G.I. Combat #1

What makes this title any different from Men of War? Dinosaurs!

The second title from the Second Wave of the New 52 probably set off the cynic meter on the already low set cynic meter of most snorting comic book readers. But when a company cancels one title called Men of War and replaces it with G.I. Combat, it's hard to not think that they're simply using stories that were already planned for the other book but hoping for higher sales with a reformatting and another reset to Issue One. It's a mini-reboot for the war comics.

J.T. Krul stopped writing Green Arrow because he just didn't have enough time to write it and both Captain Atom. But I think he just realized he was shitting all over Oliver Queen and was writing the worst comic in the New 52. Because now he's back to writing a second comic book and I'm not very excited about it, even with dinosaurs and lightning bolts. Although the story J.T. Krul wrote in Men of War #7 was actually pretty good. So maybe I should give him another chance. Maybe he's war story where men battle dinosaurs will end up being really poignant.

Cut! Don't look at the fucking camera! And try to control you're ugly ass baby!

The initial story takes place just off the coast of North Korea. Special Forces have noticed an area with a radius of eight miles has gone dark to their satellites. Which of course doesn't mean keep the area under satellite observation or watch the area surrounding it to see if anything comes out or just, you know, don't start any trouble. What this means is, go in for a closer look which shouldn't seem too aggressive to the North Koreans because, you know, they're pretty secure about their standing in the world and they won't have to make a show of force or anything if the Americans come poking around. The Sergeant or Lieutenant (holy fuck I spelled that correctly on my first try!) or whoever leads army people on a ship, tells his men, "Don't go looking for a confrontation." Sir, if I may be so bold but this is North Korea. They're the over-aggressive frat boys of the international world. Looking at them askance is a fucking confrontation.

Oh, and killing their pterodactyls probably might be frowned upon as well.

I'm glad DC Comics is proud to present this story. That should inspire confidence in the reader, right? "Hey cool! They really back this story! Proud! That's a pretty strong emotion to have for your creation." I wonder if the lawyers at DC checked over the usage of "proud" in this comic. I bet the Letterer (or the artist? Who does the Splash Page Titles?) just flippantly put that in to make it seem more cinematic.

The soldiers plan when encountering previously extinct creatures is to shoot the shit out of them. The dinosaurs haven't actually shown themselves to be aggressive. It just seemed like a sudden run-in between flying creatures in the middle of a dark and confusing storm. But fuck it, you know? We've got these guns and we've got to use them! Re-extinct these mother fuckers! Booyah!

Just, you know, ignore the fucking fact that those rotors are spinning and even if they weren't powerful enough to cut the shit out of the pterodactyl as it tries to land on top of the helicopter, they'd at least explode in a blast of shrapnel instead of sitting there perfectly fine.

The pterodactyls don't exactly like being shot up so they shake all of the men out of the helicopters. They eat a few of them so that the cast of characters won't be too crazy once the others crash to the jungle below. Plus, you don't want a whole platoon of men with guns or else when they fight the Tyrannosaurus Rex, it will be more believable when it's a struggle to bring it down.

Only two men survive the attack: Elliot and the husband of the woman I scanned earlier, Ash.

Yeah! Because books am in that liberry, right?!

Soon, they stumble into a clearing where the North Koreans are busy fighting a Stegosaurus, a Triceratops, some Tyrannosaurs, and some other upright dinosaur that might be a Tyrannosaur but doesn't quite look like one. The North Koreans have jets and tanks and men on foot. But don't worry! Two Americans with M16s have just arrived to save the day! And that's how this first part of the story ends. It's pretty short for the first story at 14 pages. Maybe G.I. Combat is planning on serving up two stories each month of about equal length instead of one short, throwaway backup story and a longer continuing story arc.

The first story didn't fill me with awe and excitement. Maybe if I were twelve again. Too bad this comic is rated Teen Plus. Perhaps if the Dinosaurs were wearing lingerie and battling North Korean hookers, I might be intrigued.

The second story stars The Unknown Soldier who is basically a mummy with a gun. It's written by Justin Gray and Jimmy Palmiotti who are the creative team on All Star Western which has been pretty good. I think the only Unknown Soldier stories I've read were a team up with Superman in DC Presents and the four issue mini-series by Garth Ennis. I don't really remember either of them. It looks like The Unknown Soldier had a bit of a resurgence during my time away from comics. And looking at the older history of the character, the first series went for 268 issues! Holy crap! And for 22 years, nobody ever found out who he was!

The story is told from the point of view of a soldier whose platoon picked up The Unknown Soldier on a rescue mission of some soldiers that had been out sweeping for IEDs (Improvised Explosive Devices).

On a side note, a childhood friend of mine was the only surviving soldier in a Humvee hit by an IED a few years ago. My aunt sent out an email to everyone when she got the news and declared, "Bobby had been wounded by an IUD." Yeah. I can see that. He was always quite the horn dog so nearly getting killed by an intrauterine device didn't sound too far off.

So this soldier is writing a letter to his girl back home and telling her all about this amazing Unknown Soldier who is practically a one man army and saved their asses dozens of times. They would follow him anywhere.

The Unknown Soldier wears a helmet cam that records everything he does. At the end of the day, does he go over the footage and create captioned photos for his tumblr account?

This last one is just for me and a handful of other people. So sorry you weren't a bigger part of my life for the last 20 years!

It's the shot of the heroin that gets the command types' attention since they know exactly what it is and how many millions of dollars it's worth. So Colonel Karl Benson flies in to interview The Unknown Soldier. You know, the guy with amnesia. But I guess he's faking it because I think he tells Colonel Benson how he arrived where he's at. Unless the flashback is simply for the readers and nobody is telling anybody anything and we, the readers, get to be the only ones who know why The Unknown Soldier is who he is.

The red robed woman, Pandora?, is still haunting first issues, hunh?

The Unknown Soldier's family was killed in an explosion in the London Underground. He tried to join the military but was denied because he'd attempted suicide. He then traveled to South Africa to train with mercenaries. He ends up in Afghanistan and is nearly killed in an ambush. The rest of the squad he's with are killed and he's severely burned and wounded. But he lives and now here he is. The American Government has taken notice of him. And they're recruiting him because they like the way he kills. I guess The Unknown Soldier is going to become another Black Ops Program in the DCnU!

G.I. Combat #1 Rating: Since there is a space available at 38, I'm going to stick it there to rise or to fall on its own terms. Neither story was very exciting and the dinosaur one was just boring and plot-retarded. The Unknown Soldier might make for a good character eventually but this origin wasn't anything spectacular. So sticking it between Firestorm and Legion of Super-heroes is about right.