Bombshells #4

There is subtle and then there is Harley Quinn straddling a chubby bomb.

A brief period of time existed where I could look at this cover and ask, "How many kids today know about Doctor Strangelove?" But that time is past because the internet has made all information available to all people. And since kids are no longer allowed to go outside because it is dangerous and full of people who eat Subway sandwiches, they have plenty of time to sift through all of the knowledge of mankind. Some old fuddy-duddies (who aren't me at all because I am totally hip and with the grooves) probably think kids today are dumber than previous generations because they have so many forms of mindless entertainment at their fingertips (I'm not talking about video games; I'm talking about their stupid friends they're constantly texting). But kids today probably know a little more about everything than kids of any previous generation. You can't help but accidentally learn things when you're Googling for porn on the internet. Because eventually your lusts are going to be sated and then you're going to just randomly putter around the internet, going from one topic to another as link leads to link and YouTube video leads to horribly misogynistic comment boards. Although sometimes it just seems young people are all learning the same stupid garbage from each other so that they all spout the same trite bullshit that they think constitutes deadly philosophical mic drops. But really it's just regurgitating crap they heard in an echo chamber. The internet may allow for people to pick up lots and lots of trivia but it doesn't often allow for cultivating a unique perspective on the world.

[[MORE]] I should know! I wrote about half of the content on the internet! And ain't nobody learnin' nothin' profound from my idiotic rants!

The point I was trying to get at is that most people buying this cover probably realize it's an homage to Doctor Strangelove and not just Harley Quinn coming her eyes out on top of a huge dildo.

This issue begins with Kara Starikov and Kortni Stargirlikov. They didn't get a story last issue which was fine with me because they don't interest my libido as much as Batwoman and Mera do. I mean, I'm not really a fan of their personalities in this comic book. They're just way too...blonde!

That blonde comment was not a comment about their intelligence. It was a comment about how I'm not sexually attracted to blonde women and also how I understand that "hair color" is the most important aspect of a woman's character.

Since Starikov and Stargirlikov work for the Russian military, nobody is surprised that they are being lied to and used for propaganda purposes.

Shocking!

My favorite thing about propaganda is how most people find it so easy to identify when somebody else is falling for it but they never realize or admit to being manipulated by it themselves. You don't have to be stupid to fall for propaganda. You just need to like having your genitals stroked. If you believe in anything strongly, you will eventually succumb to some form of propaganda that feeds on your bias. The only solution is to stop believing in everything. It's the only way to be sure you're not being manipulated!

Disgusting! I'm glad I live in America where this kind of thing never happens.

The second story takes place in Arkham in London. Inside, Doctor Harleen Quinzel goes mad when one of her patients does a spot-on Joker impression. It's also Christmas which means Harley gets to dress up like an elf and terrorize everybody with Christmas tidings and her bosoms.

I think this was hardcore pornography in the 1940s. It's also possible that hardcore pornography was hardcore pornography in the 1940s and I'm simply suffering from the idea that past generations were more innocent and childlike than modern ones.

Harley tries to bang all the women in the bar but the servicemen get pissed because their dicks haven't seen vaginas since they were...well, they probably have never seen vaginas! But now they're surrounded by vaginas engorged with patriotism and they were sure they were finally going to have a good tally wack! A brawl starts but Harley manages to escape in the arms of a brash American pilot named Hal Jordan.

Hal takes Harley to the airfield where he learns that pants means underwear and fanny is a lady's private parts. He's also knocked unconscious and his plane is stolen. Harley flies around London dropping gifts and singing Christmas carols until she eventually--I'm assuming--crashes.

The final story is about Wonder Woman and Mera and Steve Trevor's penis. Hopefully it's mostly about Mera but I won't mind if they linger on Steve Trevor's penis for an uncomfortable amount of time. I am disappointed that Bunny Constantine isn't going to be making an appearance this issue.

No. He told them you wouldn't stop pawing at his crotch.

Wonder Woman learns that people are assholes. But she's willing to put up with them if it means she gets to enjoy more of this "penis" she'd never knew she needed! While Wonder Woman thinks about a new line of candles that will sell like crazy on Paradise Island, the soldiers bring in some Nazi prisoners. One of the men tries to murder the prisoners but Wonder Woman comes to his defense. She points out that the man has surrendered and that this is not the battlefield. She stands up for justice and order and maybe compassion although if she has compassion for a Nazi she's the grossest person ever.

You tell her, Doctor Tumblr!

I bet Wonder Woman is only defending this Nazi because she believes in the right to kill Jews! There's absolutely no way she could be defending this Nazi for any other reason at all! It's like all those cis-het white males who only want to defend the freedom of speech so that they can use whatever slurs they want whenever they want to and for no other reason at all!

Remember that earlier part about propaganda? If you look up the definition of "propaganda," you'll find a picture of Tumblr next to the actual definition of propaganda! It must be nice to spout righteous fury to make the world a better place while actually making it worse with your shrill, unsubtle arguments that are simply suited to turn other people into monsters and not actually think about anything critically. It must be nice to boil every argument down to "if you don't agree with me, you're gross." Sometimes you can be wrong even when your intentions are demonstrably good. Although the extreme liberal voices and arguments are far better than the "traditional" conservative voices. You need people trying to swing the pendulum of social movement as far to the left as possible because the pull back is going to keep it from moving the whole way. So if you only have rational arguments saying "The pendulum would be fairest if it were moved right here!", the pendulum would only move a fraction of the way to that spot. But if you have people saying things like "The pendulum needs to move way up here so that cis-het white male tears flood the nation!", you'll generally get the social justice pendulum moved much closer to the spot where the majority of compassionate people think it ought to be.

If you're thinking that the "social justice pendulum" can't move too far to the left in favor of social justice, you might not be thinking clearly. Because too far to the left lies madness! That's where people make arguments that free speech is a tool of the patriarchy and the world would be better if we had laws censoring what people can say. That's a terrible place to be no matter how free everybody would be from hearing or reading words like "nigger" or "tranny" or "retard." And nobody arguing for freedom of speech is doing so just so they can use offensive words willy-nilly! Well, most people aren't. I have a feeling that if somebody is a liberal and is arguing for freedom of speech in all cases, they're not doing it because they want to be an offensive asshole. Now if a conservative is arguing for freedom of speech, by all means call that person an offensive asshole! Because they're probably trying to get people to stop saying "Happy Holidays" because it's not "Christmas" while also arguing their right to replace saying "nigger" with saying "thug" while winking.

The issue ends with me probably putting my foot in my mouth because everything I type will be misunderstood because I can't explain how every person reading it and thinking I'm a stupid jerk is just reading it incorrectly! I mean, the issue ends with Wonder Woman being threatened with execution if she doesn't follow orders! That probably won't end well for the American military.

DC Comics Bombshells #4 Rating: No change. Marguerite Sauvage didn't do any art for this issue so I'm disappointed because two-thirds of the reason I love this comic book has to do with Batwoman drawn by Sauvage. Oh, and Batwoman wasn't in this issue! The stories this month were average and not very titillating. Although the part where Harley Quinn knocks out stupid Hal Jordan got me a little sexually excited. Mostly because I love seeing Hal take a beating. If I could make a suggestion, Marguerite Bennett, without sounding like a guy telling a woman how to do things correctly: less Supergirl and Stargirl and more Kathy Kane and Amanda Waller! Also more Mera! Maybe also more bikinis and lacy underwear! And more Bunny Constantine! Much, much more of that!