Why is The Black Spider purple?
The Cover
Brian Stelfreeze's painted cover depicts the story of a man trying desperately to expose his secret identity. If you run around town as The Black Spider while wearing a purple outfit, the first question people are going to ask is, "What the fuck?" The first and a half question people are going to ask is, "Why would he call himself . . . oh! Of course." I guess in 1992, comic book writers were still using the trope of having Black heroes often use "Black" in their superhero name. Sometimes it's cool, I guess. I like Black Lightning sounds like some kind of dark fucking arts Satan shit might be taking place. And Black Panther's costume wasn't purple. And Black Luke Cage was probably what Iron Fist called him when discussing him with his white friends to distinguish him from their drug dealer during college, white Luke Cage. But this guy's entire body is covered in purple spandex and he still prepends "Black" to his name. Weird choice. Although we'll soon see that maybe it makes sense in context to this one issue story. We might be getting a 1992 story about race so buckle up, Babies of the 21st Century (not derogatory!).
The Story
Issue #5 opens on a tragic scene that causes Batman to experience emotion. See, 21st Century Babies, in 1992, Batman was still allowed to show actual emotions on his dumb rich face. Sure, this was after The Dark Knight Returns but before the concrete conception of Batman as a hard-ass mirror to the world fully broken by the violence of that world had completely hardened. Or maybe Norm Breyfogle should have been drawing way more Batman so people could have growing up without scoffing at the notion that even a Batman can cry.
Brian Stelfreeze's painted cover depicts the story of a man trying desperately to expose his secret identity. If you run around town as The Black Spider while wearing a purple outfit, the first question people are going to ask is, "What the fuck?" The first and a half question people are going to ask is, "Why would he call himself . . . oh! Of course." I guess in 1992, comic book writers were still using the trope of having Black heroes often use "Black" in their superhero name. Sometimes it's cool, I guess. I like Black Lightning sounds like some kind of dark fucking arts Satan shit might be taking place. And Black Panther's costume wasn't purple. And Black Luke Cage was probably what Iron Fist called him when discussing him with his white friends to distinguish him from their drug dealer during college, white Luke Cage. But this guy's entire body is covered in purple spandex and he still prepends "Black" to his name. Weird choice. Although we'll soon see that maybe it makes sense in context to this one issue story. We might be getting a 1992 story about race so buckle up, Babies of the 21st Century (not derogatory!).
The Story
Issue #5 opens on a tragic scene that causes Batman to experience emotion. See, 21st Century Babies, in 1992, Batman was still allowed to show actual emotions on his dumb rich face. Sure, this was after The Dark Knight Returns but before the concrete conception of Batman as a hard-ass mirror to the world fully broken by the violence of that world had completely hardened. Or maybe Norm Breyfogle should have been drawing way more Batman so people could have growing up without scoffing at the notion that even a Batman can cry.
Look at how sad and anxious he looks! My poor orphan baby!
Speaking of grown men crying, do you want to hear the last two times I fully broke down this week? Yeah? Okay! The first time was Sunday night at work while I was buffing the floor of one of the stores I clean. I've been listening to all of my albums in alphabetical order while at work and had come to Jesus Christ Superstar. When people are asked what movie they've seen the most, I often answer Heathers or Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure because I believe musicals fall into a whole other category. But if I didn't think that, it would easily be Jesus Christ Superstar. I named my first cat as an adult and my best friend forever and my one true pairing and my soul mate and my familiar Judas because of that movie. Now, sure, that could be an easy reason to think that I broke down and cried. Because I was thinking about my beloved boy gone ten years now. But it wasn't. It was this line that hit me so hard because it rings so true as I've ventured into my fifties: "At first, I was inspired. Now, I'm sad and tired." Just that. Broke my fucking heart and I was snot crying (not hard sobbing but slow and unyielding tears coming) on security cameras while also still belting out some great lyrics!
