Vibe #8

Nope.

Whenever my Foster Robot Doom Bunny replies to yes/no questions in the negative, he says, "Nope!" in such a way that says, "Do not bother me again, extremely weak-skinned, blood filled sack of soft organs and excrement waiting to be excreted." Then his subroutines fire up, causing a series of clicks and whirrs as he ponders, "If excrement has not yet been excreted, it cannot rightly be called excrement. UNDEFINED ERROR." This leads to short bursts of laser fire from his eyes after which he rushes to the bathroom to interface with his dongle.

Everybody should have a Foster Robot! The most fun part of having one is on October 31st when the Luddite's Annual Purity Sweeps take place and they storm the house in a variety of costumes trying to put an end to his monstrous existence. It's fun because their weapons are made from crappy technology and my philosophy allows me to use an automatic shotgun! Although the Robot is a far quicker aim with his Microwave Breath than I am with my shotgun, so I've never actually killed a Luddite. I've only fired shells into still burning husks that have been incinerated from the inside out. It's still very exciting!

I also don't know why all the Luddites are so Goddamned short. I suppose they're also against vitamins and healthy diets.

Last issue, Vibe was kidnapped into Gypsy's home dimension by his brother Rupture. And Dante had been whisked away in his Dog Armor full of Super Hero Creating Nanites so that when we next see him, he'll be calling himself Purgatorio. Amanda Waller and Agent Gunn are busy trying to squelch the riot at The Circus and trying hard not to shit their pants over the escape of Omega.

This issue, Amethyst is helping protect House Topaz from House Quartz!

This is the best issue of Vibe yet!

Apparently I should be more careful about leaving comic books stacked up together in my "to read" pile because they're apparently susceptible to cross-contamination. This is the comic book that Vibe #8 was lying on top of overnight.

I'm glad Vibe didn't commingle with my next DC Comics Presents starring Madame Xanadu! Who needs that cunt ruining this comic book with her pretend visions of the end of the world?!

Princess Amaya (otherwise known as Amethyst, Princess of Gemworld!) is captured by a gigantic hulking monster made of Quartz that snaps her arm and engages in completely barbaric behaviour. He has obviously never been to Gemworld Finishing School and learned that you do not break the Princess's arm and threaten her life when exchanging cordialities. If only a hero would appear! Somebody that could create a resonant frequency that could shatter quartz! But who in Gemworld is capable of that?

Luckily when Vibe arrives via the portal created by his interaction with his brother Rupture, some strange power shatters all of the Giant Quartz men. Talk about a lucky break!

But before that happened, Vibe had been abandoned halfway through the portal to Gypsy's homeworld when Rupture believed Vibe had finally died and he had no more power to siphon off. And from his viewpoint in the portal, Vibe saw many places! Like Morpheus's Dream Realm. And Earth 2. He hears somebody speaking Old Portugese [sic] (or Runespeak (or Magic Symbol)) say, "They all deserve what they get." He hears about the death of the Justice League and sees some orchids floating on the wind. Then he sees a dinosaur watching Serenity. I'm sure it all means something very important! Or he's just in DC's Ad-Space.

He also passes through Earth 23.

Eventually he finds himself on the cancelled world of Nilaa which doesn't bode well for Vibe. The phrase "put out to pasture" comes to mind. Minus the sexual implications!

Vibe nearly kills Amethyst the way Vibe nearly kills everybody he touches that doesn't have the standard 528Hz vibrational frequency. But Breacher shows up in time to shove his cock into the middle of Vibe and Amethyst's embrace, saving Princess Amaya from death. Or catastrophic pleasure, conceivably.

Breacher saves Vibe's life as well by shoving a plug in his chest. He then kidnaps him to another world to join a small resistance group. They're probably resisting Rupture! Breacher then gives Vibe a quick Origin Story Clarification before revealing where he has brought Vibe.

Worst vacation getaway ever. Besides [insert your home town here].

I wish I had the chops for a piece of code that would read the location of the IP address accessing this page and insert the name of the city into the caption above. If this were a MUSH, I probably could have rigged that up so that everybody who reads this would get slightly pissed at me for shitting on their place of residence. Except it wouldn't work for all the hacker trolls that are faking their IP addresses and ping ponging their connection all over the world. Also, half the readers would probably nod their heads in agreement and think, "Fuck yeah! This place is the Goddamned pits!"

Vibe calls bullshit on Breacher's story, so Breacher hangs his head in shame and says, "You got me!" Then he tells Vibe the truth.

Which is just as reasonable as the lie, so I have no idea why he felt he needed to lie.

Breacher might just have been nervous that Vibe wouldn't believe him over the story Vibe's brother Rupture told Vibe. So he was trying to manipulate Vibe while sticking to Rupture's story. Why confuse the kid if he didn't have to? Also, it helped fill out the final pages to end nicely on the Mordreth is Breacher and he's become a living portal which could happen to Vibe if they don't act soon cliffhanger!

Vibe #8 Rating: +1 Ranking. I heard from one of my Angles (that's the atheist's version of Angels) that Vibe has been put on the chopping block. It's too bad because I'm enjoying this comic and I think it deserves a story or two following up on all of this previous stuff that has essentially been Vibe's Origin Story. I like the mix of family story and the young rookie being manipulated by a huge government organization. Because he's young, Vibe has a bit of a Peter Parker feel going on that hasn't quite been explored as much as I'd like. Which is why I was hoping this comic would last long enough to finish this first story so it could tell some humorous and off-beat coming of age as a super hero crap for a bit. I'm still looking for well-written and light-hearted, fun stuff from DC and this comic had some good potential. As did Swords of Sorcery, so it was nice to see a little Amethyst in these pages. Right now, All Star Western is my go to fun comic book at DC. I wish there were more like it.