The way the women around Beetle are laughing suggest he's forgotten his beetle pants.
If it wasn't for the woman to Beetle's back left who looks like Ice and the woman to her left that looks like Cameron Diaz and a few others, I'd have assumed this was a nightmare Beetle was having where he was surrounded by various Fires from other Earths. It's probably the multiple Maguire mouths and all the green hair. Hopefully this issue is about the woman with the short hair and the knitted sweater just ahead of the woman laughing uproariously about Beetle's weird dong.
This issue is called "Nabu on My Mind" but with the on crossed out and replaced by an "in" so that it's actually "Nabu in My Mind." Remembering that Giffen and DeMatteis love referencing old media, this must be a play on "Georgia on My Mind." Can this be categorized as a joke? Is it funny because it makes the 1989 reader think of a song written in 1930 and again popularized in 1960 by Ray Charles? Is it funny because they cross off the "on" to replace it with "in" so that the reader thinks, "Ha ha! Nabu is literally going to go into Beetle's mind to help him"? I feel like Tucker Carlson asking bad faith questions because obviously this isn't a joke! A reference to something that has no bearing on the new thing that's making you think of the old thing isn't anything at all! Unless (and God help me for "unlessing" this shit Giffen and DeMatteis constantly do) the lyrics of the song actually fit thematically with the story I'm about to read! Although would that really make it any more interesting? How complex is "Georgia on My Mind"? It's about somebody who isn't in Georgia and then they start thinking of Georgia and it's wistful. I mean I suppose it's wistful. I don't really remember it and didn't give it more than about 30 seconds on YouTube before I remembered that I wasn't immortal and I didn't have all the time in the world and angrily and bitterly slammed the browser window shut (meaning I just clicked on the little x tab normally but in a heightened state of awareness about my mortality).
If the title didn't make you laugh (and I know it didn't, you liar) then maybe you'll love the full panel joke! Do you want me to ruin it anti-Keats style by tearing it apart to explain why it's funny or should I just scan it so you can not laugh at it as well?
This issue is called "Nabu on My Mind" but with the on crossed out and replaced by an "in" so that it's actually "Nabu in My Mind." Remembering that Giffen and DeMatteis love referencing old media, this must be a play on "Georgia on My Mind." Can this be categorized as a joke? Is it funny because it makes the 1989 reader think of a song written in 1930 and again popularized in 1960 by Ray Charles? Is it funny because they cross off the "on" to replace it with "in" so that the reader thinks, "Ha ha! Nabu is literally going to go into Beetle's mind to help him"? I feel like Tucker Carlson asking bad faith questions because obviously this isn't a joke! A reference to something that has no bearing on the new thing that's making you think of the old thing isn't anything at all! Unless (and God help me for "unlessing" this shit Giffen and DeMatteis constantly do) the lyrics of the song actually fit thematically with the story I'm about to read! Although would that really make it any more interesting? How complex is "Georgia on My Mind"? It's about somebody who isn't in Georgia and then they start thinking of Georgia and it's wistful. I mean I suppose it's wistful. I don't really remember it and didn't give it more than about 30 seconds on YouTube before I remembered that I wasn't immortal and I didn't have all the time in the world and angrily and bitterly slammed the browser window shut (meaning I just clicked on the little x tab normally but in a heightened state of awareness about my mortality).
If the title didn't make you laugh (and I know it didn't, you liar) then maybe you'll love the full panel joke! Do you want me to ruin it anti-Keats style by tearing it apart to explain why it's funny or should I just scan it so you can not laugh at it as well?
Not only are the citizens aware of the Marvel Universe, they're also aware of Marvel's lawyers!
I remember really liking this Justice League run back in the day but I think Giffen and DeMatteis's humor was meant to be consumed with month long intervals between issues. Because it's really making me angry this time! It's also possible that my mind was swirling with so many late-teen hormones that my fixation was less on the jokes and more on the flaming naked lady soaring through the air not being Superman or the Human Torch. Probably the first thing 17 year old me did when opening to this page was check to see if the artist had drawn nipples on Fire in flame form.
Unfortunately, Fire's clothing also turn into green flames when she transforms. I would contemplate why that would be part of her new power except the answer would simply be, "Fuck you, idiot. It's a comic book."
