Why waste a parachute on GI Zombie?
Anyway, I don't see zombies wearing thin on the public mind any time soon. We already had that zombie romance film with the kid from About a Boy. I think we need a zombie sitcom before they're finally laid to rest by a public weary of shambling corpses.
This issue begins with Tiffany (unless it's Carmen!), the non-zombie, infiltrating the evil biker gang's secret lair. Actually, she was invited and she just walked right up to the front gate to be let in. But first she needs to be frisked!
First time with a man too! Men have asses as well! Maybe he's only been with sheep.
GI Zombie remains outside the Biker Lair gathering information and/or eating brains. So far, no war stories have been told and nothing has been starred or spangled. Some ex-government agents have delivered some bio-weapons to the bikers because their boss is a careless moron. I think this might have been a story Jimmy and Justin were going to use for The Unknown Soldier but converted it into a GI Zombie story because the characters are practically interchangeable! One doesn't have a face; one eats faces. One is the living embodiment of Cain; one is the living embodiment of Abel. Okay, I don't know whether either of those last two statement are true. But I think Jimmy and Justin were building the mythology around the Unknown Soldier that the essence of Cain took over the mind of a soldier killed during war and turned that soldier into a living weapon, the epitome of war. The Mark of Cain was probably the reason for the Unknown Soldier's abilities (plus all the cyber technology they shoved up him). And now GI Zombie can be the unliving embodiment of Abel, the first person murdered! Of course he wouldn't be able to just die in peace. He'd have to forever haunt the world looking to eat the brains of The Unknown Soldier before he can rest in peace, satiated on revenge. Hopefully GI Zombie lives in the House of Secrets because it's about time that House came back after it's brief appearance in Justice League Dark and it's mention that went nowhere in All Star Western. Although it's possible the House of Secrets is being saved for The Secret Six coming in December.
Oh god. He's one of those nerds.
Obviously I was talking about nerds which is why I didn't talk about the humor of Greek organizations where everybody is a fag or a lezbo, or the humor of jocks which is pretty much just kicking somebody in the balls or tripping someone carrying a lunch tray. We've also got the humor of the masses which you can watch on CBS every whatever night they claim is the height of comedy but is basically just jokes about fat people, promiscuity, and nerds.
I also didn't mention religious humor because their humor is shit like, "Q: How many abortionists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: Are you crazy? You think they have electricity in Hell?!"
Let's dismantle the government and replace all the laws with whatever those idiots on Utopia come up with!
Wait. What? "Anderson?" Hell no! That's the name of a goddamned white accountant!
Have those idiots in Utopia shown us how to create a perfect community yet? I have a feeling what we're going to learn is that Utopia is just Big Brother in the woods and all the drama is going to revolve around who is fucking whom. And when they're not caught up in high school dating drama, they'll argue all the typical, bullshit issues where everybody wants everybody else to live exactly the same life they're currently living.
Somehow in all the comic book fighting, GI Zombie winds up riding on the back of a Patriot Missile. I think it's a metaphor for something! Probably sex!
Inside the missile is the bio-weapon! The Bikers are going to unleash a Super Virus called Black Ice on Washington, DC! That's a metaphor too! It's a metaphor for the Race War! Black Ice? Black Guys? And the bikers are complete white rednecks? And the only person that can end racial strife and bring harmony to the masses is GI Zombie, hero of the proletariat, and/or sex bomb!
Star Spangled War Stories #2 Rating: No change. Hey Jimmy and Justin? Don't make GI Zombie a total mystery for the entire run of the comic book. Let me get to fucking know him so that I actually feel connected to the character. I know it's only issue two, so it's like a newborn baby, meaning there's no reason to love it yet. You've got to make me care! Show me how GI Zombie came about and why he does what he does? Does he work for the government as a hitman simply for the free food? Has he ever loved a she-zombie? Or a he-zombie, judging by the way he knew his way around mounting a missile. Let the reader inside of him! Inside of his mind, not his bowels! Show how he loves cats! And loves to eat dogs! Make him human! Um, so to speak, of course.