In the world of Planetary, Vertigo stories take place side by side with kiddie hero crap.
Planetary #7 (January 2000)
By Warren Ellis, John Cassaday, David Baron, and Ryan Cline
Cover by Dave McKean . . . I mean John Cassaday!
Edited by John Layman
The copy on the cover comes from Recollections of A. N. Welby Pugin and his Father, Augustus Pugin. The full quote follows:
Augustus Pugin was the father of the father of London's Gothic Revival Architecture scene¹. Augustus Welby Northmore Pugin was the son who co-designed the Houses of Parliament after they burned down on November 5th, 1834. No, wait, sorry: it was on October 16th of that year. Surely it was November 5th, no? If not, why am I remembering, remembering that date?! Also he gave over his designs for Big Ben to Barry, co-designer of the Houses of Parliament, just before he went completely mad. I suppose the quote was used here because of its content which sounds like maybe somebody into the occult but also because the guy it was quoting went insane. So maybe we're supposed to view this version of John Constantine as more on the mad side than the clever side?
It's also possible that John Cassaday just grabbed up the first bit of olde timey font he could find to shove on the cover and he didn't really care what it meant in context of the story, as long as the words that could be read sounded vaguely of the occult.²
By Warren Ellis, John Cassaday, David Baron, and Ryan Cline
Cover by Dave McKean . . . I mean John Cassaday!
Edited by John Layman
The copy on the cover comes from Recollections of A. N. Welby Pugin and his Father, Augustus Pugin. The full quote follows:
An unwavering faith, a most singular piety towards bygone ages, a veneration the most profound for all that appertained to the beauty of the courts of the Lord, an imagination glowing with the glories of the past, all combined in impelling the subject of this memoir to surrender his heart and soul to the desire for the restoration of the forgotten faith and for the revival in the land of its ancient magnificence in art and architecture.
Augustus Pugin was the father of the father of London's Gothic Revival Architecture scene¹. Augustus Welby Northmore Pugin was the son who co-designed the Houses of Parliament after they burned down on November 5th, 1834. No, wait, sorry: it was on October 16th of that year. Surely it was November 5th, no? If not, why am I remembering, remembering that date?! Also he gave over his designs for Big Ben to Barry, co-designer of the Houses of Parliament, just before he went completely mad. I suppose the quote was used here because of its content which sounds like maybe somebody into the occult but also because the guy it was quoting went insane. So maybe we're supposed to view this version of John Constantine as more on the mad side than the clever side?
It's also possible that John Cassaday just grabbed up the first bit of olde timey font he could find to shove on the cover and he didn't really care what it meant in context of the story, as long as the words that could be read sounded vaguely of the occult.²
Jack Carter = John Constantine. With maybe a bit of a play on John Carter of Mars?
Hell of a way to begin a John Constantine story although I've got to assume that multiple Constantine stories have begun with the assumption that he's dead. It's probably a bit of a trope with that arsehole³. Anyway, they'll be going to his funeral and reminiscing about him and eventually finding out he's still alive, probably.
This issue is called "To Be In England, In The Summterime" which is a lyric from The Art of Noise's 1984 song, "Close (To the Edit)". That's the one where the video has a mini-punk/new age kid sentencing various musical instruments to death on some railroad tracks after which three grown men curb stomp a violin, grind up a saxophone, and dissect a standing bass. The title might also be from a poem by some old shite British loser like Robert Browning as well but I stopped my research at the discovery of the lyric. You'd think I would have remembered that line being in that song since all of the other lines are "dum dum dum dum" and "HEY!" and also I remembered the video vividly after watching it on YouTube but hadn't thought of it for probably 40 years. That's a shame. One of my regrets when I die will be not having watched this video regularly throughout my life.
Man. Those were the days! When men wore make-up and music videos were fucking cooler than shit.
The title could also be a reference to Van Morrison's "Summertime in England" since that mentions poets doing drugs and writing stream of consciousness shit. That's fitting but the title of this comic isn't "Summertime in England" so I'm skeptical.
This issue is called "To Be In England, In The Summterime" which is a lyric from The Art of Noise's 1984 song, "Close (To the Edit)". That's the one where the video has a mini-punk/new age kid sentencing various musical instruments to death on some railroad tracks after which three grown men curb stomp a violin, grind up a saxophone, and dissect a standing bass. The title might also be from a poem by some old shite British loser like Robert Browning as well but I stopped my research at the discovery of the lyric. You'd think I would have remembered that line being in that song since all of the other lines are "dum dum dum dum" and "HEY!" and also I remembered the video vividly after watching it on YouTube but hadn't thought of it for probably 40 years. That's a shame. One of my regrets when I die will be not having watched this video regularly throughout my life.
Man. Those were the days! When men wore make-up and music videos were fucking cooler than shit.
