Convergence: Swamp Thing #2

Ahhhhhhhhhh!

Last issue I began my commentary pointing out how people often lose interest in comic book characters without a sense of continuity in an established universe. This time I want to begin by saying who the fuck cares? Isn't the continuity of a character derived from the stories you've read across the years? Isn't that what binds a reader to the character? Why let a comic book company dictate to you which Batman stories are "true"? Batman is a shared fictional character that will never have a final act. His entire story is the middle act and it's all based on a mostly unchanging first act. As story arcs go, that's a pretty crappy model if you want a character to evolve. But the character has to change for the new audience that continually churns at the shores of fandom. All of those changes from decade to decade form what we think of Batman. The movies and the television shows and the cartoons and the books and the comics...they're all there to be incorporated into this character that people have enjoyed for years. Why let a corporation tell you that any part of the Batman mythos is less important than any other part? The important bits of Batman are the ones that made you love the character. The stories you remember aren't (most likely) the ones by his original creators. They're by a host of writers getting the chance to direct Batman in whatever way they (and the editors and the studios and the networks) see fit. Batman is not who DC Comics tells us he is. Batman is who you've determined Batman is, continuity be damned.

Besides, if you're fans of a comic book character long enough, you'll inevitably do your own editing of their continuity. Who would leave in Ann Nocenti's run of Catwoman in their envisioned history of the character? Fucking nobody! We learn soon enough that some writers will hand us gold and others should never been let near the vault. We learn that if the name of a certain writer (or artist) appears on the cover, we don't need to read that story. It never has to taint our vision of the character. As fans, we've seen dozens and dozens of reboots of our favorite characters over the years. They're called "a change in the writer." Sometimes you get spoiled and a writer remains on a book for so long that you can't help but accept every story as continuity, no matter how bad. And sometimes you get extremely lucky and a writer puts out something like Sandman or Cerebus where the tale is told exactly how one person wants to tell the tale and then the character is put away for good. Well, mostly. But even if you were able to read every copy of Detective Comics, you'd find that the changes in Batman are more drastic across the years in that single run then the changes made to Batman in Detective Comics #1 of The New 52. Although that was written by David Finch and was crap. But that wasn't the fault of The New 52 continuity! It was a crappy writer!

None of this has anything to do with Swamp Thing except that it kind of has everything to do with Swamp Thing, doesn't it? I can't think of any greater reboot in the history of DC Comics than when Alan Moore took over scripting on Swamp Thing #21 back in February of 1984. In a way, it began a Reboot of DC Comics that happened parallel to Crisis on Infinite Earths. It was the British Reboot and what would eventually become Vertigo. Those of you who weren't born yet have no idea how much mainstream comic books changed with the British Invasion and Vertigo. Think of what Image Comics is currently doing but realize that nothing like it had ever been seen before. It was revelation. And I kind of wish that DC's New 52 had merged all of their titles into the Vertigo line! Batman needs to cuss more.

I wonder if, as I peter out and slip into my usual voice, I should go back and pepper the previous three paragraphs with dick jokes? I wonder if "peter out and slip into" qualifies?

At the end of last issue, Swamp Thing was beset by vampires. Vegan vampires? No! Just normal vampires. This issue begins with Swamp Thing pointing out how stupid the are.

Swamp Thing is a tactical genius! Plus he knows a lot about vampires for 1984. He must have been a Dungeons & Dragons player. Or a fan of Salems Lot. Fright Night wouldn't come out for another year and that one taught people all the most important rules about fighting vampires! Like not inviting them into your house!

Vampire Batman appears and introduces himself to Swamp Thing. He points out that he's Swamp Thing's real opponent. But first he kills all the nagging vampires so he and Swamp Thing can figure out what to do next. I'm guessing Red Rain Batman is still a good guy? Even if he's a monster? Just like Swamp Thing! I think I discovered the theme! Don't judge a monster by the way it looks because that makes you the real monster!

Most people don't say "To be brutally honest" and then go on to say something that's hard for themselves to hear. But then most people aren't vampire Batman.

