Batwoman #3 (May 2026)

You're allowed to be lesbian in the DC Universe but your partner can't have a face.

Batwoman #3 (May 2026)
By Greg Rucka, DaNi, Matt Hollingsworth, and Hassan Otsmane-Elhaou
Cover by DaNi and Matt Hollingsworth
Edited by James Reid and Rob Levin

Even though I don't totally know what's going on in this comic book series, I'm still reading it. And it's not because my male gaze keeps reminding me that the main character is a lesbian who might engage in lesbian sex. What even is lesbian sex? And as a mostly hetero male, why would I be interested in it? It's not for me no matter how many extra boobies and vaginas there are! It would be philosophically wrong for me to eroticize the passionate lovemaking of two women who are not engaging in the act to make some dude's penis erect! Which is why I'm totally reading this comic book because of Kate's dad, Patriarchy Kane. I know the lessons he needs to learn are probably the lessons I need to learn! So if anybody walks into my private office while I'm reading this comic book one-handed with my pants around my ankles, it's because learning about how the Patriarchy fucks us all makes me super horny.

I think I've made my intentions clear while indicating exactly how awesome a human being I am so let's read the comic book now! Just let me drop my boxers and we'll start!

Wait a second. Women naked in showers can be sad?! How do you jerk off to that?!

DaNi needs to take the David Finch School of Drawing Women in Showers so that my penis can weep semen instead of tears. Seeing Kate Kane crying in the shower making herself as small as she feels has me thinking that maybe women have internal, secret identities (some would say "individuality" and "agency" and maybe "autonomy") that have nothing to do with the men that surround them and try to imagine them naked? Is that possible? Or is this just part of the comic book fiction?

Hey, do y'all remember Bitch Planet? That was a comic book I did some blogs on which I stated right up front, "This is probably not a comic book that I should comment on!" And boy was I right! I probably shouldn't comment on this comic book either but eventually Kate's going to battle a Chupacabra and then it'll be right up my Jeopardy knowledge alley: Cryptozoology, Batman Family, and Lesbians! The other three categories would be Alice Cooper, Sour Candy, and Names of Smurfs.

I'm not sure why Kate is hiding in the shower but it might have something to do with Batwoman and how Batwoman killed dozens of people the previous night right in front of her father. Is it the killing that disturbs her? Was it the people who are after her (her hot sister included) that has her shaken? Is it a lady thing? When does menopause start? 28? 29?

Oh! Maybe it's the execution that has upset her. Her first kill, maybe? Worried about Batman's upcoming scolding lecture?

Because I don't totally know what's going on in this comic book, I don't have a lot of insight into what Kate's going through. Some people might say I don't have a lot of insight into what Kate's going through because I'm a sexist asshole who is also dimwitted. And that's fair.

Despina is the leader of an ancient Greek menstruation cult who wants Batwoman to join the cult. Despina and her cult might also have ties to Darkseid. Perhaps Beth, Kate's sister who loves to show off her pantaloons, is also involved. Or she's finally, actually dead.

Despina's lackey, Pagona, was the one that said Batwoman needs their care. Despina thinks Batwoman has just declared war on them and maybe bringing her into the cult just can't happen now. So they're going to have to war right back at Batwoman. Despina, Slay, and the cis guy whose name I don't remember are like the aggressive guy in the bar who does everything he can to piss somebody off so that when they call him out on his behavior, he'll feel justified in punching them in the nose. They say Batwoman has declared war without taking any responsibility for all the shit they did that forced Batwoman to defend herself.

Patriarchy Kane visits Kate's doctor, a woman, to tell the doctor, a woman, what she needs to do to control his daughter, Kate, another woman.

So the lesson I should be learning from Patriarchy Kane is to not tell women what they should do to protect themselves? They can think for themselves? Hunh!

I imagine I'd be a better adult male if, as a child, I had seen an episode of In Search Of . . . that was in search of "Women's Liberation". But Leonard Nimoy never did that episode for some reason. Maybe because it was the '70s? Although that was the best decade for it what with Gloria Steinem and the Equal Rights Amendment and Susan Sontag! People were in search of women's lib all over the place in the '70s! I think they almost found it and then the Reagan Conservative Blitz of the '80s was all, "No way, Joe-say! Women got no say, no how! Also the gays and the blacks! Everybody but white men shut the fuck up!" And that's why society is terrible now!

