Someone's been throwing shit at Power Girl.
This is a good example of a comic book cover that is not iconic. There are many good reasons why this cover is not iconic. But I won't list them because I'm turning over a new leaf. This is one of those leaves that doesn't constantly insult people who put in hours and hours of hard work on a comic book cover that would eventually not be iconic. I'm just going to turn that leaf over so that it covers up all the shit I want to say about Power Girl's hair and her distorted body and Catherine's hair and Wally's face and some concerns over proportions and the colorist fucking up Red Rocket's feet and that vile word balloon. I guess it's more than just one leaf. It's a substantial pile of them and I'm turning them all over for good. I would like to be a good person and not a petty person. Besides, I only spent seventy-five cents on this comic book 33 years ago. What do I have to complain about?! Comic books were practically free entertainment back then. What did young me care if Bart Sears wiped his ass with a cover of Justice League Europe and called it good?! I was just happy to read a comic book with both of Power Girl's breasts in it! I mean with both Animal Man and Metamorpho in it!
Wait. Can I start over and just say, "Bart Sears' art just isn't for me"? Is it too late to take the high road or am I destined to live in the muck forever?!
This issue is called "Another Fine Mess!" which is yet another fine super old reference from Giffen and DeMatteis. I guess it wasn't super old back in 1989. It was just sorta old. And since Keith and J.M. are nearly twenty years older than I am, I suppose it was a reference from their time (if you believe that "their time" includes the three decades before they were even born (which I don't but I wouldn't want to assume that your concept of time is the same as mine)). "Another Fine Mess!" is also a weird title to give this book because I thought Justice League Europe was going to be more serious than Justice League America. How am I supposed to take this team's battle against Nazis and white supremacists seriously when Giffen and DeMatteis are making Laurel and Hardy references in their title?!
Wait. Can I start over and just say, "Bart Sears' art just isn't for me"? Is it too late to take the high road or am I destined to live in the muck forever?!
This issue is called "Another Fine Mess!" which is yet another fine super old reference from Giffen and DeMatteis. I guess it wasn't super old back in 1989. It was just sorta old. And since Keith and J.M. are nearly twenty years older than I am, I suppose it was a reference from their time (if you believe that "their time" includes the three decades before they were even born (which I don't but I wouldn't want to assume that your concept of time is the same as mine)). "Another Fine Mess!" is also a weird title to give this book because I thought Justice League Europe was going to be more serious than Justice League America. How am I supposed to take this team's battle against Nazis and white supremacists seriously when Giffen and DeMatteis are making Laurel and Hardy references in their title?!
Captain's Atom lays it all out for tiny head in armor, long bendy neck head, these eyebrows are about to call you an asshole head, do these goggles make me look like a nerd head, 80s hair head, and The Flash.
Too bad Sue Dibny wasn't in on the meeting because she would have been "wants to suck Captain Atom's cock head."
There she is! Still dreaming about Captain Atom delivering a Hiroshima down her throat.
Captain Atom is in the dark about who might be trying to tie Justice League Europe to neo-Nazi groups or why the Global Guardians are attacking the Justice League or why a bunch of Parisians have been brainwashed into believing the Justice League are white supremacists. My guess is Captain Atom hasn't been reading Justice League America or else he'd realize all the evidence points to Queen Bee and Bialya.
Sue decides to check with Fire and Ice over at the Justice League America comic book because they used to be members of the Global Guardians. She informs them that a Jack O'Lantern and Owlwoman have joined forces with Queen Bee and the terrorist country of Bialya. So now Justice League Europe is all caught up! Elongated Man and Power Girl decide to investigate the old Global Guardians headquarters in Paris. So far, it seems like Sue Dibny is leading this team. She comes up with all the leads and sends the heroes out to investigate. Captain Atom just walks around practically naked not speaking French and upsetting the locals (because he can't speak French and not because his dick is practically hanging out. The French hate the former but love the latter. It's why they love baguettes and the Eifel Tower).
Dressed in their most 80s mufti, Elongated Man, Power Girl, and Animal Man head over to the museum which used to be the Global Guardians headquarters. Power Girl leads the mini-mission while Elongated Man is there to speak French, being the only one who can. I guess Animal Man is there to keep stray dogs away from them.
