Teen Titans Spotlight #4: Jericho

Jericho is from Gemworld, isn't he?

As a person who has wasted forty years of his life reading comic books, I think I know enough about Jericho to declare his powers aren't going to save Penny in this situation. If the people with the guns want to kill her, she's dead as soon as he enters somebody else's head. Unless...let me check Jericho's Who's Who entry! Nope, it doesn't say that somebody holding onto his cock goes with him into his opponent's mind.

When we last left Jericho, he was practically naked discovering that the woman he loved at, I don't know, fourteen? fifteen? was still alive.

Do comic book artists know how penises work? Jericho had better only be drawn from the waist up in subsequent panels.

Some people might think Jericho should be mad because Penny didn't let him know she was alive. But if I were Jericho, I would just be thinking about all of the fucking I was about to do. Humans are weird, right? How many people, after discovering that the person you love is actually alive and well, would ruin that shit by pouting and being upset and selfishly thinking only about how they had been abandoned?! I mean, it's almost a miracle! A person you thought was dead isn't! How can you not be ecstatic about it?! Plus the imminent fucking!

Penny had better hope there aren't any signs in sign language for "You hurt me!" and "How could you do this to me?" and "Two years? I get to put it in your ass, right?!"

I dislike making "women need added incentive to put a penis in their butt" jokes because have you met women? They're filthy dirty perverts! But I figured Joey, being the sensitive type, never really attempted anal with Penny. But I bet some of his poetry was totally about doing anal.

The Snail

Taut antenna gently poking;
Slimy trail drips behind.
Ever slowly, slight withdrawing.
Hides its head so deep inside.

Joey acts happy that Penny is back. Right up until he tries to fuck her and she's all, "No, no! I'm married now! Alas!" But then she explains that her husband has been kidnapped and Joey's spirits rise once again! Maybe he'll be killed! Sometimes stories do end happily ever after!

Fucking Addie. Take some personal responsibility, will you?!

Joey agrees to help Penny find Curt because Joey is the sensitive type that is totally into Devil's Triangles. Penny explains that Curt was kidnapped because of his knowledge of promethium. Not the promethium that exists in the real world but DC Universe promethium. Apparently promethium in the DC Universe can explode forever. Using my knowledge of the DC Universe, I must now conclude that Cyborg has the greatest orgasms in DC continuity. Although after doing some minor research because I know my knowledge of the DC Universe is spurious at best, it seems Cyborg's metal is made of depleted promethium. Which means Cyborg is impotent.

This is the sign for "Can I we fist now?"

Penny's father (whose name I should know but I never really thought his story arc would be in the foreground) threatens Qurac if they don't stop interfering in his interests with their Goddamned terrorism. He then slaughters some henchmen just to boost his aging self-esteem, with which none of his other henchmen seem to have a problem. And since even after killing some youthful men, he still feels old, he goes to bang a bunch of young women in the pool.

This comment is definitely directed at Deathstork. "I might be one of H.I.V.E.'s greatest monsters but not on the level of Slade Wilson!"

As Penny, Joey, and Adeline do some research at Searchers, Inc., they're attacked by more guys in jetpacks. I'm not fluent in super villain evil plans so I probably shouldn't tell them how to do their jobs. But flying around in jetpacks in a small office room doesn't feel like it confers much of an advantage. And I'm probably right about my supposition because the jetpack guys get their asses kicked by Joey and Penny. Plus Joey manages to sneak in one of those probably unintentionally sexy mind control panels.

The other henchmen, so intrigued by what might come next, stand rooted to the stairs.

Penny winds up being kidnapped because, in the end, the advantage of jetpacks is too great to overcome. I was wrong after all. Which I totally knew I was! So, technically, I was right all along.

Surprising only those who voraciously tore into the comic book without glancing at the cover, Penny has been taken to Amsterdam. I bet they're about to have some kind of showdown there!

The big showdown is more of a big letdown as Jericho once again fails to rescue Penny. She's carried off yet again by the Quraci terrorists. Arthur Lord (that's Penny's dad's name! I finally committed it to my brain!) decides the only way to get her back is to give Qurac some promethium. But the only way to get it is for Jericho to break into STAR Labs! I guess that won't be a problem for him, seeing as how he's Wildebeest and an enemy to all Titans! Oops! That was probably a spoiler! Sorry!

Teen Titans Spotlight #4: Jericho Rating: C. Mostly it gets a C because I didn't really pay attention to the story. It's fairly standard villains playing each other while a hero gets caught up in the middle out of love story. And the main character barely gets to express himself across 24 pages! It's mostly Adeline putting words in his mouth and Jericho responding with an obscene gesture. So it could have been better than a C comic book. Who knows? Not me! I don't actually review these things! What kind of fool thinks they're getting subjective critiques from this asshole?!