Emo Tim is off to college!
The Commentary!
• Some people may have been thinking Detective Comics was now a comic book where Batman gets to interact with fan favorite members of the Bat-Family who haven't had much time to shine during The New 52. Some people may have even thought it was about Batman working through his control issues to let Batwoman run things her own way. It's even possible this could have been a comic book about how Clayface redeems himself and winds up rekindling his acting career and winning an Oscar. But it isn't actually about any of those things. It's not even about something new. It's just more of the same old DC Universe same old.
• Some people may have been thinking Detective Comics was now a comic book where Batman gets to interact with fan favorite members of the Bat-Family who haven't had much time to shine during The New 52. Some people may have even thought it was about Batman working through his control issues to let Batwoman run things her own way. It's even possible this could have been a comic book about how Clayface redeems himself and winds up rekindling his acting career and winning an Oscar. But it isn't actually about any of those things. It's not even about something new. It's just more of the same old DC Universe same old.
Am I the only person in the universe who hasn't based my entire life on the approval of my father?!
• Tim is battling hundreds of armed drones all by himself. Batman is so panicked that he actually asks Nightwing to contact Midnighter for help! Why would Batman even acknowledge the better version of himself?! He's better off pretending he's never heard of him. When you know somebody exists who is better at doing the thing you do, the only way to seem like you're actually better is to pretend you've never heard of the person! Batman just ruined his only method of getting one over on Midnighter! I guess he loves Tim that much. No, wait. I think he doesn't believe in Tim's abilities that much!
• Tim manages to defeat the first wave of drones but not without suffering serious injuries to the everything. So now he sees the second wave approaching and he just gives up. He's all, "Tell everybody I loved them! Except Damian! Fuck that piece of shit! ROBIN OUT, MOTHERFUCKERS!"
• Batman looks around to make sure nobody is around him before he yells, "TIM!" Batman should be more like Deathstroke and then he'd never have to worry about exposing the secret identity of his superhero children. I mean, if you don't even realize that your son's name is Joseph then you never have to worry about using his real name in public! Although it is weird when he's trying to have a tender moment with Joseph and Slade keeps calling him Jericho. But that was the latest version of The New 52 Deathstork! Since the Rebirth, he seems to know his kids' names again.
• Tim says goodbye to Stephanie and a bunch of fans who have invested a bunch of emotion in this fake relationship have feelings. I just yawn and stuff another Oreo into my mouth. It's good to be dead inside!
• Tim manages to defeat the first wave of drones but not without suffering serious injuries to the everything. So now he sees the second wave approaching and he just gives up. He's all, "Tell everybody I loved them! Except Damian! Fuck that piece of shit! ROBIN OUT, MOTHERFUCKERS!"
• Batman looks around to make sure nobody is around him before he yells, "TIM!" Batman should be more like Deathstroke and then he'd never have to worry about exposing the secret identity of his superhero children. I mean, if you don't even realize that your son's name is Joseph then you never have to worry about using his real name in public! Although it is weird when he's trying to have a tender moment with Joseph and Slade keeps calling him Jericho. But that was the latest version of The New 52 Deathstork! Since the Rebirth, he seems to know his kids' names again.
• Tim says goodbye to Stephanie and a bunch of fans who have invested a bunch of emotion in this fake relationship have feelings. I just yawn and stuff another Oreo into my mouth. It's good to be dead inside!
Is the death of yet another Robin still a shock? Dick is now the only one who never died, right?
• I don't remember seeing a lot of outrage on the Internet about Tim Drake's death so this must be a hologram or something.
• Batman is all, "Bring Jacob Kane to me! He'll pay for the death of another Robin that isn't in any way my fault at all for creating a dangerous environment to bring young kids into! Alfred, get the Bat-testicle peelers ready!"
• Batwoman is all, "But we don't kill, Batman! We only involve ourselves in the part of justice before the sentencing! This goes against everything we believe!" And Batman is all, "Oh, he'll get his day in court! But his testicles will have to go in a Glad sandwich bag to keep from completely unraveling! Also he might die of secondary infections but those won't be my fault at all. That's like his own fault for not caring for his wounds properly."
• Batman creepily waits for Spoiler in her unlit room and surprises her when she climbs through the window weeping. Batman is all, "Tim died a hero just like I always wanted him to do!" And Spoiler is all, "Read this, asshole!" And Batman reads a letter from a university that accepted Tim into their genius grant program. Batman drops the letter shocked and thinks, "Why would Tim take this grant away from a student who needs the help?! I could have paid his tuition and this spot could have been left open for some genius in need!" At least, that's what I think he thinks since he just looks shocked and drops the letter. I can't imagine he was thinking anything else!
• After that, Spoiler and Batman hug which is the hardest part of this story to read so far. Batman hugging is fucking awkward.
• Tim Drake finds himself in Doctor Oz(yman(hattan)dias)'s Who's Who Zoo next to the Doomsday exhibit. Apparently the bad guys who totally aren't the editors at DC Comics, you guys, decided that Tim and Spoiler getting back in a relationship wasn't good for The Watchmen's sour universe full of grim and grit and realism and laughs that aren't actually laughs but existentialist realizations that nothing matters. I wonder if he's in the same cell Jason Todd must have been in for decades!
Ranking: -1!
• Batman is all, "Bring Jacob Kane to me! He'll pay for the death of another Robin that isn't in any way my fault at all for creating a dangerous environment to bring young kids into! Alfred, get the Bat-testicle peelers ready!"
• Batwoman is all, "But we don't kill, Batman! We only involve ourselves in the part of justice before the sentencing! This goes against everything we believe!" And Batman is all, "Oh, he'll get his day in court! But his testicles will have to go in a Glad sandwich bag to keep from completely unraveling! Also he might die of secondary infections but those won't be my fault at all. That's like his own fault for not caring for his wounds properly."
• Batman creepily waits for Spoiler in her unlit room and surprises her when she climbs through the window weeping. Batman is all, "Tim died a hero just like I always wanted him to do!" And Spoiler is all, "Read this, asshole!" And Batman reads a letter from a university that accepted Tim into their genius grant program. Batman drops the letter shocked and thinks, "Why would Tim take this grant away from a student who needs the help?! I could have paid his tuition and this spot could have been left open for some genius in need!" At least, that's what I think he thinks since he just looks shocked and drops the letter. I can't imagine he was thinking anything else!
• After that, Spoiler and Batman hug which is the hardest part of this story to read so far. Batman hugging is fucking awkward.
• Tim Drake finds himself in Doctor Oz(yman(hattan)dias)'s Who's Who Zoo next to the Doomsday exhibit. Apparently the bad guys who totally aren't the editors at DC Comics, you guys, decided that Tim and Spoiler getting back in a relationship wasn't good for The Watchmen's sour universe full of grim and grit and realism and laughs that aren't actually laughs but existentialist realizations that nothing matters. I wonder if he's in the same cell Jason Todd must have been in for decades!
Ranking: -1!
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