Occasionally, Dragon Magazine published short stories. This issue features "Moonlight" by Heather Lynn Sarik.
I'll be reading "moonlight" as "semen" for the entirety of this story. "Semen" by Heather Lynn Sarik.
"Lien watched the trickle of distilled semen and tried to hold her anxious breathing to slow, labored gasps. From her vantage point behind a thick shroud of black velvet curtains, she could see the bowed form of the Sky-Watcher, his eyes locked on the glimmering liquid, his hands occasionally reaching out to pat at its ornate quartz receptacle. Silver threads glittered in his black robes as he breathed; upon his tufted white hair sat a wholly ridiculous circlet bearing a stylized cresent [sic] moon as big as Lien's palm."
Come on! Heather was hardly disguising this deviant work of pornography! It's all about two thieves who steal some semen from a monastery so they can sell it. They spend the rest of the story trying to get some unsuspecting idiot to drink their semen to find out if it's magic. The big twist is that even the Sky-Watchers distilling the semen don't know what it does, even though they're practically drowning in the stuff. The sexiest part of the story is when the arrogant rich guy chugs a bunch of the semen because he ate a Periapt of Proof Against Poison. The grossest part of the story is when the thieves spike a stew with the semen and everybody in the tavern gets sick.
Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought of selling a story where every character was obsessed with semen (so much so that the local monastery was filling their well with the stuff) to a non-semen-aficionado magazine. My first draft of that sentence began "Never would I have thought of writing a story where every character was obsessed with semen," but I realized the inaccuracy of that statement and quickly fixed it.
Come on! Heather was hardly disguising this deviant work of pornography! It's all about two thieves who steal some semen from a monastery so they can sell it. They spend the rest of the story trying to get some unsuspecting idiot to drink their semen to find out if it's magic. The big twist is that even the Sky-Watchers distilling the semen don't know what it does, even though they're practically drowning in the stuff. The sexiest part of the story is when the arrogant rich guy chugs a bunch of the semen because he ate a Periapt of Proof Against Poison. The grossest part of the story is when the thieves spike a stew with the semen and everybody in the tavern gets sick.
Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought of selling a story where every character was obsessed with semen (so much so that the local monastery was filling their well with the stuff) to a non-semen-aficionado magazine. My first draft of that sentence began "Never would I have thought of writing a story where every character was obsessed with semen," but I realized the inaccuracy of that statement and quickly fixed it.
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