Sue decides to check with Fire and Ice over at the Justice League America comic book because they used to be members of the Global Guardians. She informs them that a Jack O'Lantern and Owlwoman have joined forces with Queen Bee and the terrorist country of Bialya. So now Justice League Europe is all caught up! Elongated Man and Power Girl decide to investigate the old Global Guardians headquarters in Paris. So far, it seems like Sue Dibny is leading this team. She comes up with all the leads and sends the heroes out to investigate. Captain Atom just walks around practically naked not speaking French and upsetting the locals (because he can't speak French and not because his dick is practically hanging out. The French hate the former but love the latter. It's why they love baguettes and the Eifel Tower).
Dressed in their most 80s mufti, Elongated Man, Power Girl, and Animal Man head over to the museum which used to be the Global Guardians headquarters. Power Girl leads the mini-mission while Elongated Man is there to speak French, being the only one who can. I guess Animal Man is there to keep stray dogs away from them.
Wait. That's Wally?! That's two strikes, colorist Gene D'Angelo!
I suppose that could be Buddy Baker and he's just made about being called Wally rather than Wally being upset about being called Kid Flash. Although, really, I paid 75 cents for this thing. I should be lucky the artist decided to even draw hair on them.
You're a more perceptive man than me, Jack O'Lantern! I never would have guessed that was The Flash. And how the fuck did you know that was Elongated Man? His neck is normal length! I know how you recognized Power Girl though.
Jack O'Lantern mind controls the tourists and attacks the Justice League, pretending they attacked the civilians unprovoked. Hopefully he scrubs all the security footage in the place since none of it will show the Justice League attacking anybody. Also he admits that he's setting them up. Also how powerful does he think he is?! He's going up against Power Girl and The Flash! Oh, and, um, Elongated Man, I guess.
The Queen Bee has given Jack O'Lantern some enhancements (not that I know what those are because what were his powers to begin with? Create a spooky mood with flickering lights?) like a Booster Gold force field (which was technology probably stolen from Booster while he was kidnapped in Bialya). He manages to take out Wally and Ralph with some kind of electrical blast. But Power Girl remains standing so he runs. But not before he explains how he isn't running at all and could probably beat her but he has other business to attend to. Then he and Owlwoman set a timer on a bomb to blow up the building before they leave. But they give enough time for Power Girl and the men to get out because they're not bad guys! They're heroes, dammit! Freedom fighters! Revolutionaries! Terrorists! I mean, not that last one. Although they are working for Bialya so yes that last one. Everybody knows everybody in Bialya is a terrorist! It's the only way to not offend any readers! You have to make up a country where everybody is bad just because they're bad and not for any other religious or cultural reason at all! And then you stick it in the Middle East because, well, that was probably just a random coincidence and not meant in any other way at all.
Now everybody in Paris thinks Justice League Europe are a bunch of asshole Americans. Which they totally are! But not for the reasons everybody thinks they are. I don't think Jack O'Lantern had to concoct such an elaborate plan to turn the citizens of Paris against the Justice League. All he had to do was point out that only one of them can speak French and only one of the entire crew isn't American. And that one is Russian! Also just show loads and loads of pictures of Elongated Man's disgusting neck and twitchy nose every night on the evening news and the whole city will want them out in no time!
The Queen Bee has given Jack O'Lantern some enhancements (not that I know what those are because what were his powers to begin with? Create a spooky mood with flickering lights?) like a Booster Gold force field (which was technology probably stolen from Booster while he was kidnapped in Bialya). He manages to take out Wally and Ralph with some kind of electrical blast. But Power Girl remains standing so he runs. But not before he explains how he isn't running at all and could probably beat her but he has other business to attend to. Then he and Owlwoman set a timer on a bomb to blow up the building before they leave. But they give enough time for Power Girl and the men to get out because they're not bad guys! They're heroes, dammit! Freedom fighters! Revolutionaries! Terrorists! I mean, not that last one. Although they are working for Bialya so yes that last one. Everybody knows everybody in Bialya is a terrorist! It's the only way to not offend any readers! You have to make up a country where everybody is bad just because they're bad and not for any other religious or cultural reason at all! And then you stick it in the Middle East because, well, that was probably just a random coincidence and not meant in any other way at all.
