The Review!
DK III: Donkey Kong Country might not be my favorite book currently being published by DC but it has a lot going for it right out of the gate. It's a limited series story written by a writer I trust to tell a good story which means it will have a beginning, middle, and end. What that generally adds up to is a story that actually has a reason for existing. It will probably mean something more than just two super powered people punching each other in the face until the good one proves he or she has more heart than the bad one and the story concludes. I'm not sure why I read so many comic books when those are the kinds of stories I really like. All of this unending comic book shit where every story is just the middle of the story and the end never comes and the beginning constantly changes? Arg! It's enough to make one murder kittens. Which I don't want to do so maybe I shouldn't keep reading comic books! Anyway, this story gets ten thumbs up from five cool kids whom you probably want to be like, so you should put your thumbs up too. I mean, you should read this book. It also comes with a mini-Batgirl comic which you can pretend is free even if it's actually just included in the cover price.
The Commentary!
This issue begins with The Atom tumbling through a bunch of molecules as he grows smaller and smaller. I'm not sure this page was needed to remind everybody that The Atom didn't die because everybody knows when The Atom is stepped on, he survives by becoming super tiny. But it is needed to remind everybody that we're trapped in an existentialist nightmare with no hope of escape. I mean, there's one path to escaping and it isn't getting on a plane with Orr. It's more the Snowden kind of exit we're all eventually heading toward. Those were smart references to Catch-22 in case you haven't seen that movie. I mean read the book! You should read the book! You can also see the movie if you'd like. Why would I stop you? Especially since that part with Kid Samson is horrific on screen. But the book is a masterpiece so you probably shouldn't pass it up for the movie.
Okay, so now the tone of this book has been set and we're all feeling the crushing weight of Life all around us! We're gasping for breath realizing that it's all a waste of time. It's all repetitive motion injuries resulting in a vague kind of PTSD from which we're all suffering. We are all The Atom falling end over end into a dark abyss of unknowable nothingness. So the rest of the book has got to improve our moods, right?!
I'm not sure the next scene is any more uplifting. Superman and his daughter Lara are conflicted about how to protect the Earth. Superman refuses to think of himself as better than the humans, allowing them to make the mistakes they need to make as they continue to try to improve civilization. Lara approaches the idea literally, with help from her Jim Jonesesque new Kandorian father Quar, and believes Earth needs to be protected from Mankind. Lara's reasoning is the kind of reasoning you get from someone who is putting the argument behind the desire. "I want to rule the Earth therefore I'll make up a bunch of arguments for why I should be doing it." It's most people's default setting when they need to think logically or philosophically. Rarely does somebody ever think, "A cow deserves to live just as much as I do, being that we each have just this one chance at life, so what right do I have to gorge on its flesh?" More often, a person thinks, "I would never kill an animal! But holy fuck, taco meat is delicious. I'm glad other people are around to do the killing for me!"
Lara decides to try and convince Superman of her argument, by which I mean she punches him in the face multiple times. Superman refuses to hit his daughter back, so he's going to get pummeled until Bruce and Carrie decide to come to his rescue. Bruce and Carrie have no qualms about hitting a female Kryptonian. Hell, Bruce will probably punch her in the vagina with his kryptonite glove.
Carrie wants to help but Bruce is all, "I did that once already! Too much work!"
DK III: Donkey Kong Country might not be my favorite book currently being published by DC but it has a lot going for it right out of the gate. It's a limited series story written by a writer I trust to tell a good story which means it will have a beginning, middle, and end. What that generally adds up to is a story that actually has a reason for existing. It will probably mean something more than just two super powered people punching each other in the face until the good one proves he or she has more heart than the bad one and the story concludes. I'm not sure why I read so many comic books when those are the kinds of stories I really like. All of this unending comic book shit where every story is just the middle of the story and the end never comes and the beginning constantly changes? Arg! It's enough to make one murder kittens. Which I don't want to do so maybe I shouldn't keep reading comic books! Anyway, this story gets ten thumbs up from five cool kids whom you probably want to be like, so you should put your thumbs up too. I mean, you should read this book. It also comes with a mini-Batgirl comic which you can pretend is free even if it's actually just included in the cover price.
The Commentary!
This issue begins with The Atom tumbling through a bunch of molecules as he grows smaller and smaller. I'm not sure this page was needed to remind everybody that The Atom didn't die because everybody knows when The Atom is stepped on, he survives by becoming super tiny. But it is needed to remind everybody that we're trapped in an existentialist nightmare with no hope of escape. I mean, there's one path to escaping and it isn't getting on a plane with Orr. It's more the Snowden kind of exit we're all eventually heading toward. Those were smart references to Catch-22 in case you haven't seen that movie. I mean read the book! You should read the book! You can also see the movie if you'd like. Why would I stop you? Especially since that part with Kid Samson is horrific on screen. But the book is a masterpiece so you probably shouldn't pass it up for the movie.
Okay, so now the tone of this book has been set and we're all feeling the crushing weight of Life all around us! We're gasping for breath realizing that it's all a waste of time. It's all repetitive motion injuries resulting in a vague kind of PTSD from which we're all suffering. We are all The Atom falling end over end into a dark abyss of unknowable nothingness. So the rest of the book has got to improve our moods, right?!
