Monday, September 7, 2015

Detective Comics #44

I can tell I'm not in the mood to make fun of comic books when I can't think of a witty way to call this cover boring.

This issue begins with Detective Yip receiving a large cash payout from a Falcone. That's one of the biggest criminal names in the city so I have a suspicion that the transaction was for something nefarious. I wish I could make an envelope full of cash for doing horrible things. As long as those things weren't too strenuous. If I had to put a lot of effort into being a criminal, I'd rather just continue to do shitty physical labor for piddling amounts of money. I'm sure Yip just passed along some information. If only I had some information that somebody would pay a lot of money for! Although everything I know will eventually wind up in a comic book review, so anybody wanting to learn anything from me can get it for free. They'll just have to wait and wade through dozens of posts about how I feel more emotionally attached to comic book characters than to my parents.

Meanwhile, Commissioner Batman begins his battle with the Joker Robot.

The Honey Bunny Bat Armor was financed by Wayne Enterprises and The Powers Corporation. Who the hell backed Jokerbot 9000?!

Yip, Bullock, and Montoya head for the Jokerbot because they love to stand around ineffectually as they completely fail their city. Yip tries to get them to head to the circus because she's probably not as dirty as everybody thinks she is. She knows about some crime (probably that Cirque de Assassanation that's about to go down) that mere human detectives actually have a chance to avert. But Montoya seems obsessed with getting killed by the Jokerbot so she drives directly at it which doesn't turn out so well.

JOKERBOT SMAAAA...should probably think up a different sound effect when destroying things.

Luckily Commissioner Batman is nearby to catch the car before everybody inside of it dies. I think this might be part of the Sneak Peek, so Yip needs to pretend to be stuck in the truck now as it explodes instead of obviously sneaking out the back.

Montoya and Bullock get clear of the truck but Yip is stuck inside. She points out that they need to get to the circus because the assassination is going to happen during the rehearsal like I pointed out it probably would fifteen issues ago. I think it was that many issues ago. It feels like this story has been going for over a year, right? Anyway, Harvey moves Montoya away from the van and then lights the gas leaking out of it and blows Yip to hell. Except I'm sure Commissioner Batman saved her while Montoya and Harvey weren't looking. That's why Harvey lights the gas without any hesitation. I'm sure his plan with Commissioner Batman to "kill" Yip was just to make it look like she'd been killed so everybody stops trying to bust her ass. Especially those assholes Keyes and Alvarez. And now with the information he received from Yip before blowing her up, Harvey can clear her name by pointing out she wasn't dirty at all! She was clean! And helpful!

The Day of the Dead gang members freed by Jokerbot 9000 have gone back to the circus to perform and to also shoot somebody in the throat. I forget who the cops are protecting. Does it matter?

See? It doesn't matter! The cops should be protecting themselves. I hope the targets are Keyes and Alvarez!

Commissioner Batman and his crew, Julia and Daryl, figure out a way to make Jokerbot overheat. The core explodes and Jokerbot's massive amount of armor contains the blast. The Joker's Daughter ejects out of the head where she was controlling it. I guess the Falcone family paid for this monstrosity. Although why they would hire a fifteen year old runaway to drive it is beyond my almost human comprehension.

Holy crap! I just realized the purpose of this story!

Manapul must have been tasked with cleaning up some of Ann Nocenti's mess! So he has Commissioner Batman nearly explode The Joker's Daughter's head by backhanding her with a super powered suit of armor. Normally I would feel this was out of character for Gordon to strike a young girl who was posing no threat but she poses a bigger threat than anybody realizes! She could get her Ann Nocenti taint all over the DCYou! So he's got to send her off to Arkham where she can develop a new back story and a different personality. And if Manapul is picking up a bunch of Nocenti's socks she left lying around the Youniverse, he might as well take care of Detective Keyes as well! I know Alvarez and Keyes are being used in Catwoman right now but if just Keyes is killed, Alvarez can continue to do what he's doing over in Catwoman. And that works out perfectly because Keyes was created by Ann Nocenti while Alvarez first appeared in Winick's Catwoman run!

Yes! Yes! Do it! Do it!

Normally I wouldn't be this excited about the death of a Gotham cop but Ann Nocenti tortured me for years with her awful stories featuring Green Arrow, Katana, Klarion, and Catwoman. I would never wish actual harm on a real person so I'm going to take out all of my hatred on poor Detective Keyes. Sorry, Detective, but somebody has to pay the piper.

Who's responsibility is it usually to pay the piper? And which piper is being paid? A guy who lays non-sexual pipe? A guy who plays a flute? A guy who lays sexual pipe? A guy who plays the sexual flute?

Commissioner Batman blows the lights with an EMP just before Keyes can be killed. He beats up the Day of the Dead assassins and saves the day. Jerk.

The explanation for the story comes next just in case you weren't as clear as I was on what was happening. See, Yip sold the cop seating chart to Stefano Falcone so that the Falcones could pay the Day of the Dead assassins to kill all of the cops who refused to take money from him. That would have been Keyes and Alvarez, dammit! Why couldn't you wait just three more seconds, Gordon?!

It turns out The Joker's Daughter didn't get any money from Falcone. She just kidnapped a Powers Corp scientist to build the Jokerbot 9000 for her because she wanted a Robot Joker to match the Batman robot. I have no idea where she got the money or the materials to fund the thing. I doubt the scientist came with hundreds of millions of dollars.

Bullock lets Gordon know that Yip's death was faked to keep her safe and now she's in witness protection. He's a bit upset about it because she actually enjoyed fucking him and he doesn't find people with that kind of bad taste in men often. So now he's depressed that he's not getting laid and his new partner is a lesbian.

Detective Comics #44 Rating: No change. This was a satisfying conclusion to a story arc that was probably an issue or two longer than it needed to be. Every plot point except how The Joker's Daughter funded her Jokerbot 9000 was telegraphed early and concluded in exactly the way everybody guessed they would conclude. Anyway, now that Montoya and Bullock are officially partners, I would like to petition to have Detective Comics be only about the detectives in the Gotham Police Department. I think Commissioner Batman can make appearances but he shouldn't be the main thrust of this comic book. Although I think Commissioner Batman should have less on-panel time than Bullock's cats. How about a back-up feature starring them? DC Comics would do well to have more cat characters in their Youniverse.

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