Planetary #5 (September 1999)
By Warren Ellis, John Cassaday, Allison Fuchs, and Laura Depuy Martin
Cover by John Cassaday
Edited by John Layman
• I'm currently re-reading Cujo for the first time in nearly forty years. I wrote a Review of it several years ago based on my memories of the book. Now that I'm re-reading it, I didn't go as hard on how bad it makes you feel as I should have. I only remembered how it ended with the narrator explaining how the dog loved his man and his woman and most of all his boy and he never wanted to hurt them and he would have done anything they told him but he couldn't because of a neurological disorder called rabies. Or something. But holy fucking shit, I'm not sure I can make it through a re-read at this point in my life! I must have been a really unfeeling prick at fourteen or whenever I read it. Because now, every time King lets the reader into Cujo's head, it's fucking heartbreaking! The poor doggy! Somebody help the poor doggy! Why did you do this to the poor widdle two hundred pound puppy, King?! YOU FUCKING MONSTER!
• Man, at least the book isn't about a cat. I couldn't handle it if it were about a cat. Oh shit I hope Danielewski doesn't give the cat in The Familiar rabies or I might have to write him a thoroughly displeased tear-stained email.
• Last issue ended with Elijah Snow wandering off to find Doctor Axel Brass and his twisty baby legs. This issue begins with him finding him.
By Warren Ellis, John Cassaday, Allison Fuchs, and Laura Depuy Martin
Cover by John Cassaday
Edited by John Layman
• I'm currently re-reading Cujo for the first time in nearly forty years. I wrote a Review of it several years ago based on my memories of the book. Now that I'm re-reading it, I didn't go as hard on how bad it makes you feel as I should have. I only remembered how it ended with the narrator explaining how the dog loved his man and his woman and most of all his boy and he never wanted to hurt them and he would have done anything they told him but he couldn't because of a neurological disorder called rabies. Or something. But holy fucking shit, I'm not sure I can make it through a re-read at this point in my life! I must have been a really unfeeling prick at fourteen or whenever I read it. Because now, every time King lets the reader into Cujo's head, it's fucking heartbreaking! The poor doggy! Somebody help the poor doggy! Why did you do this to the poor widdle two hundred pound puppy, King?! YOU FUCKING MONSTER!
• Man, at least the book isn't about a cat. I couldn't handle it if it were about a cat. Oh shit I hope Danielewski doesn't give the cat in The Familiar rabies or I might have to write him a thoroughly displeased tear-stained email.
• Last issue ended with Elijah Snow wandering off to find Doctor Axel Brass and his twisty baby legs. This issue begins with him finding him.
Ew. Gross.
• You might think I'm being ableist but I'm very sensitive to body horror. You should hear my terrified exclamations when I see my own penis.
• No, really. You should. As the song says, "Call me Maybe."
• Snow and Brass discuss Sparks for a bit. Ellis really likes these names that describe a character thematically. Snow is cold-hearted and aloof. Sparks is a peppy, brazen, and optimistic woman. Brass is hard, solid, and has balls.
• At least he had balls. By the look of his legs, I wouldn't expect they weren't smashed into testes jelly.
• Doc Brass spent fifty-four years trapped underground with nobody to talk to. It shows and Snow's worried about it. So he tries to distract him with video tapes.
• No, really. You should. As the song says, "Call me Maybe."
• Snow and Brass discuss Sparks for a bit. Ellis really likes these names that describe a character thematically. Snow is cold-hearted and aloof. Sparks is a peppy, brazen, and optimistic woman. Brass is hard, solid, and has balls.
• At least he had balls. By the look of his legs, I wouldn't expect they weren't smashed into testes jelly.
• Doc Brass spent fifty-four years trapped underground with nobody to talk to. It shows and Snow's worried about it. So he tries to distract him with video tapes.
I'm less surprised that Snow met Welles than that Snow had a girlfriend. Unless she was from Mars. Or a sentient penguin. Then I'd be all, "Oh, yeah, duh. Of course."
• Along with Jenny Sparks, Snow and Brass discuss a guy named John Cumberland. I'll assume he's from a different Wildstorm book with which I'm unfamiliar. He's dead, anyway. And he was from a parallel Earth! Looks like a Wildstorm Superman stand-in.
• One-third of this issue reads like a pulp fiction book with pictures. In these, we're introduced to Anna Hark, the daughter of China's mad genius. She would take his wealth and hide away in America inside her Hark Corporation. Are they up to no good? Did she take her father's original role of villain unto herself? We shall see!
• Snow feels like Planetary has a hidden agenda for the work they're doing and not just gathering information for the sake of it. Seems like a logical conclusion when you're dealing with a corporation that has enough money to buy whatever it needs several times over.
• Doc Brass explains that his groups secret agenda was simply to save the world from itself. But since his group died in 1945 and it's now 1999, he's realizing the arrogance of their belief. Selfish people will make the world a terrible place. But compassionate people will always stand up to the selfish. If not for Doc Brass and his Seven Soldiers, it would have been somebody else. Currently, it's The Authority. Possibly, it could be Planetary.
• One-third of this issue reads like a pulp fiction book with pictures. In these, we're introduced to Anna Hark, the daughter of China's mad genius. She would take his wealth and hide away in America inside her Hark Corporation. Are they up to no good? Did she take her father's original role of villain unto herself? We shall see!
• Snow feels like Planetary has a hidden agenda for the work they're doing and not just gathering information for the sake of it. Seems like a logical conclusion when you're dealing with a corporation that has enough money to buy whatever it needs several times over.
• Doc Brass explains that his groups secret agenda was simply to save the world from itself. But since his group died in 1945 and it's now 1999, he's realizing the arrogance of their belief. Selfish people will make the world a terrible place. But compassionate people will always stand up to the selfish. If not for Doc Brass and his Seven Soldiers, it would have been somebody else. Currently, it's The Authority. Possibly, it could be Planetary.
Most of my favorite panels are when characters are relaxed and engaging in quiet speculation.
It's probably why I despise so much of the world today. Too many people don't know how to engage with a quiet moment of introspection.
They just can't put down the Constant Stimulation Device.
• Brass mentions that he wishes Snow had been around to join them. Snow's response is enigmatic and probably worth paying attention to. I'm sure he was, um, just sucking and fucking all over the place and not helping to build a massive paranormal knowledge gathering organization at all!
I have never said this in my entire life.
The Ranking!
Here's an old poem I wrote which concerns that last panel:
"I'd love to stay and chat some more, but I've a little business to take care of"
is a thing I've never said myself,
for I have no business to speak of,
and I have no love for chat.
If you were there, and I was too
(enervated by social obligation),
I would merely stand and say,
"I must be going, my cat's at home, and I think I need a nap."
Anyway, great comic, blah blah, you should read it and shit!
Here's an old poem I wrote which concerns that last panel:
"I'd love to stay and chat some more, but I've a little business to take care of"
is a thing I've never said myself,
for I have no business to speak of,
and I have no love for chat.
If you were there, and I was too
(enervated by social obligation),
I would merely stand and say,
"I must be going, my cat's at home, and I think I need a nap."
Anyway, great comic, blah blah, you should read it and shit!
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