Aquaman #46

This cover sent me down the trans-rabbit hole beginning here.

Aquaman has been on some pulpy pulp adventures recently and they'll probably continue right up until you see an Aquaman comic book on the stands without "Bunn" on the cover. He's also obtained any power he needs to solve any plot problem that swims along because Poseidon decided to bless him even though Aquaman doesn't believe in gods (according to the Aquaman of the current run of JLA). He's lost his wife and his kingdom and his ability to say he's never been raped. Hopefully this story has been going six issues now so that it can mercifully end to be reprinted in a trade with which everybody will be disappointed. Even Cullen Bunn seems to have admitted that this entire run on Aquaman has been terrible and unwarranted from the start. Although he probably used different words like "people were mean to me!" and "I was coerced into writing this!" and "Have you read Harrow County yet? I actually care about that book!"

This issue begins with Aquaman returning to Earth and immediately choking the fuck out of Extriax who is a character in this story. It's not the usual way most people begin conversations but Extriax takes it in stride. Heroes are allowed to choke the fuck out of whomever they want because they're heroes. Whatever they do must be the right thing because they're on the side of the just! If Aquaman chokes the fuck out of Extriax because Aquaman is dealing with his anger of being raped, it must be the morally just reaction to Extriax's not stopping the rape from happening. I mean, Extriax must be at fault, right? Why would Aquman cause harm to a good person?

"Look at my violated boner, old man! LOOK AT IT!"

Aquaman declares that he will go rescue Mera now that he realizes she's in danger. He probably should have realized it earlier when Mera was suddenly acting nothing like Mera and was sending people to kill him and declaring that she will protect Atlantis at any cost even though she's never before shown any interest in what happens to Atlantis prior to this.

Mera wouldn't want her death to stop Aquaman from trying to save her?

Wonder Woman arrives on the scene to find Aquaman pouting about his new lot in life. I think he'd be happy! Now Mera is merely in life-threatening danger as opposed to hating his guts and trying to kill him. That sounds like things are moving in a positive direction. Plus, Mera can take care of herself! At least before Aquaman received every new power in the superhero handbook, she was way more powerful and capable than he was. I think she'll be okay if he just keeps doing what he's been doing! As for why Wonder Woman is here? Oh, I don't know. I guess so Cullen Bunn could use the title "Amazon in the Amazon"? See how clever that is?

Wonder Woman also appeared in Sinestro this month so I guess somebody just wrote a blank Wonder Woman check to Cullen Bunn to do with her as he pleased.

Uh-oh! From the beginning of Wonder Woman's speech to Aquaman, it sounds like she might be taking up the Sire-disguised-as-Mera role now. She didn't immediately choke the fuck out of him like some other hero might have done but she's certainly got quite the accusing tone to her speech. It seems she and the other Justice Leaguers know about Thule's attack on the world and how Aquaman has known about it for some time and hasn't gotten around to stopping it. I'm not quite sure yet if she's just come to him to help or to yell at him because I was distracted by this:

What the fuck, Guy Major?

Wonder Woman seems mostly upset that she had to speak with John Constantine while researching who was invading Earth. I think she just wants to help end what's happening but I'm not entirely sure because other things are distracting me far more than Guy's alternate Earth.

That costume is so fucking aggressive!

Aquaman asks Wonder Woman "What Would Batman Do?" which seems like a really irresponsible question. A lot of innocent people might die asking that question! Batman would obviously do the thing that would keep his hands clean of any blood no matter how many innocent people would die at the hands of monsters while he was making sure he didn't kill anybody at all. Also, Batman would never do whatever you'll wind up doing, Aquaman. Even if Batman might have done the thing you're going to do, as soon as you reveal that that's what you're going to do, Batman would be all "TT!" and then point out how stupid the thing you're going to do is.

Wonder Woman was followed by Aqualad's All-Stars so that Aquaman could stop gnawing at his problems and just begin punching stuff. My only problem with this twist is that it's not going to help end this story any quicker and get Cullen Bunn off of this book.

If King Shark has the upper hand here then I was a way better wrestler in Junior High than I realized!

The battle ends quickly because Wonder Woman. Now Aquaman just needs to figure out how to defeat Thule while saving the Atlanteans and Mera so that he can get back to his regular life of riding giant seahorses and forcing dolphins to fight his battles for him.

Etriax's followers all begin to panic in that way that crowds in Cullen Bunn books always panic. I guess it helps the reader to realize the situation is tense and scary? And then Thule attacks Amnesty Bay! I hope Aquadog can stop them!

Aquaman #46 Rating: No change. Aquaman looked terrible this issue. Even his raging costume cock didn't seem as full and in my face as I usually like it. He sort of looked like the type of guy a casting director would get to play the part of an action hero when they couldn't book Jean-Claude Van Damme or Dolph Lundgren. Or maybe the guy hired to play Van Damme's character in the porn version of Timecop which would probably be called Rimcop or Timejob or Time Travel Fuck Arrest. The story was more of the same of the bullshit pulp fiction adventure that Aquaman has found himself stuck in. I guess if you like Pulp Fiction adventures, you might like this comic book. But you probably wouldn't have thought, "You know what? Let me pick up Aquaman to fulfill my desire to read new Pulp Fiction adventures!" Most people also probably don't think, "I really like Aquaman and the way he talks to fish and punches things while being surly! Let me pick up some old copies of Conan or John Carter adventures!" Why did Cullen Bunn allow himself to be strong-armed into writing Aquaman when he didn't really want to?! Has he no convictions?! Now he's just wasting my fucking time!