Godspeed is not a clever villain.
The Commentary!
• Recently, policecop August Heart let justice go to his head and he became a vigilante. But then as a vigilante killing criminals who were arrested for the pettiest of crimes so he could take their speed powers, he let the speed force go to his head and he became a supervillain. And now as a supervillain, he needs to kill The Flash since that's what supervillains do. I guess he really isn't into justice any more.
• Now August Heart, aka Godspeed, thinks so much of himself that he's decided to narrate this issue. Shoot, he probably can't be any worse than Roy Harper.
• August Heart is still making excuses for killing a bunch of the newbie speedsters. His excuse is, "I just wanted more power!" Hmm, that's not much of an excuse, right? Barry isn't going to buy that one. He should have said something like, "I slipped in the shower!" That one always works with proctologists. Although it probably only works because they're not really interested in the real reason you got a Zima bottle stuck in your rear end, or why you were drinking Zima in the first place. Oh! A good excuse that usually works for calling in sick to work is that you have diarrhea! Although one time, Doom Bunny's friend Marco tried that excuse and wound up needing a doctor's note so he went to the doctor and told a bunch of lies that made it sound like he was way sicker than faking and so he ended up getting a rectal exam. He still got out of work so it was probably worth it.
• Oh! Speaking of Doom Bunny, he's often posting things that his son says on Facebook that are funny (you know, the way parents do!). But he sent me a text the other day that said this: "[Son's quote] I can't put on FB: "Mama, I don't know why, but my penis is straight out!" I'm sure his wife either said "Go talk to your dad about it" or "I've got a headache."
• Godspeed beats up on Barry by creating two versions of himself. He's that fast! I mean, does speed explain that ability? I know time travel explains it! But it's not like anything can be fast enough to be in two places at once, right? Anyway, he can't do it for too long before he's overcome by tremendous pain. That's when Barry kicks him in the nuts and runs away to come up with a plan.
• Godspeed is faster than the Flash because Godspeed stole a bunch of other speedster's powers. So Barry is going to have to take all the power away from the speedsters left in Central City. They don't want their power anymore anyway. He just needs to figure out how to do it without killing anybody. He and Godspeed did it once, so it can be done without Crisis on Infinite Earthing the other speedsters. But for now, Barry needs to pout because he's not the fastest anymore.
• Godspeed decides he's not a supervillain at all but a superhero. So he goes around stopping crime by grotesquely murdering anybody committing the crime. I guess he forgot about the justice system!
• The Flash discovers Wally has super powers and that Wally needs training. And a terrible yellow suit.
• The Flash and Wally meet with the other speedsters who give up their powers to them. All it took for a person not to die in the exchange was to be willing to give up the power. After they're finished, it's just Godspeed, Wally, and Barry left with the power. That means it's time for the big fight where Godspeed will lose his powers and say something like how he just wanted justice and Barry will say something about vengeance and then everybody will laugh as the credits roll.
• Recently, policecop August Heart let justice go to his head and he became a vigilante. But then as a vigilante killing criminals who were arrested for the pettiest of crimes so he could take their speed powers, he let the speed force go to his head and he became a supervillain. And now as a supervillain, he needs to kill The Flash since that's what supervillains do. I guess he really isn't into justice any more.
• Now August Heart, aka Godspeed, thinks so much of himself that he's decided to narrate this issue. Shoot, he probably can't be any worse than Roy Harper.
• August Heart is still making excuses for killing a bunch of the newbie speedsters. His excuse is, "I just wanted more power!" Hmm, that's not much of an excuse, right? Barry isn't going to buy that one. He should have said something like, "I slipped in the shower!" That one always works with proctologists. Although it probably only works because they're not really interested in the real reason you got a Zima bottle stuck in your rear end, or why you were drinking Zima in the first place. Oh! A good excuse that usually works for calling in sick to work is that you have diarrhea! Although one time, Doom Bunny's friend Marco tried that excuse and wound up needing a doctor's note so he went to the doctor and told a bunch of lies that made it sound like he was way sicker than faking and so he ended up getting a rectal exam. He still got out of work so it was probably worth it.
• Oh! Speaking of Doom Bunny, he's often posting things that his son says on Facebook that are funny (you know, the way parents do!). But he sent me a text the other day that said this: "[Son's quote] I can't put on FB: "Mama, I don't know why, but my penis is straight out!" I'm sure his wife either said "Go talk to your dad about it" or "I've got a headache."