For younger people wondering what it was like to live in the '70s, especially in the place I grew up (the San Francisco Bay Area (no, I didn't grow up in San Francisco! Just nearby!)), I highly recommend Armistead Maupin's Tales of the City. I first read it in college which was a little bit less than 20 years after it was written. I just reread the first two books earlier this year (still looking for a used copy of Further Tales of the City to continue the series) and it's such a cool, casual look into the culture of the time. And the mindset of the people who are supposedly "living in a bubble". Weird that the people who accept everybody else are the ones who have been blasted as being out of touch.

If you are younger and decide to read it, keep the Internet nearby to look up every reference you don't understand. It'll be worth it!

Later, Patriarchy Kane snitches to Patriarchyman about Kate murdering a guy.

I don't know what Batman's going to do. Ask Alfred to prepare the Bat-Finger-Wagger?

The next night, Batwoman hits the town again and, geez, maybe it's not Batwoman after all? Kate assured the doctor she hadn't left the premises the night before. Why shouldn't I believe Kate?! Plus we've got that no-faced woman on the front cover being all, "Why am I on the front cover?! Could it have been me doing the killing and executing?! I'm fucking Lesbian Rorschach, bitches!"

I just now, all these years later, realized how fucking genius it was of Moore to turn The Question into Rorschach. That guy's never going to not fucking blow my mind. Just over and over again. The Master! Plus my memory is so shit that maybe that has already blown my mind five or six times over the years and then I pleasantly forget so that I can have my mind blown again at a later date.

Anyway, back to Batwoman being The Question . . . I was wrong. Terrible supposition. Stupid Comic Book Reader! The Question comes to aid Batwoman in a battle against Pagona when Batwoman breaks into Gores' penthouse office. They drive off Pagona and then engage in some lesbian stuff.

Is this how lesbian sex always ends?! I don't think I'm into that at all!

The Ranking!
At least the encounter with Montoya keeps alive the supposition that this isn't actually Kate Kane. Except that Montoya seems to recognize her. But that doesn't matter being that this is comics. Perhaps Kate is being manipulated by mind control through her therapeutic sessions in the asylum. Therapist does literally spell "the rapist" and they can delve into your mind without consent and pull some icky strings, right? Or maybe Beth has returned as Batwoman? She'd make a good evil (and sexy!) Batwoman, right?! If I knew more of the story that took place previous to this series, maybe I could make some more educated assertions. Also if I were smarter. That would probably help. I guess if anybody can figure out what's going on, it's Patriarchyman! I sure hope he swings down to solve the case soon!

Batwoman #2 (April 2026)

I got the regular cover because none of the variant covers featured Beth's undergarments.

Batwoman #2 (April 2026)
By Greg Rucka, DaNi, Matt Hollingsworth, and Hassan Otsmane-Elhaou
Cover by DaNi and Matt Hollingsworth
Edited by James Reid and Rob Levin

Personally, I think Batwoman should respect herself more by choosing a less derivative name which rides on the coat-cape of Bruce Wayne and exemplifies her assets¹. I don't know what those assets are but I think they're somewhat akin to Dana Scully of The X-Files fame's assets. Not just because they both have red hair but because they both investigated paranormal activities while also being Catholic² and rational³. And you didn't see Dana Scully taking up the mantle "Fox Mulder Woman". Although that's what I called her in my '90s fan fiction epic "Fox Mulder Woman meets Sailor Moon Boy".

Speaking of Batwoman's derivative name, I had to check to see if, after having Batman, Manbat, Batwoman, and Batgirl, there has ever been a Batboy. I know I'm not the first to follow this thread into the vaults of DC's history but I'm happy discovering things on my own instead of just passively reading the Internet and learning whatever other people choose to teach me. I actually go out there and do my own research which is why I now believe that Covid was a hoax, 9/11 was an inside job, the British Royals are all lizard people, and the original Fruit of the Loom logo did have a cornucopia. You just can't make up the kind of things the wackjobs on YouTube scream endlessly.

