Saturday, December 19, 2015

Detective Comics #47

I hope Maps was arrested too!

Commissioner Batman has been busy capturing Robins with the help of Dick Grayson. But he's realized that Dick Grayson is manipulating him to get what he wants so Commissioner Gordon probably has the upper hand. Unless letting Commissioner Gordon know that Dick is manipulating him is part of the manipulation? Can a comic book plan be that complicated if it takes place across different comic books with different writers?

I don't remember where I was going with the previous paragraph because something else which I don't remember caused me to look up Cullen Bunn's Twitter feed and I found that I'm blocked on it. I've never tried to interact with him so he must have just found this tweet linking to a recent review: "Sinestro #17: It's better so I've been writing less smack about Cullen Bunn's mom's decision to have a child." Was that too harsh? I feel like it's playful and somewhat elegant!

I've realized recently that I cannot abide earnest people. Why are earnest people so fucking earnest?! How am I supposed to interact with somebody so bereft of cynicism and facetiousness that they can't understand when I'm making a hilarious joke that's totally at their expense and really kind of mean? Although, in all seriousness (see how I typed that to show that I'm capable of seriousness and that I'm putting my serious pants on right now? Just so nobody is confused by this), I can totally see his reasons for blocking me. We may never have interacted (and if we had, I wouldn't have been mean to him at all!) but he's gotten so much heat from comic book fans that he shouldn't be expected to put up with ones like me who are totally charming and hilarious (even when I think he squatted over Aquaman's face and took a huge dump on him).

Dick Grayson has decided to confront Batman because he thinks Batman should help create an army of teenagers to fight crime in Gotham. It's also possible Dick just doesn't want the police coming down on the kids as hard as they have been. I think the answer lies somewhere in the middle. You can't have every teenager leaping from rooftop to rooftop trying to take down The Penguin! But, I mean, you have to have some teenagers doing that, right?!

But before Dick has that conversation with Commissioner Batman, the story has to jump back in time a few hours. Can't get the exciting part out of the way first! Unless the exciting part led to even more exciting parts! Ooh! Why isn't this comic book doing that?! Instead it's gone from big confrontation between Dick and Jim to boring work talk between Jim and Harvey.

The cops do remember when the Court of Owls were murdering all those important people, right? So why accept a contractor for hanging bird cages to hold Robins guarded by owl sentries?! And why the fuck is a barrel of flammable liquid being stored in there?

I guess all of the police (minus Harvey and Jim) must be working for the Court of Owls and the plan is to burn these children to death as soon as the Court of Owls gives the word. Why else would the place be full of explosive barrels?! Luckily Damian Wayne is already working on an escape plan while Jason Todd and Tim Drake distract everybody with their bickering. Unless it isn't a distraction and that's the only way they know how to interact with each other. I think it's that last one. The only time the two of them had a nice moment together was in Scott Lobdell's Red Hood and the Outlaws and I'm beginning to think that the nice moment wasn't as well-written as I thought it was because the two of them shouldn't have been getting along at all! That's too bad because I always felt like I could at least point to that one scene when I needed to believe that Scott Lobdell might possibly write something worth reading some time in the future.

Commissioner Batman decides to talk with Councilwoman Noctua about the Robin Laws but it's late and she asks him to meet her during office hours. Apparently I don't know anything about local politics because I can't for the life of me understand how this councilwoman has so much power! Where's Commissioner Sawyer in all of this? Doesn't she have anything to say about this bullshit law? What about the Mayor? No wait...he's corrupt. What about the District Attorney?! Harvey Dent would have been on this in two flips of a scarred coin. Actually, Harvey has contacted the District Attorney but nothing has come of it. I guess the Court of Owls have returned to their control of Gotham now that Batman isn't around to challenge them.

And then it's back to the fight between Dick and Jim.

Dick is wearing hypnos and Jim still makes him. If Gordon can recognize Dick Grayson's moves from all the time he spent around Robin, he definitely knows his daughter is Batgirl.

Back in the cage, Damian pisses off the guards so they decide to finally take the masks off of the kids. I'm just guessing they didn't have enough manpower or lawyers around to undress the kids previously. But now that Damian tried to blow them all up, it's strip search time!

Commissioner Batman and Dick Grayson decide it's time for another Batman and Robin team-up. They have both decided that the killing of a police officer by a Robin was a setup to get the ball rolling on this Robin crackdown. And they're going to investigate Councilwoman Noctua together. Nobody's talking Court of Owls yet even though a bunch of cops were nearly killed by a Talon confronting a bunch of Robins just a few days prior to Officer Darrell's murder. The battle was even televised so it's not like Dick wouldn't know about it.

And where the hell is Alfred Pedoworth?!

Back at police headquarters, the administers of the strip searches has arrived.

This was a bullshit reveal! First a shot of the back of the head and in the dark. Then Jason Todd saying, "YOU!" And then the reveal: a guy in an owl mask. Boo! Hiss! Diarrhea spray!

Detective Comics #47 Rating: No change. I bet the Court of Owls are pissed that this crossover is simply called Robin War. Last time, they had the marquee! They were the important players in the show! Now they've just got supporting roles. They'd better get used to it though. They're only as important as the Court's most popular member and right now their most popular member ditched them to work for the Birds of Prey and then went to work for Mockingbird. Now they're just a bunch of nameless Talons and faceless people who think they're important. The owl mask is sort of cool though. I wanted one but I'd already purchased all of the stories in single issue form and couldn't justify buying the Court of Owls Boxed Mask Set no matter how much I wanted to have sex wearing that mask. I wonder if I could bug Scott Snyder to send me one! I bet he has a whole shitload of them. Although I'd better not bug him on Twitter because I wouldn't want him to block me the way Cullen Bunn did! Should my feelings be hurt?! I never even messaged him! Hell, Scott Lobdell hasn't blocked me and I've actually said awful things about him! All I did to Cullen Bunn was criticize one of his mother's decisions in life and BOOM! Blockinated! I'm going to be so mean to him in my next Aquaman review, I tell you what! Petty revenge for the...well, not for the win, exactly. But maybe for temporarily filling the void within my soul?

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