• Godspeed beats up on Barry by creating two versions of himself. He's that fast! I mean, does speed explain that ability? I know time travel explains it! But it's not like anything can be fast enough to be in two places at once, right? Anyway, he can't do it for too long before he's overcome by tremendous pain. That's when Barry kicks him in the nuts and runs away to come up with a plan.
• Godspeed is faster than the Flash because Godspeed stole a bunch of other speedster's powers. So Barry is going to have to take all the power away from the speedsters left in Central City. They don't want their power anymore anyway. He just needs to figure out how to do it without killing anybody. He and Godspeed did it once, so it can be done without Crisis on Infinite Earthing the other speedsters. But for now, Barry needs to pout because he's not the fastest anymore.
• Godspeed decides he's not a supervillain at all but a superhero. So he goes around stopping crime by grotesquely murdering anybody committing the crime. I guess he forgot about the justice system!
• The Flash discovers Wally has super powers and that Wally needs training. And a terrible yellow suit.
• The Flash and Wally meet with the other speedsters who give up their powers to them. All it took for a person not to die in the exchange was to be willing to give up the power. After they're finished, it's just Godspeed, Wally, and Barry left with the power. That means it's time for the big fight where Godspeed will lose his powers and say something like how he just wanted justice and Barry will say something about vengeance and then everybody will laugh as the credits roll.
Ah ha ha ha ha!
• I got the order of things wrong! Barry's justice versus vengeance comment happened before the big fight. The Flash and Godspeed are headed to Iron Heights to talk. Or to steal Zoom's powers. Or to kiss in the janitor's closet.
• It turns out August Heart just wants to kill everybody in prison. He's not as compassionate as his name would make one think.
The Ranking!
+0! How many times do we have to have the story about whether it's better to kill criminals or to leave them to the justice system? I just watched the first episode of the new season of Arrow and they had that fucking discussion. I'm so fucking sick of it. It's lazy and arrogant and fucked up to kill a criminal. It's also the way most ignorant assholes think. They believe once a criminal, always a criminal. Hell, it seems to be the majority opinion of most Americans. Somebody does something wrong, throw them in a cell and destroy the key. When did we decide the idea of rehabilitation was completely off the table and not even on the floor where it fell but hidden in a locked crate and tucked away in the basement? People aren't inherently good or bad. And often, the current prison and justice system helps to keep people bad instead of giving them any hope that they can turn their lives around after a poor choice or terrible mistake. My mom sent me the series The Night Of (pirated by her off of her DVR, of course!) because she loved it so much. One of my first major reactions while watching it was incredulousness at how they put a person awaiting trial in a serious fucking prison. How the hell does that happen?! Even if the court denies bail, how in the hell do you put a presumed innocent person in a prison surrounded by people who have already been convicted? And, of course, that was a huge part of what the series was about. I still don't want to believe that that actually happens. Does that actually happen?! HOW IN THE FUCK?!
• It turns out August Heart just wants to kill everybody in prison. He's not as compassionate as his name would make one think.
The Ranking!
+0! How many times do we have to have the story about whether it's better to kill criminals or to leave them to the justice system? I just watched the first episode of the new season of Arrow and they had that fucking discussion. I'm so fucking sick of it. It's lazy and arrogant and fucked up to kill a criminal. It's also the way most ignorant assholes think. They believe once a criminal, always a criminal. Hell, it seems to be the majority opinion of most Americans. Somebody does something wrong, throw them in a cell and destroy the key. When did we decide the idea of rehabilitation was completely off the table and not even on the floor where it fell but hidden in a locked crate and tucked away in the basement? People aren't inherently good or bad. And often, the current prison and justice system helps to keep people bad instead of giving them any hope that they can turn their lives around after a poor choice or terrible mistake. My mom sent me the series The Night Of (pirated by her off of her DVR, of course!) because she loved it so much. One of my first major reactions while watching it was incredulousness at how they put a person awaiting trial in a serious fucking prison. How the hell does that happen?! Even if the court denies bail, how in the hell do you put a presumed innocent person in a prison surrounded by people who have already been convicted? And, of course, that was a huge part of what the series was about. I still don't want to believe that that actually happens. Does that actually happen?! HOW IN THE FUCK?!
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