Anyway, I "found" this cover from 1955 which teaches us two things: Batboy existed and people in 1955 had zero cynicism what-so-ever. I mean, Batboy's a guy who shoots sticky material out of the end of his phallic symbol? Batteen, maybe. But Batboy?! Unbelievable!

If Batboy were created in 2026, the creator would have to register as a sex offender.

I can't tell if Robin is impressed by Batboy's load or shocked that Batboy can already produce, um, webs. The only explanation I can come up with for Batboy having a bat that shoots web is the disgusting one I mentioned earlier so I have to assume that the person who created him in 1955 was thinking the same thing and giggling about it the entire time. The only other reason Batboy would have a bat that shoots webs is if people in 1955 thought bats spun webs. Did they think that?! I might be suffering from that social delusion where people in every generation believe that every generation before them were gibbering idiots who could only have accomplished the things they did if aliens actually did it for them. Occam's Razor probably points to comic book writers in 1955 being dirty perverts more so than them thinking bats spun webs⁴.

One last note on Batman #90 featuring a little person pretending to be a boy who shoots goo out of the end of his rod: this was the first issue of Batman to have the Comics Code Authority seal on it. Which tells me they weren't fucking doing their job from Day Fucking One!

This is Jake. I don't know who he is other than he's a creepy dude who loves to do creepy things.

I'm judging Jake by his appearance in one panel without having any information about him at all. But you don't peer around a curtain like that while being drawn in that particular style and mutter, "Oh, Kate," without being an absolute spinetingler of a clarion warning call of bad vibes.

No wait. Jacob Kane is Kate's military father (retired now, I guess). I forgot because I usually just refer to him as Patriarchy Kane.

Jake's in the town in Greece where Kate's been placed in the asylum to keep an eye on her. He's also apparently living above the Batwoman Cave? Why is that in Greece? Is Greece where the majority of paranormal crimes happen?

Jake, looking out the window, see's the Batwoman Signal plastered on the building of Kate's enemies so he hops on the Batwomancycle and rides off to wag his finger at her. Meanwhile in the building lit up by the blood-red Batwoman Signal, Slay gets on his burner phone to command his Slaylings to find the source of the Batwoman Signal. I don't think there's a Commissioner Gordonwoman in Greece so the signal could be projected from anywhere.

The Slayings do not locate Batwoman but they do find the Batwomanprojector. Oh, also a Batwoman grenade.

I assume she means pay for something other than reading this note? I don't know what that is because I didn't read DC's Mike Tyson's Punchout Presents.

I'm pretty sure the first thing I wouldn't do after being caught in the explosion of a grenade is read the note which I found just before the grenade landed. First I would scream and then I would shit my pants and then I would panic and run off the roof of the building and then I would begin to die and, finally, I would think, "I wonder what was on that note?"

I don't know if Slay's Slaylings are real people or more like Professor Pyg's Dollotrons but if they're real people, Kate Kane seems to have stolen everything from Batman⁵ except his refusal to kill. She steps on and explodes one Slayling's skull and then kicks another one off of the building. It's also possible she has an orgasm during the fight. You might think I'm saying that because she's a woman and I'm a huge pervert but I have over 5000 comic book reviews in which at least 75% of them probably describe male heroes jizzing in their costumes. So if you're going to call me sexist for sexualizing Batwoman as she battles, you'll have to discard that argument and come up with one of the dozens of other ones that I can't defend myself from.

Despina and Mr. Gores, the main villains (more so Despina but that's obvious because Despina is a woman and women heroes need strong women antagonists), do some more plotting to make sure the readers know that their goal is the capture of Batwoman. I don't know who Despina is but she's named like one of Darkseid's people. Apparently she's the head of some ancient Grecian menstruation cult?

I didn't make up the menstruation cult thing! It's right their in Rucka's writing!

Slay arrives to choke Kate for half a second before she breaks free, rolls off the roof, jumps on a truck, and falls into the street. Her dad arrives by Batwomancycle to help but he's stuck in the shoulder by a throwing knife as some Slaylings arrive. To save herself and her dad, Kate puts a bullet in the faces of every Slayling on the street. Her dad seems shocked so I guess maybe Kate has only recently taken to murdering people? Although they do say, "When in Greece, do as the Grecians do,"⁶ so maybe Greeks love to murder?

