Tommy never looked so cool. What a great fucking cover.
Hitman Annual #1 (August 27th, 1997)
By Garth Ennis, Carlos Ezquerra, Steve Pugh, Carla Feeny, and Willie Schubert
Cover by Laurel Blechman
Edited by Peter Tomasi and Dan Raspler
Laura Blechman, who did the cover here, apparently did a bunch of covers for the "Weird Western Tales" section of the "Pulp Heroes" Annual event. A lot of covers across the event look fucking cool but I missed all of the others because I don't think I was reading many comics in 1997. I kind of have a big hole in my pop culture knowledge around the years 1996 and 1997 because I'd finally left home and was traveling in my VW Bus. I think a bunch of comics I own from '96 and '97 were picked up later as I tried to catch up on all the series I'd been reading before I left my home town. During my road trip, I got by on reading mostly collections, mainly Sandman and Astro City. I was still picking up some comics along the road because I do remember reading a new issue of House of Secrets while lying in the grass in a park in Snoqualmie, Washington, after having a chile relleno for dinner at the Double R Diner (or, um, Tweedy's, I guess?). I think it was around the time Rain and her friends were traveling down the coast from Seattle to San Francisco, exactly the opposite of the route I'd just taken.
This is an annual so don't expect me to care much about it even if it's the best thing I've read since [INSERT NAME OF SMART BOOK HERE. DO NOT FORGET AND LEAVE THIS IN, YOU BIG STUPID. AND, NO, CAVE OF TIME IS NOT SMART. I WONDER IF I CAN READ MOBY DICK IN THE NEXT SIX HOURS?! MAYBE IF THERE'S A FIGHTING FANTASY VERSION OF IT?!]!
I've been finishing up my Dungeons & Dragons campaign the last two weeks which seems to have been a waste of time because two weeks ago I sent out an invite to play to my potential players and not one of them has answered. Do people not read e-mails anymore? Even people who I expressly told "I sent the email!"? Should I reconsider my friendship with them? It's hard to be friends with somebody who has so many friends that you're just another one of the incessant pulls for their attention but they're basically your only friend. It's a terrible power dynamic for the loser with only one friend!
Dammit. Now I'm crying! Maybe Tommy can cheer me up by killing people!
By Garth Ennis, Carlos Ezquerra, Steve Pugh, Carla Feeny, and Willie Schubert
Cover by Laurel Blechman
Edited by Peter Tomasi and Dan Raspler
Laura Blechman, who did the cover here, apparently did a bunch of covers for the "Weird Western Tales" section of the "Pulp Heroes" Annual event. A lot of covers across the event look fucking cool but I missed all of the others because I don't think I was reading many comics in 1997. I kind of have a big hole in my pop culture knowledge around the years 1996 and 1997 because I'd finally left home and was traveling in my VW Bus. I think a bunch of comics I own from '96 and '97 were picked up later as I tried to catch up on all the series I'd been reading before I left my home town. During my road trip, I got by on reading mostly collections, mainly Sandman and Astro City. I was still picking up some comics along the road because I do remember reading a new issue of House of Secrets while lying in the grass in a park in Snoqualmie, Washington, after having a chile relleno for dinner at the Double R Diner (or, um, Tweedy's, I guess?). I think it was around the time Rain and her friends were traveling down the coast from Seattle to San Francisco, exactly the opposite of the route I'd just taken.
This is an annual so don't expect me to care much about it even if it's the best thing I've read since [INSERT NAME OF SMART BOOK HERE. DO NOT FORGET AND LEAVE THIS IN, YOU BIG STUPID. AND, NO, CAVE OF TIME IS NOT SMART. I WONDER IF I CAN READ MOBY DICK IN THE NEXT SIX HOURS?! MAYBE IF THERE'S A FIGHTING FANTASY VERSION OF IT?!]!
I've been finishing up my Dungeons & Dragons campaign the last two weeks which seems to have been a waste of time because two weeks ago I sent out an invite to play to my potential players and not one of them has answered. Do people not read e-mails anymore? Even people who I expressly told "I sent the email!"? Should I reconsider my friendship with them? It's hard to be friends with somebody who has so many friends that you're just another one of the incessant pulls for their attention but they're basically your only friend. It's a terrible power dynamic for the loser with only one friend!
Dammit. Now I'm crying! Maybe Tommy can cheer me up by killing people!
It's going to be hard to read a Western Tale after reading the ultimate Western Tale, Danielewski's Tom's Crossing.
