Harley Quinn #10

Hooray for Slut Club! Oops, my mistake. Let me start over. Hooray for Skat Club! Chiggity chiggity chiggity wah bop la wop a bop a la la bow wow! Bop a diddly diddly bam pow crash smash an' punch an' kick a woo woo! Oops! Unless this is Poop Club. Gross! Probably.

Time for a day of Marathon Comic Book Commenting! I still have a buttload (or shitload (don't you hove how "boat" and "ship" can turn into such fun words!)) of comic books to read before I get to the Futures End stack. And I really want to get to the Futures End stack, no matter how poorly written all of the comic books in that stack might be. But I'll never get through all the other books without learning a little something about brevity! I wish I was as wise as all the people who point out that brevity is next to Godliness. Instead, I take the long road with Satan. But no more! Back, vile three pronged Dick! Get thee away from my anal sphincter, thou charming, sexually fulfilling beast! Away with thee! Or thy! Or thine! Or zounds!

One of Harley's tenants moves out on page one! That means another super villain can move in, right? Maybe a really cute one like Plasmus or Monsieur Mallah! Now I'm wondering what Plasmus's dick looks like and what comes out of it. I think I'm going to vomit.

But that bit about the new roommate will have to wait until the end of the issue when somebody answers Tony Danzig's craigslist ad. The one for the room! Not the one for the Human Soft Serve Ice Cream Machine. The main story is the one where Harley Quinn has joined an underground Roller Derby Club where anything goes. Oh! SkatE! Club! My mistake!

This is Harley getting excited about Club Sanctioned Murder.

I'm also excited about Club Sanctioned Murder! I wonder if the local Commodore 64 Club will institute some free for all violence during the programming part of the club meeting.

Shouldn't some of the people at Skate Club recognize Harley Quinn for the murdering psychopath she is and, you know, question whether she should really be allowed to partake in Skate Club? I know there are no rules but I have to believe most of the people clubbing with skates aren't looking to be violently murdered in an overly cartoonish way. I don't know, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe it's an extrovert thing. They like to take risks and feel the hot, steamy breath of death as he jerks off all over their back, right? And grilling. They really like grilling, right?

Judging by the weapons in the middle of Skate Club's track, I was totes wrong about the not wanting to be violently murdered part, you guys. Oh, sorry. I'm still fighting off the last vestiges of my Tumbl Virus.

Holy Christ in a rest stop men's bathroom!

I figure Christ is more likely to hang out there than on a cracker. Why would Christ be hanging out on a cracker? Unless the cracker is currently Christ. But then it's not a cracker! It's Christ! Christ on a Christ!

The first match is between Connie Canal and Sky Scrapper. Connie Canal loses because he is skating down the hall when his balls hit the wall. That's called rupture. Oh yeah, Connie Canal has balls. I guess.

Testicles are the worst.

Harley Quinn skates in the second match and her friends advise her to go for the kill. So I guess this is a Murder Club. I suppose it's not so much that any of the members want to be violently murdered but that they want to do the violent murdering. I don't think the risk is worth it. Hell, I don't think the risk of shitting in a public toilet is worth it. Even with proper preparation, you can get that bidetesque splash back! It's like being sexually assaulted by a toilet.

What year did it become acceptable to say "fart" in a comic book? Has Comic Book Legends Revealed on Comic Book Resources ever answered that question?

Harley gets knocked loopy by her gigantic challenger which instigates a cut scene starring a Barglefartian Sitcom family. Lots of jokes about how husbands are like little boys and wives are fascist shrews are made and the laugh track finds them all hilarious, especially when the one asexual guy says, "Barfzongers!" Then their son, The Fist, punches the neighbor through space and off into Issue #11. Then the scene ends and it's back to Harley about to get violently murdered.

Harley does not get murdered but she does lose the match. So to win the match after losing, she blows her opponent in half with exploding toothpaste sensually rubbed into the upper pubic area, or, um, stomach, actually. So not as sensually as I wanted it to be. Apparently there are no rules during the match but once the match is over, there are a few rules about not killing people. Although there aren't really any repercussions for breaking those rules aside from disqualification. Everybody at Skate Club just takes it in stride that a woman was just blown into two parts and her entrails sprayed all over them like the front row of a show by that guy where he does that thing with the this and the that. You know what I'm talking about!

After all the murdering and body disposal, Harley and her Roller Derby buddies go skinny dipping in the ocean at night. Nothing creepier than being in the ocean at night! Also, nothing colder! But then, I grew up in the waters off Santa Cruz and holy fuck is the Pacific Ocean cold. I've never been in the Atlantic though. I've been over it in a plane! But I couldn't tell how warm it was from that height. I hear it's warm though. Or warmer, anyway. I think the Pacific is full of ice cubes.

The "gonna need a bigger boat" line is overused but this use of it was adorable. Although Harley does know that "boat" becomes "butt" really easily, right?

What's so great about swimming with bow legged women?

And then Power Girl crashes into the boardwalk. I thought she was on Earth-2 now! Maybe this is Earth-2 Harlequin I've been reading! She probably rebounded with The Joker after Alan Scott broke the gay news to her.

Harley Quinn #10 Rating: +1 Ranking. Fun and cute and violent and nice to look at. Plus there was butt biting and cheese farts. You don't get that combination often in comic books. Also, you don't get either one of those without the other one often in comic books.