Big Barda has been tasked with training Fire to use her new powers which is great because somebody I know has a huge crush on Big Barda and it isn't Pickle Boy. And since Pickle Boy is my only friend, you might have guessed I was talking about myself. You might have guessed that even before I admitted I actually have one friend because you simply assumed I have no friends. Which could be true since I haven't talked to Pickle Boy for years.
Unfortunately, Fire's clothing also turn into green flames when she transforms. I would contemplate why that would be part of her new power except the answer would simply be, "Fuck you, idiot. It's a comic book."
Big Barda has been tasked with training Fire to use her new powers which is great because somebody I know has a huge crush on Big Barda and it isn't Pickle Boy. And since Pickle Boy is my only friend, you might have guessed I was talking about myself. You might have guessed that even before I admitted I actually have one friend because you simply assumed I have no friends. Which could be true since I haven't talked to Pickle Boy for years.
I bet when people long for the "good old days," they're longing for the days when a statuesque woman can mention that she's going out to her car to get her Mega-rod and everybody would be classy enough not to make dildo jokes.
Barda discovers her car, along with the Mega-rod, has been stolen and J'onn is all, "Big deal!" Then Barda is all, "Your Oreos were in there!" And then J'onn is all, "I will burn this place to the fucking ground!" Yeah, I know J'onn is terrified of fire but that's just how angry he is. Don't first assume a writer is making a mistake before you plumb the depths of what is being said and why it might be said that way, you lazy jerk.
This makes me think the Mega-rod is less a dildo and more the remote control for the beads currently up Barda's bum.
Meanwhile Nabu (or Kent Nelson (or Doctor Fate)) has been hired by Batman to fix Blue Beetle's Manchurian Candidate condition.
I'm devastated that I never read the insane run of Doctor Fate that Nabu describes here.
Nabu has come to help without asking for a fee and Oberon treats him like shit for a full page. I don't quite understand why Oberon acts so rude except that maybe Giffen and DeMatteis can't write dialogue unless the characters are bickering. Oberon seems to care a great deal for Blue Beetle but he refuses to let Nabu help. And then after insulting him across multiple panels about how he doubts Nabu can help, he asks Nabu when he's going to start helping. Maybe when you shut the fuck up?
Anyway, who cares if Nabu can help Beetle? Beetle is going to be dead in ten years anyway! So let's get back to the more interesting part of the story.
Anyway, who cares if Nabu can help Beetle? Beetle is going to be dead in ten years anyway! So let's get back to the more interesting part of the story.
Oh yeah that's the stuff.
Okay, now that we're caught up on the main plot, back to Nabu going down on Blue Beetle's mind. He enters it and discovers a world much like Maguire's cover: women packed together boobs to butts. Nabu, knowing nothing at all about Blue Beetle, says, "So this is the mind of Blue Beetle. Figures." How does it figure?! Maybe I'm just not versed enough in Egyptology. Perhaps the scarab is a fertility symbol and Nabu realizes that if Blue Beetle has based his persona after the Blue Beetle who was magicked by an Egyptian scarab, he did so because he loves the vagina. Or maybe, based on Wally West's characterization in Justice League Europe, Giffen and DeMatteis have boiled down the personality of male characters to just one drive.
Nabu manages to send Beetle's consciousness into his body so that Nabu can work on breaking down the "Azrael's Block" set up in Beetle's mind by the Queen Bee. Couldn't Justice League Europe have added in removing the block from Beetle into their compromise with Queen Bee? What a bunch of selfish jerks. Now that have to rely on a dead man possessed by a Lord of Order. Although now the dead man is possessed by Ted Kord and the Lord of Order is busy rooting around in Ted's psyche. Plus the Lord of Order mentioned being roommates with a Yiddish devil dog which really pisses me off because how did I not read that comic book back in 1989?! It's not like I couldn't afford it! Comic books were seventy-five cents back then!
Long Kent Nelson story short, he fixes Blue Beetle and everybody goes back to whatever they were doing before all of this nonsense began. I guess Kent Nelson was hanging out with a half-little-boy, half-hot-chick magic-user and an evil Yiddish devil dog. Blue Beetle was harassing everybody at the Justice League Embassy, so he just goes back to that. And Batman now probably had a backlog of criminals to nearly kill. It's funny how Batman thinks he's effective because criminals are a superstitious lot when he's actually effective because criminals get tired of dealing with all the broken bones. Although with health care being the scam it is, it's no wonder they just wind up henchmanning for another psychotic villain to pay their bills.
