"Hot for Teacher" is a perfect song with a perfect video.
"I'm not saying 'Hot for Teacher' is the best song" is something I feel I have to type now because the Internet is full of people who think the way they interpret something they've read is what was intended by the author. I'm just saying that for a song that does what it's supposed to do, it's a perfect song. You can't listen to it and not think, "Yeah, I want to fuck that teacher too!" And the video?! How did they cast all of those perfect little mini-versions of Van Halen?! Pretty sure there was some kind of cloning shenanigans going on.
I don't know that the teacher in this issue is going to be hot but she does have very nice calves. And Wally is paying attention so she must have nice breasts too. They're probably all in class to learn French so I hope this issue is as entertaining as Me Talk Pretty One Day.
Taking a closer look at the cover (because those calves really are nice), I notice that Cluemaster is in the back of the class alongside Animal Man. Cluemaster! The mastermind of Batman Eternal! In this issue, we'll get to see what made him the perfect villain for a 52 issue run of a weekly Batman series: his complete and total incompetence which some hotshot writers decided they could turn into a big surprise twist villain who suddenly knows how to be scary and competent. But in reality, the revelation was a huge letdown. "Cluemaster?!" spit-taked everybody reading the issue with the reveal before spiraling into an existential crisis where they cursed every decision they'd ever made in their lives so that it all ended up at the point some writer tried to foist this nonsense on them. Or was that just me? Anyway, let's move on to just one of the many, many bad decisions I've made over my life: re-reading Justice League Europe!
I don't know that the teacher in this issue is going to be hot but she does have very nice calves. And Wally is paying attention so she must have nice breasts too. They're probably all in class to learn French so I hope this issue is as entertaining as Me Talk Pretty One Day.
Taking a closer look at the cover (because those calves really are nice), I notice that Cluemaster is in the back of the class alongside Animal Man. Cluemaster! The mastermind of Batman Eternal! In this issue, we'll get to see what made him the perfect villain for a 52 issue run of a weekly Batman series: his complete and total incompetence which some hotshot writers decided they could turn into a big surprise twist villain who suddenly knows how to be scary and competent. But in reality, the revelation was a huge letdown. "Cluemaster?!" spit-taked everybody reading the issue with the reveal before spiraling into an existential crisis where they cursed every decision they'd ever made in their lives so that it all ended up at the point some writer tried to foist this nonsense on them. Or was that just me? Anyway, let's move on to just one of the many, many bad decisions I've made over my life: re-reading Justice League Europe!
With Ralph looking at that ass all day and Sue checking out a nearly naked Captain Atom, the Dibnys must be having the best sex of their marriage.
If you've looked at more of the front cover than the teacher's sexy calves, you may have noticed, like I did with Cluemaster, some other characters not in Justice League Europe who are attending this French class: Major Disaster, Big Sir, and, you remember, Cluemaster! You can also see a tiny sliver of Multi-man or, more likely, one of his clones. If you could make duplicates of yourself, would you ever be the one to go to work or attend classes? Of course not! Unless you're a huge nerdy square like Richie Cunningham.
Was the name "Cunningham" a commentary on the family in Happy Days? "They're like every other suburban swine but a little bit smarter!" Or maybe it was just nonsense like "Fonzerelli" or "Malph." I've never heard of the surname "Malph" before so looking it up, I discover this: "The Malph family name was found in the UK in 1891. In 1891 there was 1 Malph family living in Kent. This was 100% of all the recorded Malph's in United Kingdom." That's the first hit on Google and I didn't even click the link to read more about it so I wouldn't dedicate my life to the information. But one family? 100% of the Malphs in the UK? And Ralph Malph's parents were named Mickey and Minnie? Definitely getting a Coneheads vibe from these guys. I don't think Mork was the first alien to visit the Cunninghams.
The Injustice League need to learn French because they can't do crime correctly without that particular knowledge.
Was the name "Cunningham" a commentary on the family in Happy Days? "They're like every other suburban swine but a little bit smarter!" Or maybe it was just nonsense like "Fonzerelli" or "Malph." I've never heard of the surname "Malph" before so looking it up, I discover this: "The Malph family name was found in the UK in 1891. In 1891 there was 1 Malph family living in Kent. This was 100% of all the recorded Malph's in United Kingdom." That's the first hit on Google and I didn't even click the link to read more about it so I wouldn't dedicate my life to the information. But one family? 100% of the Malphs in the UK? And Ralph Malph's parents were named Mickey and Minnie? Definitely getting a Coneheads vibe from these guys. I don't think Mork was the first alien to visit the Cunninghams.