I'm not sure the next scene is any more uplifting. Superman and his daughter Lara are conflicted about how to protect the Earth. Superman refuses to think of himself as better than the humans, allowing them to make the mistakes they need to make as they continue to try to improve civilization. Lara approaches the idea literally, with help from her Jim Jonesesque new Kandorian father Quar, and believes Earth needs to be protected from Mankind. Lara's reasoning is the kind of reasoning you get from someone who is putting the argument behind the desire. "I want to rule the Earth therefore I'll make up a bunch of arguments for why I should be doing it." It's most people's default setting when they need to think logically or philosophically. Rarely does somebody ever think, "A cow deserves to live just as much as I do, being that we each have just this one chance at life, so what right do I have to gorge on its flesh?" More often, a person thinks, "I would never kill an animal! But holy fuck, taco meat is delicious. I'm glad other people are around to do the killing for me!"
Lara decides to try and convince Superman of her argument, by which I mean she punches him in the face multiple times. Superman refuses to hit his daughter back, so he's going to get pummeled until Bruce and Carrie decide to come to his rescue. Bruce and Carrie have no qualms about hitting a female Kryptonian. Hell, Bruce will probably punch her in the vagina with his kryptonite glove.
Carrie wants to help but Bruce is all, "I did that once already! Too much work!"
I'm ashamed to say it took me turning the page to see Bruce simply meant "We're not going to stand; we're going to sit" and not "Pull up a chair and I'll tell you what we're going to do."
The Kandorians encase Superman in something called "Black Matter" and sink him beneath the ice of the Arctic Ocean (unless it's the Antarctic Ocean, seeing as how DC Comics never did seem to figure out which was which). Black Matter is a theoretical substance in the Dark Knight Universe that exists for plot reasons. Lots of things in science and magic only exist for plot reasons in stories. It just makes it easier to resolve some situations, like say you need Superman out of commission but you don't want to kill him. Sure, there are other ways but it's better to use a new method than to use something that already exists in the DC Youniverse or else some smart ass fangender is going to come along and be all, "Actually, we saw in Adventures of Superman #422 that blarg dee blarg blarg blargaboo. Meh."
After dunking Superman, Quar turns his attention to Gotham City and politely requests the city turn Batman over to him. He also reminds them that the polite asking will only last for thirty-six hours and then he's simply going to have to kill them all. I guess he doesn't want to kill them all outright because he and the other Kandorians are going to need people who can make Cinnabuns and Oreos and alcohol and jerky.
The world surrenders to the Kandorians and Wonder Woman decides to honor her husband's and the world's decision. After all, what does it matter to her, living in the jungle with her baby? But Batman? Batman's going to have to fight because his alias is right there on the cover of the book. I mean, the initials of his alias are right there on the cover of the book.
After dunking Superman, Quar turns his attention to Gotham City and politely requests the city turn Batman over to him. He also reminds them that the polite asking will only last for thirty-six hours and then he's simply going to have to kill them all. I guess he doesn't want to kill them all outright because he and the other Kandorians are going to need people who can make Cinnabuns and Oreos and alcohol and jerky.
The world surrenders to the Kandorians and Wonder Woman decides to honor her husband's and the world's decision. After all, what does it matter to her, living in the jungle with her baby? But Batman? Batman's going to have to fight because his alias is right there on the cover of the book. I mean, the initials of his alias are right there on the cover of the book.
Smiling Batman is best Batman.
Visually, Dark Knight Batman has always been the one I think of when I think of Batman. Not that I want my superheroes to be overly muscled, hulking oafs. But Batman has always been larger than life. To see him representative of his mythic stature is pleasing. Although it goes a little deeper than that as well. This Bruce Wayne, this big, thick, tall man, is how I've always viewed adult males. It's the image I have of my father and of my uncle and of several elementary school friends' fathers whom I viewed as having this kind of stature when I was young. Sure, none of them actually look like this. But they carried something grave, something bigger than what I could see which I seemed to know instinctively I would never have. I'm as old (or probably older!) than they all were when I viewed them this way and I doubt that any young person has ever looked at me and thought, "Now that's an adult male!" It's probably one of two major things (as well as a million minor!): the post-draft times I grew up in weren't intense enough to forge me into a man, or I've always just been too goofy to have any authority. Maybe it's both.
The Flash decides to make an appearance but only long enough to have one leg broken by a Kandorian and left to bleed out on the streets of Gotham. Luckily he collapses by a manhole with somebody poking their head out to see what's what. It looks like Bane but who the fuck can tell since this universe is so different. Even Flash looked like a drunk bastard just come from lifting kettle weights at the gym. The story almost ends with Batman telling Commissioner Yindel to stop getting drunk and help save the city. It actually ends with The Atom having a brief moment of euphoric revelation that sometimes occurs in the dark during just one of the nights in a seemingly endless succession of endless nights which make up the totality of our actually brief existentialist nightmare. It's a moment of hope that all is not lost. Something can be salvaged. Meaning can be found. A moment which eventually just makes the rest of the despair all the more worse.
The Flash decides to make an appearance but only long enough to have one leg broken by a Kandorian and left to bleed out on the streets of Gotham. Luckily he collapses by a manhole with somebody poking their head out to see what's what. It looks like Bane but who the fuck can tell since this universe is so different. Even Flash looked like a drunk bastard just come from lifting kettle weights at the gym. The story almost ends with Batman telling Commissioner Yindel to stop getting drunk and help save the city. It actually ends with The Atom having a brief moment of euphoric revelation that sometimes occurs in the dark during just one of the nights in a seemingly endless succession of endless nights which make up the totality of our actually brief existentialist nightmare. It's a moment of hope that all is not lost. Something can be salvaged. Meaning can be found. A moment which eventually just makes the rest of the despair all the more worse.
