E!TACT! #3
Happy New Year!
By Grunion Guy
I'm currently sat here writing a New Year's missive that may never be seen because of my possibly suspended TinyLetter account. What did I do to trigger their Abuse Prevention Robot? Who the fuck knows but that robot must have some serious PTSD if commenting on comic books made it shit the Internet. I wonder if writing a story where I actually describe torturing the Abuse Prevention Robot will trigger the Abuse Prevention Robot for Preventing Abuse of the Abuse Prevention Robot?
So you'll probably get this next year sometime (probably right on top of the Newsletter I wrote last Thursday (and possibly even before that if just that last issue was flagged?)) when a human being finally pulls their hungover face out of a pool of office Christmas party vomit and reads the multiple joking emails I sent twelve hours after they refused to send out my letter and thinks, "Oh? Did we have work we were supposed to be doing?" It's also possible that criticizing TinyLetter in the TinyLetter Newsletter will trigger the Abuse Prevention Robot. If that's the case, fuck this shit. I'll be flushing it down the toilet like most of the rest of the year.
Not that the year's been bad. Not on a personal level, anyway. Obviously everything else has been the death knell of everything else. Do not ask for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for the bell that tolls for whomever the fucking thing is tolling for. This is the year that the phrase "dumpster fire" became so apt a description of everything that people have become angry with people overusing the phrase "dumpster fire." This is the year that holding a beer became the national pastime. It's the year when the people in charge took an existentialist dump on all the God-fearing meaning freaks who support those nihilistic bastards. I don't have any place in my heart for either the GOP or the Christians who can't stop supporting them but at least the GOP aren't pretending that anything means anything anymore. And as an existentialist atheist, I kind of have to approve. Not in their subsequent behavior after embracing the chaotic meaningless of everything, of course! But at least they aren't pretending to believe in the Christian lie anymore. I mean, sure, that's all they're actually doing is pretending to believe in it! But the only people believing that bullshit are the Christians who are still lying to themselves that an all-loving God created this dumpster fire of a universe. More like the universe was a meaningless black empty void of nothingness and some other god we've never heard of was all, "This is fucking depressing, what?" And our God was all, "Hold my beer!"
No matter how angry I am at what's become of America, I'm still just sitting here playing my fiddle. Aren't we all? We rage against the dying of the light but it's not like it's accomplishing anything. For too long, I guess, we've just kept out heads down believing that good will overcome evil while evil put in the work of infiltrating the government at local and state levels until they could get a corporate stranglehold on democracy. There's a Yeats' poem I'd quote here if I wasn't sick to fucking death of it. So instead of quoting that, I'll quote Ralph Waldo Emerson (even if the quote doesn't fit what I'm talking about. It's still fucking great): "Things are in the saddle and ride mankind."
Okay, that has nothing to do with what I was talking about. Maybe if we replace "things" (which is easy to replace because it's basically the equivalent of a Mad-Libs blank space) with "Fucking assholes who are personally enriching themselves and their political donors at the expense of everything that's good in the world" and "mankind" with "your mom."
These bastards who embrace the meaningless of it all have finally decided to cash the blank check their rabid supporters wrote them. They've ridden a wave of unborn babies, xenophobic declarations, and lackluster gun laws straight into the final square on The Game of Life board while the rest of us are fruitlessly hoping we land on the "Win the Lottery" square before we wind up gathered together in the poor farm. What we learned this year is that it doesn't pay to live your life in a way that lessens the hurt we do to others. This year, we've learned it's all about running down whomever we can to make sure we get ours. And if your balls happen to suddenly pop out of your pants to rest on the chins of those you've trampled on the way up the ladder of power and riches, why, that's just icing on the cake.
Happy New Year, Motherfuckers.
Grunion Guy
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