What I'm saying is can't Batman find a better way?!
Meanwhile, Barda, Mister Miracle, and Fire track down Big Barda's Mega-rod to some punk-rock teenager who activates it and Barda's anal beads start buzzing.
Nabu manages to send Beetle's consciousness into his body so that Nabu can work on breaking down the "Azrael's Block" set up in Beetle's mind by the Queen Bee. Couldn't Justice League Europe have added in removing the block from Beetle into their compromise with Queen Bee? What a bunch of selfish jerks. Now that have to rely on a dead man possessed by a Lord of Order. Although now the dead man is possessed by Ted Kord and the Lord of Order is busy rooting around in Ted's psyche. Plus the Lord of Order mentioned being roommates with a Yiddish devil dog which really pisses me off because how did I not read that comic book back in 1989?! It's not like I couldn't afford it! Comic books were seventy-five cents back then!
Long Kent Nelson story short, he fixes Blue Beetle and everybody goes back to whatever they were doing before all of this nonsense began. I guess Kent Nelson was hanging out with a half-little-boy, half-hot-chick magic-user and an evil Yiddish devil dog. Blue Beetle was harassing everybody at the Justice League Embassy, so he just goes back to that. And Batman now probably had a backlog of criminals to nearly kill. It's funny how Batman thinks he's effective because criminals are a superstitious lot when he's actually effective because criminals get tired of dealing with all the broken bones. Although with health care being the scam it is, it's no wonder they just wind up henchmanning for another psychotic villain to pay their bills.
What I'm saying is can't Batman find a better way?!
Meanwhile, Barda, Mister Miracle, and Fire track down Big Barda's Mega-rod to some punk-rock teenager who activates it and Barda's anal beads start buzzing.
Even Apokoliptian orgasms are dangerous.
Mister Miracle must be terrible in bed or else he and Barda would be buying a new house every day or two. Oh, that explains why she needs the Mega-rod.
Letters this month (am I still doing this? Yeah, I guess I'm still doing this) are from Nick Baynes of Croydon, England; Janine Coles of New Orleans, Louisiana; K.M. Mathews of Singapore; Neil Alquist of Minneapolis, Minnesota; Charles Sperling of Flushing, New York; Simon DelMonte of Forest Hills, New York; Russ Bedell of Glen Rock, Pennsylvania; and Steve Jordan of Bend, Oregon. I just read all of the letters and have immediately forgotten what they said. Maybe I should just stop reading the letters.
Justice League #29 Rating: B+. I haven't really been paying attention because I've been doing this so sporadically and trying to get back into a groove but I think the Justice League hasn't done anything heroic in at least three, maybe four months. In the last few issues, Guy and Ice went on a date while Beetle and Fire have been dealing with medical issues. And that's about it! Next issue probably isn't going to be anything heroic either as it seems Barda, Fire, and Mister Miracle are simply going to have to save themselves from Big Barda's irresponsible handling of her Mega-rod. Three teenagers are already dead because of her inability to lock it up safely when not in sexy use. Remember when this team used to save the world from the likes of Starro, Amazo, and Despero, all within a few months of each other?! Now what are they up to?! Mostly sexual harassment!
Letters this month (am I still doing this? Yeah, I guess I'm still doing this) are from Nick Baynes of Croydon, England; Janine Coles of New Orleans, Louisiana; K.M. Mathews of Singapore; Neil Alquist of Minneapolis, Minnesota; Charles Sperling of Flushing, New York; Simon DelMonte of Forest Hills, New York; Russ Bedell of Glen Rock, Pennsylvania; and Steve Jordan of Bend, Oregon. I just read all of the letters and have immediately forgotten what they said. Maybe I should just stop reading the letters.
Justice League #29 Rating: B+. I haven't really been paying attention because I've been doing this so sporadically and trying to get back into a groove but I think the Justice League hasn't done anything heroic in at least three, maybe four months. In the last few issues, Guy and Ice went on a date while Beetle and Fire have been dealing with medical issues. And that's about it! Next issue probably isn't going to be anything heroic either as it seems Barda, Fire, and Mister Miracle are simply going to have to save themselves from Big Barda's irresponsible handling of her Mega-rod. Three teenagers are already dead because of her inability to lock it up safely when not in sexy use. Remember when this team used to save the world from the likes of Starro, Amazo, and Despero, all within a few months of each other?! Now what are they up to?! Mostly sexual harassment!
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