That was the first page of the comic book which obviously isn't where the story begins. You'd know that if you were familiar with the "in media res but only for the first page and then right back to the absolute start of the media" method of writing comic books. For the 21st Century youth who have only ever purchased their comic books already bagged and boarded on the shelf (because what do they think their local comic book store is, a lending library?), this was a marketing gimmick. They knew a kid would pull a comic book off the rack to check it out and that first page had better be a fucking doozy or else the kid was going to stuff it back into the overfull rack and go for the EC comic book with the nearly naked woman smoking a cigarette while giving her aggressive male suitor (probably a werewolf or vampire) an injury to their eye. Oh man. Yeah. That's the stuff, by God! I'm practically burning down my local grocery right now thinking about it!
The issue really begins back at Noonan's where Tommy and Natt are watching marathon of Spaghetti Westerns. Django Eviscerated is mentioned and I assumed it's a made-up title but being that old footsucker put out that movie Django Unchained, it sent me on a mini-research bender looking into the ties of the name Django and Spaghetti Westerns. I grew up in the '70s where every Sunday you could catch a Clint Eastwood Spaghetti Western on a local station on rainy Sundays but I never thought too much more of them past that. So looking them up now, there's like five thousand movies about Django! Should I start a Django podcast?! Obviously I won't because speaking is not my medium; I need the time and comfort and long, five-hour breaks taken in the middle of a sentence that blogging allows. But if I did, I'd definitely begin with Nude Django or Brand of Shame if you're a push-your-glass-up-your-nose smarty pants know-it-all!
The issue really begins back at Noonan's where Tommy and Natt are watching marathon of Spaghetti Westerns. Django Eviscerated is mentioned and I assumed it's a made-up title but being that old footsucker put out that movie Django Unchained, it sent me on a mini-research bender looking into the ties of the name Django and Spaghetti Westerns. I grew up in the '70s where every Sunday you could catch a Clint Eastwood Spaghetti Western on a local station on rainy Sundays but I never thought too much more of them past that. So looking them up now, there's like five thousand movies about Django! Should I start a Django podcast?! Obviously I won't because speaking is not my medium; I need the time and comfort and long, five-hour breaks taken in the middle of a sentence that blogging allows. But if I did, I'd definitely begin with Nude Django or Brand of Shame if you're a push-your-glass-up-your-nose smarty pants know-it-all!
Hey! I'm technically an adult!
Natt and Tommy discuss The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly and the way Clint Eastwood talks through his teeth for a couple of pages and I think that was mostly because Garth wanted them to say "Clint" a lot and was just hoping for some runny inks on the lettering.
Tommy gets a call to do a job in the American Southwest and, because it pays enough, he takes it. Tommy takes an awful lot of jobs that promise a lot of cash and then he hardly ever gets paid. He really should be taking at least half the pay up front on these gigs.
Tommy gets a call to do a job in the American Southwest and, because it pays enough, he takes it. Tommy takes an awful lot of jobs that promise a lot of cash and then he hardly ever gets paid. He really should be taking at least half the pay up front on these gigs.
Oops! Sorry. With all the southwest imagery and Spaghetti Western themes, I didn't realize he was actually heading into the lush forest areas just across the bay from Berkeley.
This is the DC Universe so I know it has different places and geographies than the real world. So when Tommy mentions that he's just a few miles from the Rio Grande and then he travels to Tiburon which has a distinctly American Southwest look to it, I probably should assume there's a town in the Southwest named Tiburon and that he isn't off to have shoot-outs with ex-hippies and acidheads.
Tommy begins the trip by throwing a grenade in a truck with three Mexican guys. I know that sounds bad but hear me out: they were laughing at him! They called him a gringo! I mean the G-word! Sorry for using the Hard-O there! Also I think they threatened to break his legs and also we have yet to be privy to the conversation Tommy had on the phone back at Noonan's Maybe the person on the phone described these three guys and said how they were tormenting the town and murdering and raping and Tommy believed the voice on the phone and so, um, justice? Is that how justice works? You believe one side and never hear from the other side before throwing a grenade at them? I think that's justice. It's definitely the way I act when I'm the Hero in a computer role-playing game! Offer me a reward and some experience to murder somebody? Yes, please! Do I need to hear the other side of it? No way! Justice!
Tommy begins the trip by throwing a grenade in a truck with three Mexican guys. I know that sounds bad but hear me out: they were laughing at him! They called him a gringo! I mean the G-word! Sorry for using the Hard-O there! Also I think they threatened to break his legs and also we have yet to be privy to the conversation Tommy had on the phone back at Noonan's Maybe the person on the phone described these three guys and said how they were tormenting the town and murdering and raping and Tommy believed the voice on the phone and so, um, justice? Is that how justice works? You believe one side and never hear from the other side before throwing a grenade at them? I think that's justice. It's definitely the way I act when I'm the Hero in a computer role-playing game! Offer me a reward and some experience to murder somebody? Yes, please! Do I need to hear the other side of it? No way! Justice!
