Swamp Thing #21

It looks like Swamp Thing has returned to Earth Vertigo.

DC Comics has a problem and I don't know how they can fix it. They know they have a stable of characters that will sell well no matter how mediocre the writer is. So they try to fill up as many books with Batman and Superman and Batman appearances as possible, along with keeping a certain number of teen hero titles with big fandoms. These comics seem to sell well no matter what, from the well thought out and put together stories of Scott Snyder to the last night before a paper is due scripts of Scott Lobdell. So how do they get amazing titles like Dial H and Demon Knights and All Star Western to sell better? I'll tell you one way to not do it: stop competing with yourself! Don't flood the market with more Batman and Superman books! Unless DC had a program where they continue to keep one critically acclaimed book on the shelves even if it's sales are poor by subsidizing it with one Batman or Superman book. Link the two and simply look at the numbers together. "Oh, Batman and Dial H are selling 130,000 per month! Great! Keep them both going!" I can't think of any other plan to keep a series going, especially since it seems like a book like Dial H is dead right out of the starting gate. Why, you may ask?

Look at it this way. Dial H #1 might be picked up by a lot of people to see what it's about. But it's also just as likely to be passed over since "Dial H" doesn't have any popular characters in the title. Unless you're a huge fan of Dials and/or "H"s. Depending on how well Issue #1 sells, the local comic book store owners will adjust the amount of issues they buy, thus limiting the amount of copies that have the potential to sell. The less issues available on the shelf, the less new readers the comic is going to pick up. And the book just continues to spiral into oblivion. Digital sales don't work like this, and I'd love to see books bolstered and saved by people picking up digital copies once they hear good word of mouth. I'm trying my best to point people to the best DC has to offer.

Up until now (about a year and a half into The New 52), I have to say DC's business model has been working. Most of the cancelled comic books have been pretty bad and they've been replaced by much better books. But this last wave of cancellations included a really good book (I, Vampire) and a really fun book (Sword of Sorcery). And the announcements for the next batch just make things worse. We're losing Dial H and Demon Knights. But since it's all about numbers sold (Demon Knights and Dial H sold about as well as The Ravagers in May. Shofuckcking), I can't be angry at DC so I'll have to console myself with being angry at DC's readers. Start reading the books I like, you jerks!

Swamp Thing is one of those books that I like. It looks to be doing okay right now, so I won't worry. But y'all really better start picking up All Star Western. It's a black humor buddy road picture with the guy I think has the best moral disposition in all of DC Comics! Aren't all comic book readers Chaotic Neutral? Also, everybody should purchase the final issue of Dial H whether they were reading it or not. If you want to encourage China Mieville to stick around making some of the most imaginative comics out there, it's money well spent. Maybe next time he'll get a character with a larger fandom than Nelson.

Look at all those words and I haven't bothered to scan in a single picture? How am I keeping anybody interested? The answer, most probably is, I'm not. But then can the question even have an answer if there was nobody left to read the question?

A woman has appeared in Swamp Thing's home proclaiming, "Sanctuarium Folium Viride!" That's Latin for "I stepped in Alligator shit."

Swampy's observances are so much better when they're not mired in self-pity and bean angst.

This woman is named Cappucino and she's just invoked the Sacred Right of Leaf Protection. Too bad Swamp Thing knows nothing about the protocols of his job. He'd love to help her out if she could just tell him what it's all about. And then his head explodes.

I suppose an exploded head isn't the worst thing that can happen to a plant. It's probably his feet that need the real protection. His head is just sort of a blossom mimicking the features of a humanoid so that he can get along more readily in the human world that Alec Holland is used to getting around in.

The cause of Swamp Thing's head explosion are two swamp rednecks named Crispus and the White One. They've been hunting for Capucine because they heard an urban legend that if you kill her, you'll get her ten centuries of life. That's reason enough to hunt someone down and kill them and their salad bodyguard. I once heard that if you kick a cop in the groin, you'll get seven years good luck. Apparently I imagined the "good luck" part of the saying. Although the saying was still wrong because good behaviour cut it down to two years.

Let's pretend this legend is true for a second. I'd be very fucking wary about something like this. You have to go into every situation in life as if it's a Monkey's Paw situation! Don't assume you're going to get to live for 1000 years if you kill this woman! The legend says you'll get her ten centuries for yourself. What if that means you simply get whatever's left? What if she's already lived 999 years?! You'd be better off not killing her. Hmm. That last sentence was meant to be more interesting. Like, "You'd be better off filming a nature series where you juggle deadly snakes!" Although that's not a good example because I think you wouldn't last a year at all doing that!

Crispus and the White One don't survive long enough to learn if the legend is true or not anyway. I bet she gains their quarter centuries for herself though! She probably spreads the rumor because she needs to kill people to earn their life and when they threaten her, she's justified in killing them. She's a real smart cookie!

Now I want cookies. I always do that to myself!

More evidence that she began the urban legend.

Before signing any contracts, Swamp Thing consults the Parliament of Teeny Tiny Trees on the how-tos and why-fors of the Sacred Right of Leaf Protection. To answer the Swamp Thing's misgivings, The Parliament of Teeny Tiny Trees tells him a story about a Swamp Thing many years ago that saved some witches from being burned at the stake. The old Swamp Thing tells the new Swamp Thing that the Sacred Right of Leaf Protection was something he set up and no other avatar needs to follow it if they don't want to. And then the life is sucked out of him and he dies! Whoops!

Swamp Thing realizes the killer of the old Swamp Thing was The Seeder, the person that has been helping humans by perverting The Green. This time, The Seeder directly attacked Swamp Thing and The Green. So the Swamp Thing tells Cappucino to hold that thought for a second while he heads out to deal with The Seeder.

Swamp Thing #21 Rating: +1 Ranking. Not a lot of action in this issue but I really like the Swamp Thing's current personality. And I enjoyed the set-up here where one person has come seeking his help yet the Swamp Thing still has his own duties to attend to. It's nice to see him actually doing his job as the Avatar of The Green!