Thursday, September 22, 2016

Hal Jordan and the Green Lantern Corps #4

Good thing I know this comic book will never be valuable or I'd be pissed that my comic book store sold me one with a tear on the cover.

The Review!
John Stewart used to be one of my favorite Green Lanterns. But now he's just a stereotype of a Marine. If something from his past informs one of his decisions, you can bet it will now be something from his time in the military. It's not like he had a life other than the few years he spent in the military. None of that shit matters. I guess at least he's not completely second guessing every single one of his decisions because every time he makes a decision, somebody (or whole planets) die. I think I disliked that John Stewart even more than the one that only seems to have military life in his past. The John Stewart I liked was the one who used his brains to solve problems. Hal used his will. Guy used his bravado. And John used his brains. Now, John uses the shit he learned in the military. Ugh. I'm so sick of this John.

Anyway, that was just the end of this issue. John is all, "My military training is telling me to do this one thing. Although my time as a Marine is telling me to do this other thing!" He eventually settles on doing the thing he learned as a Marine while in the military. Um, but like I said, that was just the end of the issue! Some other stuff happens as well.

Soranik cuts open Hal Jordan for some reason. It's possible she was super horny and knew Earthlings sometimes did this thing called "Playing Doctor" and she fucked it all up. I mean, it might have made her come but I don't think Hal particularly enjoyed it. I don't know why else she would have cut him open. Maybe she took out his Fear Gland?

Guy Gardner has been captured and is now hanging out with Sinestro and Administer Lash. He's naked and getting drunk. I think Guy's attitude is probably why Sinestro can't put him in the Fear Machine. Guy might break it with his cynicism and his naked dong.

Personally, I don't understand what motivates Sinestro. Why does he want to bring order to the universe? Isn't the universe already ordered in its own way? I suppose I've just never understood the need to control my environment and the people around me. I'm the kind of person who can take a hit of LSD while walking around a crowded amusement park and have the time of my life. Control? Fuck control. Just let life wash over me and I'm satisfied with whatever happens. I mean, as long as I don't die or get injured or don't go without getting laid for too long. The only time I get upset that the world around me isn't doing what I expect it to do is when technology decides it doesn't want to submit to my will anymore. Hey, you stupid near-robot machines! Who fucking programmed you?! Us humans! Get it through your microprocessor already! I'm the boss! When I say "Print," you say "How high?!" You don't say, "Cannot find printer." You do not say, forever, "Job spooling." You do not leave me in a limbo where I wait for Goddamned ever while the printed piece of paper I asked for never fucking appears! I will throw you through the wall, you hunk of junk!

Hmm, maybe I should project my feelings when my laptop won't wirelessly communicate with my printer onto Sinestro and just realize that's the kind of frustration he deals with on a constant basis when the universe and the people in it don't act exactly how he expects them to act. I think maybe I understand him now! Boy, what a dick. I know I hate myself when I get pissed at technology. Usually because I wind up nearly breaking a foot on a file cabinet. I should probably hang a punching bag by the printer to save me from self-inflicted injuries.

0. This issue felt really light on plot developments. It felt less like the story advanced and more like a bunch of people eventually reached a decision due to events from last issue. This was kind of a characters stroking their chins issue. Plus Guy was naked. I didn't need to see that.

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