See? If this old white cop told Tommy some Mexicans were causing trouble, then it must be true!
I'm getting the distinct feeling this began as a Jesse Custer story!
The Mexican guys survived the grenade and only lost their truck so the sheriff doesn't see any reason to arrest Tommy. Especially since Tommy is working for him. He's law enforcement and if law enforcement wants to blow up your truck for no reason, your truck is going to be blown up and people online are going to defend it by typing shit like, "If you didn't want your truck to be blown up, maybe don't do whatever you did to get it blown up!" Then they'll hit the enter key and walk away thinking they're the smartest person on the planet with a logical mind that would rival any Vulcan in the universe. Then they'll have sex with their gun (no protection, of course, because that's the only declaration ever made by the Catholic church that they'll listen to because it aligns with their "I ain't wearing no damn condom!" stance) and "forget" to put the child support check in the mail again.
I'd say that I just made a Strawman argument if everything I just typed wasn't so fucking accurate!
The Mexican guys survived the grenade and only lost their truck so the sheriff doesn't see any reason to arrest Tommy. Especially since Tommy is working for him. He's law enforcement and if law enforcement wants to blow up your truck for no reason, your truck is going to be blown up and people online are going to defend it by typing shit like, "If you didn't want your truck to be blown up, maybe don't do whatever you did to get it blown up!" Then they'll hit the enter key and walk away thinking they're the smartest person on the planet with a logical mind that would rival any Vulcan in the universe. Then they'll have sex with their gun (no protection, of course, because that's the only declaration ever made by the Catholic church that they'll listen to because it aligns with their "I ain't wearing no damn condom!" stance) and "forget" to put the child support check in the mail again.
I'd say that I just made a Strawman argument if everything I just typed wasn't so fucking accurate!
I can't believe I never knew this existed. Stupid life-changing road trip in my VW bus!
This is an annual meaning that it's longer than normal. And since I make so many digressions, I always wind up writing about the first 20 pages and then summarizing the last 20 pages in one paragraph. So let's try something different! I'm going to read about 20 pages now, summarize them, and then get back to digressing about the end of the story!
I would summarize the story but I keep getting distracted by the advertisements! Here's another one that has me thinking, "How much extra cash do you have in your pocket and do you think the Local Comic Book Store has any Scare Tactics comics in the back issue bins?!"
I would summarize the story but I keep getting distracted by the advertisements! Here's another one that has me thinking, "How much extra cash do you have in your pocket and do you think the Local Comic Book Store has any Scare Tactics comics in the back issue bins?!"
This comic book exceeds your recommended daily allowance of tits.
The sheriff's hands aren't entirely clean in all the shit going down in Tiburon since he's taking money from the Mexican crimelord, Santiago, to look the other way. That's why he paid $90,000 to hire a hitman to take care of his problems. I haven't got to what his problems are yet but I have a sneaking suspicion they might just boil down to "The Mexicans are taking over!"
So the long and short of what Tommy's gotten himself into for 90k: a developer bought up a graveyard in Tiburon to turn into a mall. They're supposed to relocate the bodies but they're actually just burning them as they go. The problem the Sheriff and Santiago have is that one of those graves hides a coffin with two million 1905 dollars inside. Sure, it's about 15 years past the end of the frontier but criminals and gangs and cowboys still rode where they could, especially if they got wind of some hotshot tycoon keeping his cash on a train running about the country. They rob this guy and bury the money in a marked coffin. Now, ninety years later, that coffin is going to get dug up and the money isn't going to have rotted away because maybe it's all in gold or something and Santiago and the Sheriff both want it. But the Sheriff has all the leverage because he's got spies in the construction company and even a spy in Santiago's organization. So Santiago has hired some super-powered somebody to help secure the money. And the Sheriff heard about a guy who murders super-powered somebodies and decided to hire him. And that's why Tommy's in Marin County: to help a Sheriff steal a long lost cache of stolen money! It's so fucking typical that my guess is Tommy isn't going to wind up helping either corrupt side. But he'll do enough to try to earn his 90k, at least.
Tommy meets a man who "fought" in Desert Storm, part of my friend the Well-Done Comedian's 82nd Airborne, so they can have a little discussion about black and white and good and bad and how those getting paid to do the dirty work get fucked left, right, center, and super center (you know, right in the starfish). After that, Tommy gets a glimpse at Santiago's new muscle.
