Alfred listening to Dick Grayson describe how his cock just won't fit in the green Speedos anymore.
If I were Two-Face, my signature move would be plopping my ball's on Batman's bare chin after getting the better of him. Because I have two testicles! If I were Two-Face, would one side of my scrotum look like a disgusting mess and the other half look not normal?
While Two-Face tries to figure out how he's going to lure Batman to him so he can murder him, Batman tries to figure out how he can lure Two-Face out in the open to just almost murder him. I guess having the villain and the hero's plot arcs mirror each other somehow fits in to the whole Two-Face theme. Oh, it's like two sides of the same coin!
While Two-Face tries to figure out how he's going to lure Batman to him so he can murder him, Batman tries to figure out how he can lure Two-Face out in the open to just almost murder him. I guess having the villain and the hero's plot arcs mirror each other somehow fits in to the whole Two-Face theme. Oh, it's like two sides of the same coin!
Can you "Too soon?" something that took place twelve years before the thing being "Too sooned"?
I debated saying "Two soon!" but figured I'd just confuse everybody on the Internet. Everybody wants to suspect errors before they suspect whimsy or facetiousness. You're all so Goddamned intelligent that you can't just let an idiot make a stupid joke on the Internet without worrying about the repercussions! You just can't make a grammar joke about the death of 3000 people anymore!
Batman as a hipster.
Now I feel the need to explain everything I type! He's pretending his Batarang is an old-timey mustache!
While Two-Face and Batman try to figure out the other one's next move, Dick and Tim visit with Alfred at Wayne Manor. Alfred does not punch Dick in the face and scream, "No! He shouldn't be here! Get this young man out of here! It's too dangerous!" Instead, Alfred and Dick just listen to Tim's story about how he learned of Batman and Robin's secret identities, both of them thinking, "Batman's going to get this kid killed some day, isn't he?"
I thought maybe Two-Face and Batman would come up with the same plan but that's because I didn't put much thought into how that would work. Two-Face's plan was to kidnap the Wright boys, a celebrity set of twins, and hold them for ransom. So what's the clue to Batman in that crime? Two Wrights make a wrong? Batman comes up with a better temptation to lure Two-Face out. He holds a poker tournament at the Gemini Club with a cash payout of 22 million dollars. If Batman were trying to lure me into committing a crime, he'd have to host the poker tournament at the Virgo Club with a payout of 69 million dollars.
Batman tells Commissioner Gordon that the kids will have to die because Batman has already set the bait on the trap. And also he doesn't know any other superheroes who might be able to help. Well, he knows some. But he burnt his bridge with The Outsiders and Batgirl's in a wheelchair and he burnt his bridge with the Justice League when he went off to start The Outsiders and he punched Guy Gardner in the face and I just can't keep listing all the ways in which Batman pissed off every other hero in the DC Universe. Not that they wouldn't help out the Wright kids if Batman contacted them to help! The problem is Batman won't contact them because he's stubborn and it would be an awkward conversation and, look, he's doing everything he can but he still can't save everybody. He learned that from his pal Spider-man.
Eventually Batman can't live with the guilt of two dead kids so he leaves his stakeout. And Two-Face can't live without 22 million dollars! So they leave their posts and exchange positions. Was this story was written by O. Henry?
Back at Wayne Manor, Tim continues to tell Dick the story of how he figured out the secret identities of Batman and Robin. But I don't think Dick is paying close attention.
While Two-Face and Batman try to figure out the other one's next move, Dick and Tim visit with Alfred at Wayne Manor. Alfred does not punch Dick in the face and scream, "No! He shouldn't be here! Get this young man out of here! It's too dangerous!" Instead, Alfred and Dick just listen to Tim's story about how he learned of Batman and Robin's secret identities, both of them thinking, "Batman's going to get this kid killed some day, isn't he?"
I thought maybe Two-Face and Batman would come up with the same plan but that's because I didn't put much thought into how that would work. Two-Face's plan was to kidnap the Wright boys, a celebrity set of twins, and hold them for ransom. So what's the clue to Batman in that crime? Two Wrights make a wrong? Batman comes up with a better temptation to lure Two-Face out. He holds a poker tournament at the Gemini Club with a cash payout of 22 million dollars. If Batman were trying to lure me into committing a crime, he'd have to host the poker tournament at the Virgo Club with a payout of 69 million dollars.