The second time I broke down this week was at the end of Good Boy which, I know, I probably should not have watched being that my history of nearly dying of emotions after watching movies about animal characters began at the tender age of nine when I went to see Fox and the Hound (before that, at five, my heart broke from The Rescuers but that was about my huge first crush on Penny (and a quite confusing second "crush" on Miss Bianca. Confusing because I didn't know what sex was and because Miss Bianca was a mouse). But that wasn't exclusively about manipulating the audience with feels about animals). The movie Pig absolutely destroyed me. I can barely even talk about it without breaking into tears. It's happening right now, dammit! But a movie about a dog confused by the illness of his owner? And the way it ends? And the things that are said? And the way it ends on top of the way it ends? Come on! I was telling the Non-Certified Spouse about it the next day and crying about it and she was crying just hearing me tell her about it! At least it was, mostly, happy and sweet and sentimental tears.
I should point out that Batman isn't exactly crying hear. But he's yet to read the murder/suicide note left by his recent new friend, The Black Spider.
The second time I broke down this week was at the end of Good Boy which, I know, I probably should not have watched being that my history of nearly dying of emotions after watching movies about animal characters began at the tender age of nine when I went to see Fox and the Hound (before that, at five, my heart broke from The Rescuers but that was about my huge first crush on Penny (and a quite confusing second "crush" on Miss Bianca. Confusing because I didn't know what sex was and because Miss Bianca was a mouse). But that wasn't exclusively about manipulating the audience with feels about animals). The movie Pig absolutely destroyed me. I can barely even talk about it without breaking into tears. It's happening right now, dammit! But a movie about a dog confused by the illness of his owner? And the way it ends? And the things that are said? And the way it ends on top of the way it ends? Come on! I was telling the Non-Certified Spouse about it the next day and crying about it and she was crying just hearing me tell her about it! At least it was, mostly, happy and sweet and sentimental tears.
I should point out that Batman isn't exactly crying hear. But he's yet to read the murder/suicide note left by his recent new friend, The Black Spider.
Sorry! Suicide novella.
Batman doesn't bother checking the bodies of the woman on the couch or the boy on the floor for signs of life because he's an expert on life and death. It's how he can so easily not kill anybody and also he doesn't want to leave any DNA for the Gotham Cops who hate him to find. The note explains that by the time Batman reads it, the people who destroyed this man's family will be dead. I say it's a suicide note because the implication is that he'll probably be dead too. He's going up against some dangerous criminals to get some kind of justice for what they've done. But Batman doesn't care about justice! I mean, he does care about it but he only cares about it if it's done his way which means no killing by non-law enforcement officers.
The Black Spider's suicide/murder novella narrates the story happening while Batman reads it. Or just before if The Black Spider's timeline is correct. Hopefully he timed it out so the criminals would be dead before Batman got to the line about everybody being dead by the time Batman reads it. Because Batman would surely not finish the note before rushing off to stop him at that point. Right? Wait. Is Batman still reading the note as the comic continues?!
The Black Spider's suicide/murder novella narrates the story happening while Batman reads it. Or just before if The Black Spider's timeline is correct. Hopefully he timed it out so the criminals would be dead before Batman got to the line about everybody being dead by the time Batman reads it. Because Batman would surely not finish the note before rushing off to stop him at that point. Right? Wait. Is Batman still reading the note as the comic continues?!
Interesting. I learned all life is sacred by living in a community of, you know, living people. Who fucking needs Sunday School to teach that?!
One day at Sunday School was the entirety of my religious experience and I hated every fucking minute of it. I was five years old, just recently totally confused about the things I wanted to do to a posh cartoon mouse, and in Kansas with the entirety of my mother's side of the family (not a huge family: her parents, her brother and his wife, all their kids) to visit my aunt's family. It was the first time I saw finished basements with pool tables and recliners and carpeting (being from California where we don't need to hide from twisters). It was also the first time I was sent to church because, I don't know, that's what they fucking did on Sunday? At first I didn't care because I would just be hanging out with my cousin Jason who was just three months younger than me. But then, because those three months had caused us to be split up in the school system, they split us up at this Sunday School. I don't know if it was the biggest and most Satanic tantrum those Sunday School teachers ever saw but I tried my fucking best. I don't recall a lot of what happened but I'm pretty sure they just stuck me on a stool at the back of the classroom where I did my own thing through snot and tears.