So the long and short of what Tommy's gotten himself into for 90k: a developer bought up a graveyard in Tiburon to turn into a mall. They're supposed to relocate the bodies but they're actually just burning them as they go. The problem the Sheriff and Santiago have is that one of those graves hides a coffin with two million 1905 dollars inside. Sure, it's about 15 years past the end of the frontier but criminals and gangs and cowboys still rode where they could, especially if they got wind of some hotshot tycoon keeping his cash on a train running about the country. They rob this guy and bury the money in a marked coffin. Now, ninety years later, that coffin is going to get dug up and the money isn't going to have rotted away because maybe it's all in gold or something and Santiago and the Sheriff both want it. But the Sheriff has all the leverage because he's got spies in the construction company and even a spy in Santiago's organization. So Santiago has hired some super-powered somebody to help secure the money. And the Sheriff heard about a guy who murders super-powered somebodies and decided to hire him. And that's why Tommy's in Marin County: to help a Sheriff steal a long lost cache of stolen money! It's so fucking typical that my guess is Tommy isn't going to wind up helping either corrupt side. But he'll do enough to try to earn his 90k, at least.
Tommy meets a man who "fought" in Desert Storm, part of my friend the Well-Done Comedian's 82nd Airborne, so they can have a little discussion about black and white and good and bad and how those getting paid to do the dirty work get fucked left, right, center, and super center (you know, right in the starfish). After that, Tommy gets a glimpse at Santiago's new muscle.
He's impressive! A little cavemanesque with a bit of a post-punk hairstyle. But impressive!
Santiago threatens Tommy with Manko but Tommy threatens Santiago's dick with, um, I don't think Tommy names his guns so let's just say Little Tommy. Santiago decides he likes having a penis and calls off Manko for now. Besides, it's not even high noon yet.
The art in this issue is begin tag-teamed by Carlos Ezquerra and Steve Pugh. I'm not super familiar with Carlos Ezquerra. Very familiar with Steve Pugh. You can tell which one is doing the art each chapter because Ezquerra's men who aren't regular characters of the series all have squashed noses and his stubble is realistic. Pugh's art has a more animation style quality to it and Tommy shaves a bit better. Both of them are fairly decent at drawing a racist Mexican stereotype though!
The art in this issue is begin tag-teamed by Carlos Ezquerra and Steve Pugh. I'm not super familiar with Carlos Ezquerra. Very familiar with Steve Pugh. You can tell which one is doing the art each chapter because Ezquerra's men who aren't regular characters of the series all have squashed noses and his stubble is realistic. Pugh's art has a more animation style quality to it and Tommy shaves a bit better. Both of them are fairly decent at drawing a racist Mexican stereotype though!
Ezquerra makes me think this is a Steinbeck adaptation; Pugh's makes me think Looney Tunes.
Pugh's also makes me think he was using Cheech Marin as his reference.
After seeing Manko at work and seeing what the dispute is over and realizing any escalation in violence is only going to make everything worse for the regular folks of Tiburon, Tommy declines the contract. Once again, he's not getting paid. And after paying for bus fair all the way across the United States, he must be out about 25 bucks! But maybe he'll stick around to help on his own terms, right? Or be forced to stick around but not actively choose sides? It'll be one of those because the comic book doesn't end after Tommy declines with a page of him on the bus heading back to Gotham.
Upset that Tommy won't be doing his bidding and being a corrupt piece of shit, the Sheriff tips off Santiago that Tommy's leaving. Santiago sends all of his disposable soldiers to murder Tommy but Tommy is all, "I guess I'm doing a bunch of killing for free. Again!" Then he high fives Judd Winick for the "Again!" joke and starts putting bullets in Mexican's heads. But even Tommy isn't good enough to take on a whole army by himself. He's eventually captured.
After seeing Manko at work and seeing what the dispute is over and realizing any escalation in violence is only going to make everything worse for the regular folks of Tiburon, Tommy declines the contract. Once again, he's not getting paid. And after paying for bus fair all the way across the United States, he must be out about 25 bucks! But maybe he'll stick around to help on his own terms, right? Or be forced to stick around but not actively choose sides? It'll be one of those because the comic book doesn't end after Tommy declines with a page of him on the bus heading back to Gotham.
Upset that Tommy won't be doing his bidding and being a corrupt piece of shit, the Sheriff tips off Santiago that Tommy's leaving. Santiago sends all of his disposable soldiers to murder Tommy but Tommy is all, "I guess I'm doing a bunch of killing for free. Again!" Then he high fives Judd Winick for the "Again!" joke and starts putting bullets in Mexican's heads. But even Tommy isn't good enough to take on a whole army by himself. He's eventually captured.
