What is this Black Diamond Probablity nonsense? Another crossover?! Is Team Seven crossing over with All Star Western somehow?
I'm so concerned that my attitude will shift in an instant that I used a werewolf metaphor when I had a perfectly decent Eclipso simile half-staring me right in the face! Bah! If only there were a way I could turn back time and erase what I'd written so that I could rewrite it as an Eclipso parody! Oh well! Live and learn!
At the end of last issue, Team Seven was being overrun by a bunch of Eclipsed inmates aboard Facility 9, a floating prison for super powered people. I suspect this comic will begin with a lot of shooting.
How do you identify a Hipster? By his need to call out everyone else as a Hipster. Therefore, Alex Fairchild is a hipster since I have absolutely no clue why he's calling them "zombie hipsters."
What I like so far about the team is they all have slightly different personalities. I'm hoping the gulf between their identities widens as they all get more time to act. But right now, I know Alex is the hipster! And Kurt is the douche bag! And Amanda is the calm and collected know it all. And Cole Cash is the gung-ho action oriented dick in the handkerchief. And Dinah Drake is the sexy one. And Bronson is the one that can do everything that everyone else can't do and also everything that everyone else can do as well. Are those personalities different enough? Did I miss anyone? Oh! Deathstroke is the guy who feels a "Your Momma" joke coming on!
The Sexy One and The Douche Bag.
Bronson knocks out a bunch of the Eclipsed by hitting them with other Eclipsed. Then he blasts his feet rockets in their faces as he blasts back to Team Seven. But he goes out of control and smashes through a wall behind them. Meanwhile, the rest of the team poses for the camera. Except for Grifter. He was too far in the foreground, the pompous jerk. Always playing the individual!
So much going on here! The implication that Alex Fairchild is bisexual. The Spider Jerusalem guy whose name I've forgotten. Amanda Waller with an eyeball coming out of her mouth. This comic book has everything!
When the team gets to the comm room, they find that they can't call out. But they conveniently find some footage of the experiment that caused all hell to break loose! The people running Facility 9 allowed a researcher from Arkham Asylum to experiment on their prisoners with a serum called Variant 9. It seems to be composed of Black Diamond since it turns the prisoner into an Eclipsed. And that's the basic plot! Now they can stop standing around in big groups and begin breaking up into smaller groups to find a way out and shoot a lot of shit!
Well, maybe there's a little more time to speculate on what caused the riot!
Team Seven is crossing over with All Star Western thanks to Amanda's amazing knowledge of everything ever!
Because Amanda has all the puzzle pieces, she realizes that the floating prison is headed toward Gamorra. I just barely remember Gamorra being some kind of terrorist super powered run island or something from the pages of Stormwatch and/or The Authority. So the Eclipsed are now a bunch of weapons being delivered to an island run by a bunch of super pricks and super assholes.
Yay for Higgins Jerusalem! Let's start shooting things in the face!
Seriously, Bronson? Here's one off the top of my head that would have at least fit the situation even though it's chock full of horrible green cheese goodness: "It's time to bring the wane!" Oh man. I can feel myself turning into a professional comic book writer as I type!
But the Eclipso event doesn't end there! This is a major crossover event here! The big twist is dropped on the final page! This is the big twist that most reviewers won't spoil because they have "no spoiler" policies. But they'll tell you detail after detail of the first nineteen pages only to leave out this last page and pretend they didn't spoil anything. Comic book reviewers are dicks.
Hey! Look at me! Shitting all over my own kind! Mmm mmm good!
Fucking Eclipso. DC has spent so much time trying to make this guy one of the toughest villains in the DC Universe but the fucker can't even go out in the sun. Loser.
Is the Black dude in head to toe robotic armor?.
ReplyDeleteThe whole book is laughable if you ask me.
Yes. Except he's not actually black. I think. I can't remember since he's in armor!
ReplyDeleteOne of the things I like about the book is that it's doing the 90s vibe but with tongue firmly in cheek. And that's working for me where a total joke comic about these guys or going totally serious and grim wouldn't.