Kate walks off into the night, probably heading back to therapy.

The Ranking!
I may not know entirely what's going on in this comic book but it doesn't really matter. I'm just reading it as if it's one of the non-comic book pieces of literature I usually read. Those are always super confusing and never come right out and tell you what's going on. Sometimes you even have to piece together the parts of the story that take place after the end of the book but before the beginning. I'm glaring at you, Infinite Jest! So I'm used to not knowing what's going on. Also, it's like my life. What is happening? I don't know. Someday I'll die after falling off of a building running from a grenade and I'll think, "I wonder what that was all about?"


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¹ I assure you that wasn't a boob joke. At least not until I wrote this footnote.
² I don't know if Kate Kane is Catholic. It feels like she's very Catholic.
³ After I typed "Catholic and rational" into the universe, four small wormholes appeared over my laptop, three of which emitted a long farting noise while the fourth dribbled something that I think may have been mayonnaise.
⁴ They don't, right? Right?!
⁵ She even has her own bird-themed sidekick at times: Firebird!
⁶ I'm sure it was originally about the Greeks. Fucking Romans stole all of their shit, why not that saying as well?

Batwoman #1 (March 2026)

Batwoman is to The X-Files as Batman is to Perry Mason.

Batwoman #1 (March 2026)
By Greg Rucka, DaNi, Matt Hollingsworth, and Hassan Otsmane-Elhaou
Cover by DaNi and Matt Hollingsworth
Edited by James Reid and Rob Levin

• I don't know a whole lot about Batwoman. I read her New 52 series which was beautifully drawn by J.H. Williams III but I don't remember as much of it as I should¹. I think she battled Killer Croc (or counseled him?) and La Llorona and Chupacabra and the Loch Ness Monster and her sister who was like crazy and maybe super hot? Or was that her ex-lover? Maybe both? Also her father was a tight-ass general who had "Patriarchy" written across his chest like he was in a political cartoon.

• I also remember her from James Tynion's run on Detective Comics where Tim Drake kept telling her to do what he says because he was a young bisexual genius with more representation than her boring old lesbian woman schtick and she was all, "Fuck you! I'm going to shoot people in the face if I have to! Also Clayface is evil. Or good. I forget which side I'm taking on this!" But they both agreed that Batman was out-of-control with his white male Cis privilege. Wasn't there some young tart² named Spoiler in that too?

• The story opens on an asylum in Greece where everybody has the most Grecian names possible to remind the reader that they're in Greece. They're all, "Thank you Nicholas!", and "You're welcome, Zena," and "Is Dorothea a Grecian name? It might as well be because it helps to make my point!"

• I would define the art style as "abstract Mary Worth".

• The woman in the asylum being psychoanalyzed by Zena is Kate Kane. That's the non-wig version of Batwoman. She's super beat up and defeated, possibly because she got her ass kicked in DC's recent DC's Mike Tyson's Punch Out Presents mini-series. I don't know who she got her ass beat by because I didn't read it even though I meant to read it. The reason I didn't read it was because there were too many fucking tie-ins that probably didn't matter. I thought it was going to be a bunch of comics based on the brackets they set up and then apparently they didn't even show most of the battles? I'm so glad I didn't read it! Although if Lobo beat up Batwoman³, I'm sorry I missed that.

Not with that attitude it won't!

• Batwoman's therapist asks her about the last time she saw her sister which is really important to readers like me who love to see women's underwear.

This is Batwoman's sister Beth. You might recognize her.

• This story is called "Eschatology". I think that's the science of eating snails.

• Kate tells the therapist⁴ that her twin sister died when they were twelve. But we, the readers, know she isn't dead. Some readers who have better memories than me and are less focused on women's undergarments probably remember the entire story of Beth Kane. But that's not me because women's undergarments women's undergarments panties thongs moist gussets.

• In a flashback, we learn that Beth was prepared to set off a bomb that would create an Apokolips firepit underneath some city⁵. Kate tried to appeal to her sister's sense of mercy and ethics and fashionable underpants. But Beth, being crazy and dead at twelve, wasn't in the mood to listen.

Did this occur during DC's Mike Tyson's Punch Out Presents?