The title could also be a reference to Van Morrison's "Summertime in England" since that mentions poets doing drugs and writing stream of consciousness shit. That's fitting but the title of this comic isn't "Summertime in England" so I'm skeptical.
All I'm hearing is "Jack Carter knew how to lay down some dick."
While they're reminiscing about Jack and London in the '80s, The Drummer mentions that Jenny Sparks ran a team of heroes there in the '60s and '80s. I was going to write, "Wouldn't that be a cool team-up? Planetary and The Authority?" when I remembered I own that team-up. So we'll get to it later!
While they're walking through the graveyard, it being a metaphor for nostalgia, remembrance, and the past, they see Miracleman⁴ fly past the moon while Dream and Death sit on a bench feeding pigeons. And then they come upon this group of disturbing and familiar mourners.
While they're walking through the graveyard, it being a metaphor for nostalgia, remembrance, and the past, they see Miracleman⁴ fly past the moon while Dream and Death sit on a bench feeding pigeons. And then they come upon this group of disturbing and familiar mourners.
Let's see . . . represented here we've got Alan Moore, Peter Milligan, Grant Morrison, and Neil Gaiman. Probably others. Oh! Jamie Delano! Duh!
That was almost embarrassing! The entire thing is about the guy whose comic Delano wrote for like four years and my brain farted out his name as a mere afterthought! If I had one wish, I'd wish that my brain could take the form of a person for ten minutes so I could kick its fucking ass. I hate it so much. Although if I use my brain and think about it for like one second, I guess I hate my body more. Stupid monkey paw's wish! I'm realizing that, in the end, I'd let my brain kick my body's ass. At least my penis would enjoy either outcome.
Jakita explains how Jack Carter schooled them on why British thought in the '80s was so far outside the realm of American identity. We were watching Benson while they were watching Spitting Image. Americans were all, "Ho ho! People in government are doddering idiots but it's okay because the lower classes are much smarter and in control!" But the British were all, "Holy shit we're being governed by an insane woman and nothing we do matters! Somebody needs to fucking bomb the shit out of that hag while she's in the bath!" The British Invasion came over with ideas that seemed like far-fetched science fiction but they were really warnings about how countries can also get dementia as they get older and people need to stand guard against it. But Americans were just, "What?! Swamp Thing is a plant that thinks it's a man! That's nucking futs!"⁶
Jakite tells Snow a Jack Carter story which Warren Ellis probably pitched for Hellblazer but got rejected because it's about a ghost looking to abort the second coming of Jesus. Britains, being more cynical in general, don't mind a good crack about aborting Jesus but the only thing American masses would hate more is a story about the president taking everybody's guns away. I always thought that the hypothetical question that people love to ask, "Would you go back in time and kill Baby Hitler?", should always be followed up by a second question if the person answers, "Yes!", and that would be, "But would you go back in time and abort Baby Hitler?" Doesn't seem like a big change to me but I'm pretty sure a lot of Americans would be all, "Fuck yeah I'd kill a baby but I wouldn't want to sin by being responsible for an abortion!" Most Americans are really bad at theology, morals, philosophy, and ethics.
Jakita explains how Jack Carter schooled them on why British thought in the '80s was so far outside the realm of American identity. We were watching Benson while they were watching Spitting Image. Americans were all, "Ho ho! People in government are doddering idiots but it's okay because the lower classes are much smarter and in control!" But the British were all, "Holy shit we're being governed by an insane woman and nothing we do matters! Somebody needs to fucking bomb the shit out of that hag while she's in the bath!" The British Invasion came over with ideas that seemed like far-fetched science fiction but they were really warnings about how countries can also get dementia as they get older and people need to stand guard against it. But Americans were just, "What?! Swamp Thing is a plant that thinks it's a man! That's nucking futs!"⁶
Jakite tells Snow a Jack Carter story which Warren Ellis probably pitched for Hellblazer but got rejected because it's about a ghost looking to abort the second coming of Jesus. Britains, being more cynical in general, don't mind a good crack about aborting Jesus but the only thing American masses would hate more is a story about the president taking everybody's guns away. I always thought that the hypothetical question that people love to ask, "Would you go back in time and kill Baby Hitler?", should always be followed up by a second question if the person answers, "Yes!", and that would be, "But would you go back in time and abort Baby Hitler?" Doesn't seem like a big change to me but I'm pretty sure a lot of Americans would be all, "Fuck yeah I'd kill a baby but I wouldn't want to sin by being responsible for an abortion!" Most Americans are really bad at theology, morals, philosophy, and ethics.
Pretty sure I know what Warren Ellis's script had in place of "toerag" before John Layman was all, "Dude. I get he's British. But maybe lay off the 'cunts' for our American comic book?"
