Friday, December 30, 2011

Justice League #2

This kind of actually happens!

So JL #1 promises us Batman vs Superman! Awesome! Oh oh! And look at the cover! Look at them fighting! OH MAN! This is going to be awesome! Here it comes!

That's it? We missed the majority of the fight during a one page check-in on what Barry Allen is doing?! So after checking in on Bary having an ethical crisis at work where he wants to investigate murders but nobody is being allowed to investigate murders until they find out who The Flash is but Barry isn't going to let them find out who The Flash is so Barry isn't going to be able to investigate murders, we get back to Batman vs Superman. It's a huge two page splash with lots of tear gas

swirling about, a sonic disruptor lying impotently on the ground, Tasers stuck in Superman's chest and Batman back on his heels with a respirator clutched in his

teeth. Man! There's been a lot of action going on while we were away! Stupid month break and check-in on Wally! I mean Barry!

So back to the fight! After Batman gets a lot of information from Superman's non-weaknesses by trying lots of tricks on him and Superman gets a lot of information about Batman's gadgets by allowing him to try them all on him (seriously? Like Superman couldn't have put a stop to it as soon as Batman started?), Superman and Batman almost end the fight through *gasp* talking when Green Lantern starts it all up again.

So they say pictures are worth a thousand words but these Jim Lee and Geoff Johns guys end up using TWO FULL PAGES to tell the reader that Superman is more powerful than Green Lantern's ring. In a comic book with 24 pages that costs $4! That's .32! And 8 words! Except the two page image has no words at all! Maybe I can eke some more words out of the image since I hate to let an old cliche go to waste. Let's see: Green Lantern shields himself from the ring shrapnel but let's Batman take it full in the face. So a few more words might be Green Lantern is selfish and self-obsessed. Or maybe he just can't think too quickly which is right in line with Batman's critique of him in Issue #1. Also, Batman can seemingly dodge machine gun fire from three helicopters but he is pelted by this shrapnel. Is he smart enough to know that he won't be hurt by the ring's shrapnel so he doesn't try very hard to dodge it? Or is this an example of Superman's strength causing the shrapnel to fly faster than bullets? Anyway, I think 1000 words would have given more value to my $4.

So more punching and kicking and not talking ensues. Except there is talking because Green Lantern calls up the Flash and asks him to get over to Metropolis to help out. This enables everybody to see The Flash fight Superman now! And we learn some more stuff! The Flash claims to never have been hit ever ever never ever! Truly! But then Superman hits him. Luckily just flicks him with his finger or else The Flash probably would have been splattered all over Metropolis. I think by this point we've also learned that Superman has a bit of a rage problem.

I'd also like to know how The Flash speaking while running at super speed works. Does the fight end and then you hear everything he said? Is his voice all doppler effected? Can you even hear his words over the sound of his body punching through air? It's so easy just to make quote bubbles!

Of course after all of these peacock displays of power (cock being the operative syllable), Batman stops the whole thing with a simple please! I guess Superman really is just a great big boyscout.

I appreciate that The Flash cleans up after the fight. Rarely do heroes take any responsibility over the damage they cause during their giant brouhahas.

And then back to My Dad Doesn't Care starring Victor Stone! Vic shows up at S.T.A.R labs where his dad is checking out a Boom Cube. And of course they don't recognize the kind of metal it's made from. Is there some idea in the fiction world that since different metal alloys exist, from electrum which occurs naturally to manmade brass, bronze, and steel, that the future will have discovered some super duper futuristic alloys? And even if they did, the scientists should still be able to tell what elements compose the metal and then say what elements the Boom Cube is made of and say that instead of saying "We don't knonw anything about the metal it's made of!" If they don't know what metal it is made of, my guess is that it's highly radioactive and unstable! Just like the relationship between Vic Stone and his dad Dr., um, um, Stone!

So Victor says blah blah blah football blah pro blah it's all I ever care about.

And Dr. Stone says blah blah blah football is a joke blah blah I don't respect my son blah blah.

And then a billion trillion Parademons explode out of the Boom Cubes! Surprise! And Victor Stone is burnt perty near to death! Surprise! I wonder if he'll live?!

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