Friday, September 16, 2016

Future Quest #2

I don't mind Bleep or whatever the fuck Space Ghost's monkey's name is joining up with the Herculoids but fuck Jonny Quest's dog.

The Commentary!
• After I read Issue #1, I decided I wasn't going to keep reading this series. But I like all of the other Hanna-Barbera comic books and I really love the Herculoids and Jeff Parker isn't a hack writer, so why not give it another try, I figured! Actually, I didn't even put that much thought into it. I was just at a comic book store that wasn't my usual comic book store still looking for a copy of Batman Beyond #13 (for anybody wondering why I haven't had a Batman Beyond review in months, it's because I can't find that issue!) and saw they had all the Future Quest books I skipped earlier. So I picked them up and added them to my to-read stack which only ever seems to grow. Stupid comic books. Whose idea was it that comic books should come out every week?

• Even though The Herculoids was one of my favorite cartoons as a kid, I can't fucking remember the names of any of them. They're all fucked up jungle names like Tarzan and Zartan! The only ones I remember are Gloop and Gleep and I'm not even sure if those are actually the names of the Pseudo-Shmoos!

• Currently, the Herculoids and Space Ghost and some of his Space Buddies are battling Omnikron. I think this is a flashback because Omnikron is defeated and winds up in pieces. His pieces end up on Earth and some villain working for F.E.A.R. organization are trying to collect them to become all-powerful. Only then will F.E.A.R. be able to defeat the Quests.

• Omnikron creates a vortex which transports its essence to Earth. Space Ghost and most of the Herculoids and a bunch of Space Buddies all fall into the rift and are transported to Earth too. Now they're going to find themselves in a boring ass Jonny Quest cartoon.

• I can't believe how much I keep slagging off Jonny Quest when I barely even used to watch it! I'm totally ignorant when it comes to Jonny Quest and yet I can't stop assuming it was awful!

• Jan, Jace, and Blip (I had to look up the monkey's damn name. Bleep was pretty fucking close, right?!) crash on Earth while Space Ghost remains in some purgatory with Omnikron. Jonny and Haji (I just looked up his name too. It's Hadji! Pretty fucking close, right?!) rescue Jan and Blip but Jace is nowhere to be seen! I guess he was thrown from the space ship because he was too macho to wear his space seat belt. I'm sure it'll be important to the story later that he wasn't with the group. Probably because they're about to be captured by F.E.A.R.

• What does F.E.A.R. stand for? Fucking Erudite Asshole Racists? False Equivalencies Are Retarded (they're an evil organization! They might use the terrible R-slur! Blame them if that's wrong!)? Failures Establishing A Regime? Fear Establishing Aryan Radicals?

Oh! Who needs Jace to save the day when you have Race! And that obviously smelly Bandit.

• Birdman also flies in to help although he's instantly caught himself. Maybe he should stick to practicing law.

• The F.E.A.R. agents retreat with Jan and Jace's ship. On their way out of the swamp, they trip over an invisible and unconscious Jace lying face down in the mud. See?! Too manly to wear his seat belt! I'll be surprised if F.E.A.R. didn't just find themselves a corpse.

• The Quest team regroup because another vortex is about to open in Brazil. They need to beat Doctor Zin and F.E.A.R. to the location even though they have no idea why they're doing it. They just know that if Zin is interested in these vortexes, they can't be good. Too bad they don't realize Zin has teamed up with Jezebel Jade! I mean, I think that's probably bad. I don't know who she is. Maybe one of Race Bannon's ex-girlfriends he dumped horribly who never got over him and has dedicated her life to pure evil and destroying Race?

The Review
This series might still be a bit too earnest for my tastes. But then, maybe I need to read some more earnest stories? Maybe I need to read stories about good people doing good for the sake of good while also never swearing or acting lewd around cute women. Maybe it will do my cold, dead heart good to see how caring, competent people try to make the world a better place? Although, I don't want to overdo it! I'd better stick the other Future Quest issues further down in the stack so I don't overdose on sentimentality.

Ranking: +1. (Note this is a +1 with a period! That's not quite as good as a +1 with an exclamation point!)

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