“Hey, you think this floating sword is trapped?”
“I don’t know. Take off your shirt and poke it with a stick.”
The copy on the cover of this issue reads, "No risk is too great for magical treasure." If two sad and pathetic friends had been arguing with each other over the last fifteen years whether or not Dragon Magazine was for real roleplayers or fucking Munchkins, they finally received clarification on the issue (literally! Right there on the cover!). Who the fuck risks their character for a piece of treasure?! That question was rhetorical because I've spent a non-zero amount of time watching players implode during games I've been running as soon as they lost their favorite magic item.
DM: "Your Axe of Flight is knocked out of your hands by a well placed arrow, landing behind the five giant trolls of invulnerability. You tumble a safe distance away with only minor wounds. The trolls begin scanning the area looking for where you've landed."
Player: "My axe! I get up and charge the trolls!"
DM: "The trolls of invulnerability? All five of them? The ones that don't currently know you've landed a safe distance away with a clear getaway?"
Player:: "Yeah! Try to take away my axe away, will you?! I'll show you, you prick!"
DM:: "You did see the critical hit with that arrow shot, right?
Player: "Yeah but you could have had the arrow rip off my testicles. Why my axe?!"
DM:: "Okay, fine. You charge the trolls. The largest one with the spear has initiative."
Player: "Whatever."
DM: "The troll's blow smashes through your leg and into the pelvis, caving in the lower abdomen. Blood showers the troll. You collapse dying almost instantly from shock and blood loss."
Player:: "Fuck you."
I still play Fortnite with that player. She regularly throws games away by looting piles of weapons while the storm eats away at her health. She should be reading Dragon Magazine!
I made up some stuff in that mini-drama but the essence of it is true. I didn't really have creatures called trolls of invulnerability. They were some kind of Samurai Ogres that the adventurers encountered as they left the European part of the Warhammer world and traveled east over the World's Edge Mountains. It's also possible that this player didn't quite realize that the point of leaving their usual stomping grounds was because they had grown too powerful there and that, perhaps, the creatures they were about to face were more of a challenge. Or maybe some people just can't separate their character from their character's possessions.
Although maybe that copy on the cover was just to indicate this issue would have a bunch of new magic items? Sometimes I get a little heated about stuff that is instantly clarified as soon as I shut up and listen.
DM: "Your Axe of Flight is knocked out of your hands by a well placed arrow, landing behind the five giant trolls of invulnerability. You tumble a safe distance away with only minor wounds. The trolls begin scanning the area looking for where you've landed."
Player: "My axe! I get up and charge the trolls!"
DM: "The trolls of invulnerability? All five of them? The ones that don't currently know you've landed a safe distance away with a clear getaway?"
Player:: "Yeah! Try to take away my axe away, will you?! I'll show you, you prick!"
DM:: "You did see the critical hit with that arrow shot, right?
Player: "Yeah but you could have had the arrow rip off my testicles. Why my axe?!"
DM:: "Okay, fine. You charge the trolls. The largest one with the spear has initiative."
Player: "Whatever."
DM: "The troll's blow smashes through your leg and into the pelvis, caving in the lower abdomen. Blood showers the troll. You collapse dying almost instantly from shock and blood loss."
Player:: "Fuck you."
I still play Fortnite with that player. She regularly throws games away by looting piles of weapons while the storm eats away at her health. She should be reading Dragon Magazine!
I made up some stuff in that mini-drama but the essence of it is true. I didn't really have creatures called trolls of invulnerability. They were some kind of Samurai Ogres that the adventurers encountered as they left the European part of the Warhammer world and traveled east over the World's Edge Mountains. It's also possible that this player didn't quite realize that the point of leaving their usual stomping grounds was because they had grown too powerful there and that, perhaps, the creatures they were about to face were more of a challenge. Or maybe some people just can't separate their character from their character's possessions.
Although maybe that copy on the cover was just to indicate this issue would have a bunch of new magic items? Sometimes I get a little heated about stuff that is instantly clarified as soon as I shut up and listen.
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