Friday, September 2, 2016

The Flash #5

Barry, that is impossible.

The Things!
• Barry Allen decided to tell Doctor Meena Dhawan that he's The Flash because she made googly eyes at him. I guess they're a couple now even though they only kissed at the end of the last issue. That was probably so Joshua Williamson can have one of them make a joke about how fast their relationship is moving.

• Meena is calling herself Fast Track. Ugh. I "ugh" because it's typical of The Flash comic book to bury the reader in puns and her name is because she can "track" other speedsters. But "Fast Track" is also a thing people say that has nothing to do with her powers! Which is what makes it a pun. I think.

• Meena winds up training Wally because he doesn't want anybody knowing he has powers. But she was all, "I know you have powers! Use your powers! I'm going to keep bugging you until you use your powers!" Wally eventually gives in and uses his powers. Luckily he likes it but there may come a time when he thinks back to this moment and realizes the older person abused her power and trust and got him to do something he wasn't yet ready to do.

• Godspeed attacks STAR Labs and steals the Speed Force from a bunch of the trainees. That's a good thing because there are way too many speedsters in this story.

• Meena is one of the speedsters and she not only loses her powers but her whole body as well. The Flash comes to help but he's too late and only finds her costume.

• August Heart was with Flash the entire time so how can he also be Godspeed? I'm sure there's an explanation! It probably has to do with time travel!

The Review!
This might just be the Rebirth comic book I care the least about. Look at how little I had to say about it! If I really cared about it, I probably would have asked some serious scientific questions like "How quickly can Fast Track and The Flash fuck without anybody being injured?" or "If Meena took a lover who suffered from premature ejaculation, could she use the Speed Force to orgasm more quickly?" or "Why isn't this comic book more entertaining?"

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