Sunday, August 21, 2016

Titans $ell-out! #1 (1992)


I really should have asked because this comic book is terrible.

This issue marks the passing of the baton from editor Jon “I Love To Add Fake Middle Names To My Name To Make Me Seem Cool and This One Will Be ‘The Titans Need to Be More Like the X-Men!’” Peterson to Rob Simpson. This is the actual baton passing and not the first comic book of Rob Simpson since they’re both listed as editors. Maybe Rob was assistant editor all along. How should I know? It’s not like I have the curiosity or passion to take the previous issue out of the mylar and check! And since both are credited, I don’t know who to blame for encouraging Marv Wolfman to go in this Teeny Titans direction. Who wants to read a cartoon drawn by the letterer?!

The Titans have decided that since they’re constantly being sued and their property is constantly blowing up (usually from crashing into buildings in New York which is why they keep getting sued), they need some kind of revenue stream that doesn’t rely on Batman’s mysteriously deep pockets. No wait. I think they all know Batman is Bruce Wayne, right? He wasn’t that paranoid about his identity back then, right? Anyway, they all knew Nightwing was Dick Grayson and I’m pretty sure they’re all geniuses (except for Beast Boy (er, Changeling)), it wouldn’t be hard to figure out that Batman is Bruce Wayne. So to make money, they sign a bunch of contracts so toy companies and cartoon producers and comic book companies can use their names and images. I don’t know why anybody pays the Team Titans for anything. Nobody knows who they are!

Anyway, the Titans soon realize that they’ve given the green light to use their names and images on truly shoddy merchandise and possibly the most terrible cartoon I’ve ever seen/read. It’s calle Teeny Titans and I suspect they were trying to tie it to the popularity of Tiny Toon Adventures. Except the cartoon’s premise is more like Muppet Babies and the writing is horrible. I wonder if Marv and Jon and Rob and John ever even watched an episode of Tiny Toons?

Apparently this goofy ass shit that I’m fairly certain is supposed to be funny continues in the next issue of Deathstroke the Terminator where he is dead. So, um, ha ha?

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