Jakita wants to see where Jack died, presumably beaten to death by some nobody⁷ who thought he was an arsehole⁸. Once at the site, Drummer notices that a bunch of magic was done here and begins investigating with his "talking to technology" powers. Magic is partly technology but it's the part where you cheat at reality and damn all of your friends to Hell.
Planetary discover that Jack Carter faked his own death. As they discover this, the guy who supposedly killed him returns to rant and rave and monologue why he did it.
Planetary discover that Jack Carter faked his own death. As they discover this, the guy who supposedly killed him returns to rant and rave and monologue why he did it.
Nobody asked to see the British Invasion from the hero's point of view, dude!
Fucking great moment, really. Shade the Changing Man. Animal Man. Swamp Thing. Some various characters like Doctor Destiny and the Silver Scarab in The Sandman. Even more I can't remember, in loads of mini and maxi series like Kid Eternity and such. Anyway, after this revelation of internalized rage, this guy gets his guts blown out from behind by Jack Carter and a shotgun. Jack Carter's head is shaved now, probably needed for the fake death ritual and certainly needed for his coming transformation from past legend to future icon.
So should I think of this as canon when I re-read Transmetropolitan? That it's a sequel to Hellblazer?!
I guess on a less literal level, Spider Jerusalem is just an examination of the end of the 20th Century slash beginnings of the 21st Century in the same way that John Constantine was commentary on the degradations and oppressive government of the British '80s. Although this story takes place in the year 2000 so what did Jack Carter do? Time travel spell?!
The Ranking!
Fucking chuffed, I am! I think. Am I using that correctly? Probably not. The only thing I know about British culture is that "Raspberry" is Cockney rhyming slang for "fart" because of "raspberry tart." No wait! I also know that "Berk" is Cockney rhyming slang for cunt because of "Berkeley Hunt"! Also I just realized today that the current season of Have I Got News For You? is already halfway through and my YouTube algorithm wasn't fucking telling me about it even though I follow at least two Brits who constantly upload it! Now I have to watch Ian and Paul and their guests discuss news that's three to four weeks old already! ARGH! I hate my life! Nobody has it worse than I do!
__________________________________________________________________________________
¹ Was that a scene? Was it a revival? Not only do I not know how to write, I also do not know how to research. Do research? Read histories? Historiocize?
² It's also possible (quite probable, really) that Warren Ellis was reading Recollections of A. N. Welby Pugin and his Father, Augustus Pugin at the time because Ellis reads loads of boring things and marked this passage as interesting and faxed it to Cassaday to use in his riff on a Dave McKean cover.
³ Affectionately!
⁴ An assumption on my part as the caped person is mostly in silhouette but I think it's a good call given the theme⁵ of the issue.
⁵ What is that theme? The British Invasion of the mid to late '80s and, I guess with Jack Carter's death, it's dwindling in importance?
⁶ It was the '80s! Saying things like "Nucking futs!" was the height of hilarity, right after you've finished reading your 101 Uses for a Dead Cat book and then told a few dead baby and AIDS jokes!
⁷ Which is how all the greats guarded by their massive reputations usually go: Wild Bill Hickock, Omar, um, others, presumably.
⁸ Not affectionately!
The Ranking!
Fucking chuffed, I am! I think. Am I using that correctly? Probably not. The only thing I know about British culture is that "Raspberry" is Cockney rhyming slang for "fart" because of "raspberry tart." No wait! I also know that "Berk" is Cockney rhyming slang for cunt because of "Berkeley Hunt"! Also I just realized today that the current season of Have I Got News For You? is already halfway through and my YouTube algorithm wasn't fucking telling me about it even though I follow at least two Brits who constantly upload it! Now I have to watch Ian and Paul and their guests discuss news that's three to four weeks old already! ARGH! I hate my life! Nobody has it worse than I do!
__________________________________________________________________________________
¹ Was that a scene? Was it a revival? Not only do I not know how to write, I also do not know how to research. Do research? Read histories? Historiocize?
² It's also possible (quite probable, really) that Warren Ellis was reading Recollections of A. N. Welby Pugin and his Father, Augustus Pugin at the time because Ellis reads loads of boring things and marked this passage as interesting and faxed it to Cassaday to use in his riff on a Dave McKean cover.
³ Affectionately!
⁴ An assumption on my part as the caped person is mostly in silhouette but I think it's a good call given the theme⁵ of the issue.
⁵ What is that theme? The British Invasion of the mid to late '80s and, I guess with Jack Carter's death, it's dwindling in importance?
⁶ It was the '80s! Saying things like "Nucking futs!" was the height of hilarity, right after you've finished reading your 101 Uses for a Dead Cat book and then told a few dead baby and AIDS jokes!
⁷ Which is how all the greats guarded by their massive reputations usually go: Wild Bill Hickock, Omar, um, others, presumably.
⁸ Not affectionately!
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