To be brutally honest, I'm a horrible writer. I'm just too lazy and unambitious to write any of the things I truly desire to write. So instead, I comment on comic books. I wonder how many great writers history has lost to frivolous pursuits?! I'm not claiming to be a great writer! If you thought I was then you're a lousy reader because I began this paragraph saying I was a horrible writer! The real problem with writing is that it takes more hard work than talent. You can be a hack but if you put your shoulder to the grindstone and just keep working at it, you can be successful. But if you have scads of talent but just can't be bothered with how toilsome writing can actually be? Forget it. You don't deserve to be remembered.

Batman agrees to let Swamp Thing win the battle but first he'd like Swamp Thing's help killing as many vampires as possible. It's basically beating a dead horse but then Batman is a vampire and who can really know what those things are into? Besides drinking blood and seducing stuff. I'd probably be really into video games and not writing.

Batman is searching for the Queen Vampire. I wonder if she'll be somebody important to Batman? Are there any females important to Batman? Oh! That one that he lectures and fucks! What's her name? Feline Lady?

Well. A redhead. Kate or Barbara? Judging by all the women in the room? Kate.

Swamp Thing kills all of the Vampire Queen's attendants with Garlic Gas while Batman goes after the queen. He decapitates her after a short battle in which she claims to have learned a lot of tricks over the centuries but she demonstrates none of them. After she's killed, the vampires that are left revert back into humans. Swamp Thing is all, "What the fuck?" And Batman is all, "Oh yeah. Didn't I mention? When the Queen dies, all of her victims turn back into humans!" And Swamp Thing is all, "So I...I...I just murdered dozens of people?!" Batman is all, "To be brutally honest? Yeah." Then Batman, who was turned by Dracula so he's still a vampire, heads out to watch the sunrise.

Swamp Thing and Abby win the competition and are transported back to Gotham where Len Wein ends his Convergence tale perfectly.

Got the earthquake in, made sure it didn't matter one fuck, and ended with the whole "The End?" thing which I think he absolutely meant. "Really, DC Editors? That's all I get to say about it? The reader doesn't get anything more than a stupid earthquake? Nice resolution, guys."

Convergence: Swamp Thing #2 Rating: 8.5 Hallucinogenic Tubers out of Ten. I think Len Wein did a smart thing with this story. He tried his best to write two stories that just happened to take place in this Convergence framework and I think he pulls it off nicely. The first story is merely a look at the burgeoning love between Swamp Thing and Abby as she takes care of him for a year in Gotham. There is still no romance between them but we see how much they mean to each other. In the second story, we get a heartbreaking tale of a man trying to protect his city not only from others but from himself as well. Swamp Thing is just a bit player in this Batman tale. And then on the final page (in each book, if I'm not mistaken?), Len throws in the editorially mandated things, washes the blood off of his hands, and removes himself from the proceedings.

Divergence: Catwoman
"She's still Gotham's queen of crime -- but now, in order to work all the angles, Selina Kyle is back as Catwoman!"

Well it's about time! I hope she teams up with Other Catwoman! You know, the one whose name I can't remember in that way that I can never remember names? I think it began with an "E"? Two Catwomen running around Gotham together would make Batman's head explode. Eiko! Was it Eiko?!

The preceding paragraph is why I'd suck on Jeopardy. My brain needs more time to process than contestants are allowed!

The most important bit of the Catwoman Sneak Peek that isn't mentioned in the "How Did We Completely Fuck This Title Up" blurb is the bit about how the art looks fantastic now! Did anybody see Catwoman's ass in that dress?! I mean, I can tell people apart! It's some good looking stuff.

Catwoman is still framing her stories around historic epistles. This sneak peek's is from Elizabeth I to her Council in 1585: "From mine enemy let me defend myself...from a pretensed friend, good Lord deliver me." It's fitting because this short story is mostly to get new readers caught up with Selina's position in the crime families of Gotham. Her friends and enemies are introduced and there's a bit of overlap in the categories, of course. Oh, and I said to help "new readers" get caught up but I think some old readers are glad for this summation of the groove in which events have settled. I know I was!