Do all of my stories involve me sobbing? Um, yeah, probably. I think I've always resented having been forced to exist by my horny ass parents.
Do all of my stories involve me sobbing? Um, yeah, probably. I think I've always resented having been forced to exist by my horny ass parents.
It never gets old, does it? Having the antagonist mirror Batman to show just how difficult it must have been for Batman to keep his shit together. Or as together as you can call shit that winds up making you wear spandex, take the name of an animal, spend every night beating the shit out of criminals, and spending all of your cash on crime fighting technology.
By this point, it's looking like The Black Spider's partner and child weren't directly killed by his friendly neighborhood drug dealers. They were killed by his addiction to heroin and bringing that addiction into his home. I'm not sure exactly how his son died yet but he probably sprinkled heroin onto his corn flakes instead of sugar. Fucking hell. That sounds delicious!
After The Black Spider kills a bunch of drug dealers, he begins interrogating the leader by shoving his face into piles of heroin. He's looking for the supplier so he can destroy the entire heroin trade in Gotham! But Batman, realizing he probably shouldn't read the entire novella of a note before trying to stop The Black Spider, arrives to, um, stop The Black Spider. I should probably put more thought behind the structure of my sentences. My writing would be much better if my editor hadn't quit after I asked her if my dick in a hot dog bun would be considered a sandwich.
Was "The Black Spider" a street term for heroin? If it was, that would be fucking cool! I'm going to pretend it was because unlike Ann Nocenti or Scott Lobdell, Alan Grant's a good writer.
After The Black Spider kills a bunch of drug dealers, he begins interrogating the leader by shoving his face into piles of heroin. He's looking for the supplier so he can destroy the entire heroin trade in Gotham! But Batman, realizing he probably shouldn't read the entire novella of a note before trying to stop The Black Spider, arrives to, um, stop The Black Spider. I should probably put more thought behind the structure of my sentences. My writing would be much better if my editor hadn't quit after I asked her if my dick in a hot dog bun would be considered a sandwich.
Was "The Black Spider" a street term for heroin? If it was, that would be fucking cool! I'm going to pretend it was because unlike Ann Nocenti or Scott Lobdell, Alan Grant's a good writer.
Yes, that Syd and Nancy marquee shows up a lot. I said Grant's good not subtle. Also maybe Norm's behind that?
Do I need to italicize Syd and Nancy since it's a parody name of the actual film Sid and Nancy? I'd ask my editor but, well, I just explained that. Also is it a sandwich?
The Batman and The Black Spider spar for a bit, physically and verbally. The Black Spider must have recently read Infinite Jest because he makes a pretty good point about everybody being addicted to something in an effort to not feel the actual pain of existence. Maybe he doesn't put it quite like that but having read Infinite Jest and having nearly sobbed while describing to the Non-Certified Spouse the only shot in the movie, Infinite Jest, in the book was composed of, I tend to read a little too into comic book conversations about suicide, addiction, family, and our overall inability to fully communicate with anybody else. In other words, all the shit Hamlet is about. Which might seem obvious being that Foster called the fucking book Infinite Jest.
The Batman and The Black Spider spar for a bit, physically and verbally. The Black Spider must have recently read Infinite Jest because he makes a pretty good point about everybody being addicted to something in an effort to not feel the actual pain of existence. Maybe he doesn't put it quite like that but having read Infinite Jest and having nearly sobbed while describing to the Non-Certified Spouse the only shot in the movie, Infinite Jest, in the book was composed of, I tend to read a little too into comic book conversations about suicide, addiction, family, and our overall inability to fully communicate with anybody else. In other words, all the shit Hamlet is about. Which might seem obvious being that Foster called the fucking book Infinite Jest.
In a previous Shadow of the Bat review, I asked if Alan Grant got a credit on Knightfall. Well, now I'm wondering if he got a credit on Infinite Jest (published four years after this) too?