The Injustice League need to learn French because they can't do crime correctly without that particular knowledge.
In the next panel, Major Disaster mentions how their lawyer kept them out of jail. Is there a law in France against asking somebody to dance with their ostrich's uncle?!
If Multi-Man couldn't even tell the clerk, "This is a stick-up," why would anybody even suspect they were robbing the bank? If they had weapons already trained on the tellers, it would have been obvious and it probably wouldn't have mattered what he said. Maybe they did and Multi-Man actually kept the Injustice League from prison by spouting nonsense.
Lawyer: "Look, if my clients were actually trying to rob the bank, why would they ask the clerk to dance with their uncle's ostrich?! It was art! Like that picture of the pipe!"
Judge: "That's not a pipe. It clearly states on the painting that it is not a pipe."
Lawyer: "That's what I'm saying! This was not a bank robbery!"
Oh, never mind. Their lawyer kept them out of prison in America after which they came to France because "less superheroes." The botched robbery probably just ended with a quizzical look from the teller and all the Multi-Men slouching back out the way they came in.
Lawyer: "Look, if my clients were actually trying to rob the bank, why would they ask the clerk to dance with their uncle's ostrich?! It was art! Like that picture of the pipe!"
Judge: "That's not a pipe. It clearly states on the painting that it is not a pipe."
Lawyer: "That's what I'm saying! This was not a bank robbery!"
Oh, never mind. Their lawyer kept them out of prison in America after which they came to France because "less superheroes." The botched robbery probably just ended with a quizzical look from the teller and all the Multi-Men slouching back out the way they came in.
This is the class and I don't recognize everybody!
Is that Java in the back of the room? Why is he still with the League and why would he need to learn French? Shouldn't he learn English first?! And who's the big-titted brunette behind Captain Atom?! Have I already forgotten all the heroes on the JLE roster?!
There's also an old lady in the class so maybe those two I don't recognize (Java and Big Jobs) aren just a few random students. The Injustice League walk in late because they're evil.
Back at headquarters, Sue and Ralph discover a French super hero named Red Fox fighting crime in Paris. Catherine and her nipple decide to check her out in an attempt to recruit her. No I will not scan the panel with Cathernine's nipple, you fucking pervert. Just in case I added the nipple myself when I first read this comic and somebody finds a non-touched-up version of the panel to call me out on it. Not that I had a history of drawing nipples on women and dicks on The Hulk. I'm just being cautious and protecting my brand (the brand being a cool guy who didn't draw cartoon nipples on cartoon women).
There's also an old lady in the class so maybe those two I don't recognize (Java and Big Jobs) aren just a few random students. The Injustice League walk in late because they're evil.
Back at headquarters, Sue and Ralph discover a French super hero named Red Fox fighting crime in Paris. Catherine and her nipple decide to check her out in an attempt to recruit her. No I will not scan the panel with Cathernine's nipple, you fucking pervert. Just in case I added the nipple myself when I first read this comic and somebody finds a non-touched-up version of the panel to call me out on it. Not that I had a history of drawing nipples on women and dicks on The Hulk. I'm just being cautious and protecting my brand (the brand being a cool guy who didn't draw cartoon nipples on cartoon women).
Oh what the hell. Enjoy!
Do you think Ralph Dibny ever stretches his nipples and makes them twitch? Oof. I just pictured it. I'm going to go be sick now.
Recently on Twitter, Elon Musk, the dumb-dumb, reported that comedy was now legal on Twitter. My first thought was, "Comedy has been legal all this time! I never stopped being funny!" But then my self-confidence, which has a terrible brand problem itself, got a hold of the thought and changed it to: "I guess I haven't been funny all these years!" You know what somebody is saying when they say that they can't joke anymore? They're confessing that their sense of humor has never grown past jokes with insulting stereotypes for punchlines. I bet they still draw dongs on The Hulk!
The scenes in French class aren't funny at all so apparently David Sedaris is just a big liar. While not being funny, Major Disaster notices the guy covered in a trench coat and fedora has a gray neck which leads him to instantly recognize him as Metamorpho. Which means he figures the other people in class are the rest of Justice League Europe. Do they have secret identities? Are they in danger of being exposed? That could become quite a disaster!
