Friday, September 2, 2016

Hal Jordan and the Green Lantern Corps #3

Kilowog seems disturbed by Hal's ass.

The Sinestro Corps has cracked down on the universe and established order. Look, it's a comic book. Sometimes you're just going to have to buy into whatever the story tells you so that you don't begin thinking about how vast the universe is and how it can be "ordered" by any sentient mind. What does that even mean?! I suppose it means what it usually means when a tyrannical despot takes control. Order is whatever the despot wants it to be. Look at North Korea! Apparently if you don't sit up straight, you get the firing squad! Don't think I actually believe that. How naive do you think I am? Obviously the Kim Jong who was shot said something horrible in the restroom about the Kim Jong who could order him shot. And the Kim Jong who wound up in a repatriation summer camp was probably listening to the executed Kim Jong's vile slander! But the despotic Kim Jong probably didn't want people to know he had cameras hidden in the bathroom (and by hidden, I mean in plain view but everybody is ordered to pretend they don't see them and act as if they're not there) so he came up with the whole "not sitting up straight" gag as a reason for the execution. One thing this Kim Jong-everybody issue has made me realize is that people who would apply to be henchmen for The Joker actually exist. I always figured when The Joker killed a few too many henchmen, the other henchmen would be all "This is nuts!" and get the hell out of there. Or turn on The Joker, at least. But apparently in real life, the Kim Jong Henchmen just see an open seat higher up in the hierarchy and gladly fill it. And by "gladly," I mean they have no choice. Hmm, maybe that's why they continue to remain Kim Jong's Henchmen. Besides, Kim Jong-un has probably set up some glorious scenic apartments for the families of his closest Kim Jongs. The apartments probably have every amenity like hot water and electricity and an outhouse fairly close to the building and nozzles for the death gas which can be pumped into the entire apartment as soon as a Kim Jong betrays Kim Jong-un. They sound cozy!

Anyway, Hal Jordan needs to defeat Sinestro to save the universe. Again. But first he needs to reunite with the Green Lantern Corps. That's probably going to take about three more issues after this because it's a good way for the first trade to end.

Sinestro has apparently become the kind of satanist every mother of the late 70's and early 80's feared their Dungeons and Dragons playing, Black Sabbath listening children were becoming.

This Administer Lash guy is definitely some kind of Space Satanist. And I don't mean the Anton Lavey kind of Satanist! I mean the kind I mentioned in that caption above! The Rosemary's Baby kind of Satanist that doesn't really exist except maybe in small groups of three or four delusional individuals who really never do anything but pretend they would do horrible things. Occasionally that kind of Satanist comes into contact with a truly horrible person and you get Richard Ramirez. But he wasn't a Satanist. He was just a psychotic monster who used people's fear of Satanism to fuel his murder boner.

Administer Lash asks Sinestro if he's a believer and Sinestro, being a matter of fact kind of guy, basically says, "No but it's a cool tool, bro. Let's dish."

Meanwhile, Hal Jordan, all by himself, is out dismantling the Sinestro Corps twelve by twelve, or so. At least until the Yellow Lanterns in other parts of the universe begin instilling great fear in every sector. At that point, the Yellow Lantern rings begin to get more powerful. I think it's a trick! If the Green Lantern rings rely on the willpower of the user, it doesn't really matter how powerful the ring is, right? It's all about the person wearing it. So the Yellow Lantern rings probably get more powerful based on the fear of the opponent and not just the overall fear extant in the universe (although I must be wrong because that's what is happening. But I'm still explaining my trick, you stupid parenthetical reference!). How can a Yellow Lantern evoke even more fear in their opponent? By having the ring say, "Power Level Increasing!" The the opponent is all, "Oh shit!" That's a fear-based statement! So the ring's power actually does increase simply by allowing the opponent to hear that it's increasing! What a cool trick! My explanation is better but apparently the real explanation is that thing I said in the parenthetical aside.

All of the aliens across the universe being attacked by Sinestro's Yellow Lanterns are all whining about how they trusted Sinestro to keep order and be the law. Fuck them! They deserve what they get! Which is kind of scary because it's exactly what most Americans are doing now. I forgot for a moment, due to all the sci-fi trappings, that this was an allegory! Americans vote out of fear and get what they deserve. Well, that's what has happened to the universe now. For some reason, they thought a peace keeping group based on using fear was a great idea to keep everybody safe. And now they're learning it was all a scam! Sinestro used their fears to gain power! Could this allegory of American politics be any more apt?

Hal Jordan learns that one lone Green Lantern can't beat Sinestro's entire army. He's beaten and captured and ready to be thrown into the Fear Machine. That means the Green Lantern Corps have three issues to save him!

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