• Some people choose sides based on ethics and morality. I choose sides based on the aesthetic choices of the combatants. And even though Kate Kane has some stellar fucking boots, I'm all the way Team Beth. Not only does she look hot, she also looks like cake! Mmm, I want to eat her so badly.

• I guess Beth is working for Darkseid. Did Darkseid win the DC's Mike Tyson's Punch Out Presents? Is that why there's going to be a Reign of the Superboys? Because Superman made it to the final bracket and was "killed"? Also, was Beth really big enough to be in the brackets? Or is she just an out-of-control fan overturning busses after her team won/lost?

• I love Beth's look so much that I might be losing interest in Lobo! Is that possible? What's happening?! I think I'm being groomed by Beth! It makes sense because I've crushed on Alice and her LSD world since I was a child and Beth has taken the name Alice. So maybe I love her? Or do I just really love panties and cake? Life is confusing.

And pale boobs! Don't forget those! Tasty, icing covered pale boobs.

• Goddammit. Now I want boobs and cake!

• Batwoman and her sister Alice/Beth battle until they fall off of a cliff. Is that what happened? Or was that just a metaphorical scene representing how they're stuck in a cycle of battling each other over and over until one of them must eventually die? Even though this is a bit confusing, I'm still glad I didn't try to read DC's Mike Tyson's Punch Out Presents and all of its tie-ins.

• Back in Greece instead of wherever the flashback took place⁵, Kate cries a bit and the therapist is all, "Well, that's it for today! You're probably nearly cured now, right? No, no! Don't answer that! Your hour is up! We'll continue next time with what Beth's bra looked like."

• Kate goes back to her room to stare at a picture of her licking her sister when they were pre-twelve. Meanwhile, somebody somewhere else⁵ speaks in Narration Boxes to somebody else about how Alice is indeed dead but they think they can remake Kate Kane in her image. Then she'll be "the herald of Anti-Life".

• The man who wants Kate is called Mr. Gores. The woman whose got eyes on Kate in the sanitarium is named Despina. Her loyal servant in the weird Greek choral mask is Slay. They're all working on behalf of Darkseid. I'd probably understand more of what's going on with Darkseid if I'd read any All In books that came out well before March 18th. But I've only read the March 18th, 2026 books! So I'll just assume Darkseid's still all hot and bothered about the Anti-Life Equation and he hates Superman and he wants to turn Earth into another Apokolips where he has control of all the metahumans and maybe also the one place where Love exists or something.

• As the three evil doers plot to kidnap Kate Kane and turn her into a Silver Surfer of Darkseid, Batwoman appears at their window and dangerously shines a laser into their eyes. Then she swears! But it's in typography so I can't be sure if she called the bad guy a cock or a cunt.

The Ranking!
How did I buy three DC comic books on Wednesday and wind up with three interesting books? Has DC been publishing interesting comic books again? I know I've been away for some years but it still doesn't seem possible. I've got to assume that the Deathstork book is a fluke that will quickly spiral into unreadability. But I think Batwoman will continue to be dark and gritty and full of women's undergarments so I'll keep picking it up. And Lobo is Lobo so that's not even a question. I hope these aren't fucking gateway comics that lead me into the hell realm of wanting to buy even more $4.00+ comic books!


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¹ Which is weird because the whole point of writing about these comic books is to cement them better in my memory. But I think what actually happens is that I make a lot of stupid jokes while not totally paying attention to the plot.
² I mean that in the most affectionate way! Like when you were young and you'd go to the ice skating rink to hang out with your peers and that one girl with the big boobs would lay herself across your back while laughing and flirting and even though you knew she wasn't serious it was still really appreciated and you always remembered her fondly. Is that the definition of a young tart? Should I look up what it really means or just keep using language incorrectly to the detriment of my reputation?! Bah, looking shit up is for nerds and tarts!
³ My guess is that Lobo did not battle Batwoman because it might have gotten a bit homophobic. Although I think maybe Lobo battled Wonder Woman and that was probably super sexist. But in a fun way!
⁴ I know! I hate that word too! I noticed it said "The Rapist" long before that SNL skit where fake Sean Connery says, "I'll take the rapist for $200, Alex!"
⁵ Probably Gotham, right?