Actually not all the other people in the class are Justice Leaguers. Turns out, every single one of the people I don't recognize is a spy from a separate country keeping tabs on the Justice League. Most of them give up after this class when they realize the League is too ridiculous to take seriously.
A huge brawl breaks out and everybody winds up in jail. Catherine bails them out after telling Captain Atom they could have used diplomatic immunity to keep from being jailed. Is that really a thing? Can they really do whatever they want without consequences? I mean other than America having to take them back as national embarrassments. The Injustice League, not having indimplomatic immunity (the opposite of diplomatic immunity) wind up getting deported back to America. Just because the Justice League tried to beat them up in French class! They didn't even do anything wrong! They were just trying to learn French, then when they realized the Justice League was in their class, they attempted to leave. But the Justice League just couldn't let inbygones be inbygones and they resorted to beating the shit out of them.
Justice League Europe #6 Rating: C-. I suppose I can see how pitching this issue sounded like a great idea. "Just imagine the crazy antics that would take place if the Injustice League wound up in the same classroom as the Justice League! I'm laughing just thinking about it! Oh man. They're all so incompetent! Just think of the things Big Sir would do being that he's got some kind of mental handicap but people just treat him as if he's a big dumb jerk! And Clock King! He'd, like, keep looking at the clock and shit because he's got OCD revolving around time! And Multi-Man, with his serious depression and lack of self-esteem, why, he'd probably, um, be hilarious too somehow! And then Power Girl could punch some of them in the face because they're bad guys! Man, I'm crying because the idea is so funny!" But then they wrote the comic book and sold the comic book and I read the comic book and I thought, "Is this supposed to seem cruel? Can somebody help the members of the Injustice League already?!"
You can tell how bored I was by it by how quickly I summarized the last half of the issue and moved on!
Recently on Twitter, Elon Musk, the dumb-dumb, reported that comedy was now legal on Twitter. My first thought was, "Comedy has been legal all this time! I never stopped being funny!" But then my self-confidence, which has a terrible brand problem itself, got a hold of the thought and changed it to: "I guess I haven't been funny all these years!" You know what somebody is saying when they say that they can't joke anymore? They're confessing that their sense of humor has never grown past jokes with insulting stereotypes for punchlines. I bet they still draw dongs on The Hulk!
The scenes in French class aren't funny at all so apparently David Sedaris is just a big liar. While not being funny, Major Disaster notices the guy covered in a trench coat and fedora has a gray neck which leads him to instantly recognize him as Metamorpho. Which means he figures the other people in class are the rest of Justice League Europe. Do they have secret identities? Are they in danger of being exposed? That could become quite a disaster!
Actually not all the other people in the class are Justice Leaguers. Turns out, every single one of the people I don't recognize is a spy from a separate country keeping tabs on the Justice League. Most of them give up after this class when they realize the League is too ridiculous to take seriously.
A huge brawl breaks out and everybody winds up in jail. Catherine bails them out after telling Captain Atom they could have used diplomatic immunity to keep from being jailed. Is that really a thing? Can they really do whatever they want without consequences? I mean other than America having to take them back as national embarrassments. The Injustice League, not having indimplomatic immunity (the opposite of diplomatic immunity) wind up getting deported back to America. Just because the Justice League tried to beat them up in French class! They didn't even do anything wrong! They were just trying to learn French, then when they realized the Justice League was in their class, they attempted to leave. But the Justice League just couldn't let inbygones be inbygones and they resorted to beating the shit out of them.
Justice League Europe #6 Rating: C-. I suppose I can see how pitching this issue sounded like a great idea. "Just imagine the crazy antics that would take place if the Injustice League wound up in the same classroom as the Justice League! I'm laughing just thinking about it! Oh man. They're all so incompetent! Just think of the things Big Sir would do being that he's got some kind of mental handicap but people just treat him as if he's a big dumb jerk! And Clock King! He'd, like, keep looking at the clock and shit because he's got OCD revolving around time! And Multi-Man, with his serious depression and lack of self-esteem, why, he'd probably, um, be hilarious too somehow! And then Power Girl could punch some of them in the face because they're bad guys! Man, I'm crying because the idea is so funny!" But then they wrote the comic book and sold the comic book and I read the comic book and I thought, "Is this supposed to seem cruel? Can somebody help the members of the Injustice League already?!"
You can tell how bored I was by it by how quickly I summarized the last half of the issue and moved on!
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