The Black Spider gets away by grappling a passing train with his Spider Grapple which Batman fails to grapple with his Bat Grapple because he's a few seconds too late. So being that there's a break in the action, we should get back to The Black Spider's suicide novella! He still needs to explain what happened to his partner and their son.
The note explains how, fucked up on heroin, The Black Spider accidentally kills his father when his father tries to intervene when The Black Spider robs a local store. He's convicted of murder and winds up in prison, leaving his partner alone after giving her just two things: a son and a heroin addiction. Ironically, those two things will eventually cancel each other out!
The note explains how, fucked up on heroin, The Black Spider accidentally kills his father when his father tries to intervene when The Black Spider robs a local store. He's convicted of murder and winds up in prison, leaving his partner alone after giving her just two things: a son and a heroin addiction. Ironically, those two things will eventually cancel each other out!
So I was right about two things: the kid does put smack on his cereal and Alan Grant isn't subtle at all.
I know I shouldn't blame the victim but that kid deserved to die if he was adding extra sugar to a cereal called Sugar Smackers.
Well, well, well. Maybe Alan Grant does have a subtle bone or two. It turns out that the story of Batman chasing after The Black Spider happened the night before Batman found the note. What a clever little comic book writer you are, Mr. Grant. I learned this because after The Black Spider gets away from Batman, he heads back to the apartment where his partner, Linda, has just shot up with the heroin stashed in the cereal box. He yells at her and shakes her and their son comes out and is all, "Mom! Dad! Why are you fighting?! Is it my fault? Should I eat less Heroin Smackers?!" And The Black Spider is all, "Don't cry, son! I'm going to end drugs soon! Then we'll be the happy family we never really were because the only thing that me and your mother have in common is our sweet, sweet love of dope!"
While The Black Spider deals with his family issues, The Batman tries to make sense of the poisoned verbal barb delivered by The Black Spider earlier that night.
Well, well, well. Maybe Alan Grant does have a subtle bone or two. It turns out that the story of Batman chasing after The Black Spider happened the night before Batman found the note. What a clever little comic book writer you are, Mr. Grant. I learned this because after The Black Spider gets away from Batman, he heads back to the apartment where his partner, Linda, has just shot up with the heroin stashed in the cereal box. He yells at her and shakes her and their son comes out and is all, "Mom! Dad! Why are you fighting?! Is it my fault? Should I eat less Heroin Smackers?!" And The Black Spider is all, "Don't cry, son! I'm going to end drugs soon! Then we'll be the happy family we never really were because the only thing that me and your mother have in common is our sweet, sweet love of dope!"
While The Black Spider deals with his family issues, The Batman tries to make sense of the poisoned verbal barb delivered by The Black Spider earlier that night.
Arguing with a murderous vigilante who's also an ex-dope addict is the closest Batman has ever come to therapy.
I should clarify that Linda is The Black Spider's ex-partner. He only recently came back into her life after getting out of jail and seeing she had a Black son at just the right age he was last able to perform before the smack turned his boners into floppers. Now he just wants to help her get off the heroin so she and his son can have a better life. But she doesn't want him back in her life and she doesn't want the heroin out of her life. I think their son just wants to eat cereal and not die from eating cereal. Too bad we can't always get what we want but sometimes we get what we need but did he need to die from eating heroin flakes? I don't know I might be rambling now.
"'Now!' he says," mutters the reader of the blog.
The drug dealers, upset with The Black Spider and knowing his secret identity (probably because of the whole purple costume/Black Spider name thing (and also maybe a little bit Batman shouting the guy's name along with this vigilante name whenever he confronts him)), decide to give Linda some pure grade powder that will 100% kill her. As a treat. Goddamn it. Why is saying "as a treat" so addictive? It must be due to all the pain I'm feeling from existence! Nobody has ever suffered like me! Or The Black Spider! Or Batman!
"'Now!' he says," mutters the reader of the blog.