Batman tells Commissioner Gordon that the kids will have to die because Batman has already set the bait on the trap. And also he doesn't know any other superheroes who might be able to help. Well, he knows some. But he burnt his bridge with The Outsiders and Batgirl's in a wheelchair and he burnt his bridge with the Justice League when he went off to start The Outsiders and he punched Guy Gardner in the face and I just can't keep listing all the ways in which Batman pissed off every other hero in the DC Universe. Not that they wouldn't help out the Wright kids if Batman contacted them to help! The problem is Batman won't contact them because he's stubborn and it would be an awkward conversation and, look, he's doing everything he can but he still can't save everybody. He learned that from his pal Spider-man.
Eventually Batman can't live with the guilt of two dead kids so he leaves his stakeout. And Two-Face can't live without 22 million dollars! So they leave their posts and exchange positions. Was this story was written by O. Henry?
Back at Wayne Manor, Tim continues to tell Dick the story of how he figured out the secret identities of Batman and Robin. But I don't think Dick is paying close attention.
Jeff?! Who the fuck is Jeff?!
Jeff pleads with Dick to dress up like Robin and go to Batman. He's convinced that Batman is getting out of control without the calming influence of a young boy at his side. I guess the theory is that if Batman needs to make sure the young boy he brought with him into a dangerous situation doesn't get killed, he'll be more careful. So by endangering a young boy, the man who has chosen to throw himself in harm's way over and over again has better of odds of surviving. That seems fair! Good psychological detective work, Jeff Drake!
Tim gets upset that Dick won't dress up as Robin to go meet Batman. Instead, he takes off as Nightwing, leaving Tim with Alfred in the Batcave. Alfred pulls out his measuring tape and begins sizing Tim up to start on the alterations to the Robin costume.
Batman #441 Rating: B. The weirdest thing about reading this comic book is how Two-Face leaves puzzling clues for Batman to solve to find the Wright kids. And they make enough sense that after Batman explains them, I said, "Oh, yeah! Um, I guess? Good work!" I feel like Batman writers of the past consistently came up with imaginative clues for Batman's detective half to solve. You get that far less in modern Batman comic books. Sure, occasionally Snyder or somebody will write an issue that plays like an old Batman story. But more generally, one of Batman's villains just starts destroying shit or killing people and Batman reacts to the violence. And even though the old way meant the villains had some kind of weird desire to massage a beating out of Batman by leaving clues, it also meant that Batman could stop the villain before people were killed. Too often, I feel like Batman's failure to save all the people The Joker or The Riddler or Clayface kills just gets ignored. As long as Batman captures the villain at the end of the story, Batman has won and made Gotham a better place. But how can Batman not rend his garments over every fucking life lost? That's the whole point of his existence! To stop random violence against innocent and ordinary citizens of Gotham! I suppose he's just gotten better at compartmentalizing the deaths. People die not due to his failure to save them but due to the evil people in the world doing violent things. You can't blame Batman for not saving everybody! Remember that thing he learned from his pal Spider-man?! Sometimes when people die on your watch, the most noble thing you can do is shrug your shoulders and hurry out of the Commissioner's window to get on with your next story arc.
Tim gets upset that Dick won't dress up as Robin to go meet Batman. Instead, he takes off as Nightwing, leaving Tim with Alfred in the Batcave. Alfred pulls out his measuring tape and begins sizing Tim up to start on the alterations to the Robin costume.
Batman #441 Rating: B. The weirdest thing about reading this comic book is how Two-Face leaves puzzling clues for Batman to solve to find the Wright kids. And they make enough sense that after Batman explains them, I said, "Oh, yeah! Um, I guess? Good work!" I feel like Batman writers of the past consistently came up with imaginative clues for Batman's detective half to solve. You get that far less in modern Batman comic books. Sure, occasionally Snyder or somebody will write an issue that plays like an old Batman story. But more generally, one of Batman's villains just starts destroying shit or killing people and Batman reacts to the violence. And even though the old way meant the villains had some kind of weird desire to massage a beating out of Batman by leaving clues, it also meant that Batman could stop the villain before people were killed. Too often, I feel like Batman's failure to save all the people The Joker or The Riddler or Clayface kills just gets ignored. As long as Batman captures the villain at the end of the story, Batman has won and made Gotham a better place. But how can Batman not rend his garments over every fucking life lost? That's the whole point of his existence! To stop random violence against innocent and ordinary citizens of Gotham! I suppose he's just gotten better at compartmentalizing the deaths. People die not due to his failure to save them but due to the evil people in the world doing violent things. You can't blame Batman for not saving everybody! Remember that thing he learned from his pal Spider-man?! Sometimes when people die on your watch, the most noble thing you can do is shrug your shoulders and hurry out of the Commissioner's window to get on with your next story arc.
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