Now everybody in Paris thinks Justice League Europe are a bunch of asshole Americans. Which they totally are! But not for the reasons everybody thinks they are. I don't think Jack O'Lantern had to concoct such an elaborate plan to turn the citizens of Paris against the Justice League. All he had to do was point out that only one of them can speak French and only one of the entire crew isn't American. And that one is Russian! Also just show loads and loads of pictures of Elongated Man's disgusting neck and twitchy nose every night on the evening news and the whole city will want them out in no time!
Power Girl isn't putting up with any more of your shit.
I see why Maxwell Lord sent Power Girl to the European team. He'd have gotten on her nerves way faster than Captain Atom has, after which she'd probably introduce himself to his lower intestines.
Letters this month were from John D. Vazquez of Manati, Puerto Rico; Melissa Page of Nortonville, Kentucky; Jeff Seaman (hee hee) of Yuba City, California; Jerry Muir of Fort Collins, Colorado; Scott R. Pyle of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania; Daryl Holloman of Jasper Alabama; Phil Puskala of Eau Clair, Michigan; Bob Felber of Woonsocket, Rhode Island; and Todd Bustillo of Cypress, California. Scott Pyle claims Rocket Red is his favorite member of the group so now we all now Scott Pyle is boring. Although Elongated Man is his least favorite so at least I know he's sane. None of the official letter writers mention letterer Bob Lappan even though they lavish praise on everybody else. Typical. Although the final editorial blurb is full of other people's edited letters and the final one from Bill Cuthbertson of Layton, Utah, suggests Gene D'Angelo and Bob Lappan should get their names on the cover because of how important they are to the work. That was probably the funniest line of the entire comic!
Justice League Europe #3 Rating: B. A lot of the letter writers were raving about the story but it, um, just isn't for me! Maybe in 1989, this story was innovative and interesting. But I can't judge it from that perspective anymore! I can only judge it after reading dozens of stories where some villain turns the citizens against Superman or Batman or Wonder Woman. Those stories always made me think, "How easily manipulated do writers think people are?!" But then I saw the way people fell all over themselves to worship Donald Trump and now I'm all, "Oh, yeah. There are terribly stupid, gullible, and hateful people in this world, aren't there?!" Although in this story, the citizens have all been mind controlled so that makes the story okay. That's why it gets a B!
Letters this month were from John D. Vazquez of Manati, Puerto Rico; Melissa Page of Nortonville, Kentucky; Jeff Seaman (hee hee) of Yuba City, California; Jerry Muir of Fort Collins, Colorado; Scott R. Pyle of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania; Daryl Holloman of Jasper Alabama; Phil Puskala of Eau Clair, Michigan; Bob Felber of Woonsocket, Rhode Island; and Todd Bustillo of Cypress, California. Scott Pyle claims Rocket Red is his favorite member of the group so now we all now Scott Pyle is boring. Although Elongated Man is his least favorite so at least I know he's sane. None of the official letter writers mention letterer Bob Lappan even though they lavish praise on everybody else. Typical. Although the final editorial blurb is full of other people's edited letters and the final one from Bill Cuthbertson of Layton, Utah, suggests Gene D'Angelo and Bob Lappan should get their names on the cover because of how important they are to the work. That was probably the funniest line of the entire comic!
Justice League Europe #3 Rating: B. A lot of the letter writers were raving about the story but it, um, just isn't for me! Maybe in 1989, this story was innovative and interesting. But I can't judge it from that perspective anymore! I can only judge it after reading dozens of stories where some villain turns the citizens against Superman or Batman or Wonder Woman. Those stories always made me think, "How easily manipulated do writers think people are?!" But then I saw the way people fell all over themselves to worship Donald Trump and now I'm all, "Oh, yeah. There are terribly stupid, gullible, and hateful people in this world, aren't there?!" Although in this story, the citizens have all been mind controlled so that makes the story okay. That's why it gets a B!
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