The drug dealers, upset with The Black Spider and knowing his secret identity (probably because of the whole purple costume/Black Spider name thing (and also maybe a little bit Batman shouting the guy's name along with this vigilante name whenever he confronts him)), decide to give Linda some pure grade powder that will 100% kill her. As a treat. Goddamn it. Why is saying "as a treat" so addictive? It must be due to all the pain I'm feeling from existence! Nobody has ever suffered like me! Or The Black Spider! Or Batman!
How can he even ask Batman this question? The man dresses up like a Bat and fights crime for a living! He's obviously been through some shit.
Linda tells The Black Spider to get out so he heads off to round up more guns to kill everybody at the heroin supply warehouse. While he's gone, the dealers give Linda her free heroin. She doses up and dies. Then Mikey puts it on his cereal and dies. Then The Black Spider comes back to apologize and figuratively dies when he finds them all dead. He spends the next few hours writing a novella for Batman to explain why he's going to murder all the drug dealers down at the local drug dealer warehouse. Batman's spent the last day and a half trying to rustle up Linda's address so he can find out why The Black Spider's back on the streets killing drug dealers again. By the time he figures it out, well, that's when we saw him coming through the window back on the first page.
The Black Spider's suicide/murder novella ends by telling Batman where he's gone. But The Black Spider only reveals it in the hopes that, if he can't stop them, Batman can. The problem is that Batman's a much quicker reader than The Black Spider realizes so Batman winds up at the warehouse just before The Black Spider's plan of blowing it all to shit takes place. So The Black Spider has to knock Batman out of a window to save his life before he and the drug dealers die as one. Batman climbs in the Batmoblie and goes home with a few things to think about. And every now and then, he does. Probably. Maybe not. He's really not that fucking into therapy.
The Ranking
Just another fantastic Batman story. Were Batman stories where the antagonist is a dark reflection of Batman as common a trope in 1992 as it seems it is today? Probably! It's not like that's just a staple of Batman comic books. Loads of fiction is just about looking at what small things happen to different people to drive them in completely different directions. Or how, as often happens in a Batman story, nearly identical things happen to two different people (one of them Bruce, one of them Hush or The Black Spider or that one guy I can't remember in The New 52 or any of the many characters I've never read but definitely exist) to show how Batman never allowed himself to fall into criminality or despair when he easily could have. I think most of the responses to those observations were, "Well he was a fucking kid of a wealthy fucking family who had a military-trained manservant to raise him. Of course he did better!" And that's why Hush was created. Probably. What do I know? I'm just a dumb little Internet guy! Just a wee baby smol fry who weeps at everything! You probably shouldn't listen to me at all!
The Black Spider's suicide/murder novella ends by telling Batman where he's gone. But The Black Spider only reveals it in the hopes that, if he can't stop them, Batman can. The problem is that Batman's a much quicker reader than The Black Spider realizes so Batman winds up at the warehouse just before The Black Spider's plan of blowing it all to shit takes place. So The Black Spider has to knock Batman out of a window to save his life before he and the drug dealers die as one. Batman climbs in the Batmoblie and goes home with a few things to think about. And every now and then, he does. Probably. Maybe not. He's really not that fucking into therapy.
The Ranking
Just another fantastic Batman story. Were Batman stories where the antagonist is a dark reflection of Batman as common a trope in 1992 as it seems it is today? Probably! It's not like that's just a staple of Batman comic books. Loads of fiction is just about looking at what small things happen to different people to drive them in completely different directions. Or how, as often happens in a Batman story, nearly identical things happen to two different people (one of them Bruce, one of them Hush or The Black Spider or that one guy I can't remember in The New 52 or any of the many characters I've never read but definitely exist) to show how Batman never allowed himself to fall into criminality or despair when he easily could have. I think most of the responses to those observations were, "Well he was a fucking kid of a wealthy fucking family who had a military-trained manservant to raise him. Of course he did better!" And that's why Hush was created. Probably. What do I know? I'm just a dumb little Internet guy! Just a wee baby smol fry who weeps at everything! You probably shouldn't listen to me at all!
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