Stupid corrupt sheriff! I knew I didn't trust him when I saw in that first panel that he was old and white and a cop!
For some reason, the Mexican guys do not kill Tommy. They just leave him in the desert to die. I mean, I know the reason. Tommy isn't allowed to die until Issue #60. Or Issue #59 if Issue #60 is his wake at Noonan's or something. I don't remember. But still, it just seems weird. Like how in The Walking Dead the people who we're supposed to believe are the bad guys never wind up killing Rick and his people but Rick and his people always wind up murdering the shit out of everybody we're supposed to believe were bad. I mean, even Negan's response of smashing Glen's head to a pulp was restrained next to Rick murdering so many of his people! But we, as the audience, are supposed to feel like that was over-the-top because we loved Glen so much! He was such a good boy doggy boy man child boy! Who would kill Glen?! Must be the worst person in history who maybe also just saw a bunch of his people blasted into shit by a rocket launcher or had their throats slit in their sleep! I don't remember how much of what I'm describing was from the comic and how much was from the television show. It's all kind of the same thing to me now.
I will say this: having Negan kill Abraham before he kills Glen in the television show was genius. Because it pulls the rug out from the feet of all the comic book readers who were all, "Here we go! Glen's going to get it!" And then, instead, it's Abraham who gets it! And they're all, "Holy shit! No way! Whew, I'm glad they chose not to kill Glen!" And then Negan is all, "You know what? Let's do one more!" And then everybody is all, "OH MY GOD NO GLEN!" Man, so good.
Tommy's rescued by 82nd Airborne and explains that these guys kill all of their enemies by taking them out to the desert and not killing them. So that explains that perfectly! And then he's all, "You know Manko? He was one of my Desert Storm buddies! I lost partial use of my legs and he became a braindead greased lightning monster!" Also 82nd Airborne called back to Noonan's and left a message for back-up! I hope we see Six-Pack and Baytor in cowboy hats and chaps!
I will say this: having Negan kill Abraham before he kills Glen in the television show was genius. Because it pulls the rug out from the feet of all the comic book readers who were all, "Here we go! Glen's going to get it!" And then, instead, it's Abraham who gets it! And they're all, "Holy shit! No way! Whew, I'm glad they chose not to kill Glen!" And then Negan is all, "You know what? Let's do one more!" And then everybody is all, "OH MY GOD NO GLEN!" Man, so good.
Tommy's rescued by 82nd Airborne and explains that these guys kill all of their enemies by taking them out to the desert and not killing them. So that explains that perfectly! And then he's all, "You know Manko? He was one of my Desert Storm buddies! I lost partial use of my legs and he became a braindead greased lightning monster!" Also 82nd Airborne called back to Noonan's and left a message for back-up! I hope we see Six-Pack and Baytor in cowboy hats and chaps!
Yeah, man. That's what happens when you don't kill a bitch. They don't get killed!
Only Natt arrives as back-up which seems short-sighted. But then this was probably written before Baytor stayed on Earth and Six-Pack showed that he's, um, somewhat, um, competent. I think I've chosen the wrong words to put there. Anyway, Natt also brings some more firepower to help. So instead of standing there with an old revolver against modern weaponry like on the first page, Tommy now has an Uzi and a fat friend with a shotgun.
Finally, Tommy has a The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly showdown with Manko.
Finally, Tommy has a The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly showdown with Manko.
Sure, there's supposed to be a third guy but this isn't an exact retelling of the moment.
Oh wait! There's the third guy! Still, um, not um, exact.
Meanwhile, the sheriff digs up the coffin and finds the two million dollars has rotted away. Man, you'd think somebody would have been smart enough to realize that was what would happen, hunh? I guess that's why he and everybody else in this shithole town use violence to solve their problems. No offense, Tommy!
Tommy winds up burying the Sheriff in the grave with the money and then he and Natt go back to Gotham. Still broke.
The Ranking!
For an annual, this was really good. But then Garth Ennis always seems to take whatever he's writing seriously. He never treats part of the gig as something he has to do that he's not interested in. He just writes a story he's interested in writing! Good for him! Also good for Carlos and Steve because sometimes annuals can get by on the most adequate art. But this looked good! And fun! And mean!
Tommy winds up burying the Sheriff in the grave with the money and then he and Natt go back to Gotham. Still broke.
The Ranking!
For an annual, this was really good. But then Garth Ennis always seems to take whatever he's writing seriously. He never treats part of the gig as something he has to do that he's not interested in. He just writes a story he's interested in writing! Good for him! Also good for Carlos and Steve because sometimes annuals can get by on the most adequate art. But this looked good! And fun! And mean!
