Kyle's just lucky Bueno Excellente doesn't exist yet.
Hitman #11 (February 1997)
By Garth Ennis, John McCrea, Carla Feeny, and Willie Schubert
Cover by John McCrea
Edited by Peter Tomasi and Dan Raspler
My whole life I've been considered the loud one. It was always meant as a derogatory critique of the way I unconsciously expressed myself. It wasn't until I met the Non-Certified Spouse and she described me to my friends as "gregarious" did I realize that my loudness wasn't a flaw and an irritant. It was my exuberance and joy in being with and around people I love. While normally I would come off as shy or introverted, taking a back seat to others in most situations, when I was around my people, the people I was entirely comfortable with, I would guffaw and exclaim and talk overly loud in my excitement. Those in the surrounding area would think me a blowhard or a show-off or just a bellowing asshole. But I never cared or noticed until some jerk would later comment on how awfully loud I was or would leave a note on my desk post the office Christmas party hinting that maybe I should drink less. But whoever that asshole at Sidemark was who left that note could get fucked because I wasn't drunk and I drove my VW Bus home after that party. I was simply thrilled and enjoying my time with people whom I had gotten to know well over the year. Just because the higher-ups didn't know me and thought "He must be drinking because I've never seen him this expressive", it didn't mean I was fucking drunk! I was happy and full of joy and I was expressing it! We grow up with enough social inhibitions shoved down our throat over bullshit made-up rules that don't matter. Why would somebody want to make another person feel bad or feel lesser for expressing joy in their shared existence with others?!
What I'm trying to say is that Conservatives suck! The connection between my opening paragraph and that line is obvious enough to me but if you don't see it, maybe re-read the opening paragraph again while constantly thinking, "Conservatives suck!", and maybe you'll get it. If this were a typewritten essay handed in to Dr. Guenter in my Humanities class, he'd have written on it in red pen: "EXPAND ON THIS THOUGHT!" But it's not and I have my degree now so suck it, Dr. Guenter!
No, no! Don't suck it, sir! I really loved you as a professor! I'm sorry!
By Garth Ennis, John McCrea, Carla Feeny, and Willie Schubert
Cover by John McCrea
Edited by Peter Tomasi and Dan Raspler
My whole life I've been considered the loud one. It was always meant as a derogatory critique of the way I unconsciously expressed myself. It wasn't until I met the Non-Certified Spouse and she described me to my friends as "gregarious" did I realize that my loudness wasn't a flaw and an irritant. It was my exuberance and joy in being with and around people I love. While normally I would come off as shy or introverted, taking a back seat to others in most situations, when I was around my people, the people I was entirely comfortable with, I would guffaw and exclaim and talk overly loud in my excitement. Those in the surrounding area would think me a blowhard or a show-off or just a bellowing asshole. But I never cared or noticed until some jerk would later comment on how awfully loud I was or would leave a note on my desk post the office Christmas party hinting that maybe I should drink less. But whoever that asshole at Sidemark was who left that note could get fucked because I wasn't drunk and I drove my VW Bus home after that party. I was simply thrilled and enjoying my time with people whom I had gotten to know well over the year. Just because the higher-ups didn't know me and thought "He must be drinking because I've never seen him this expressive", it didn't mean I was fucking drunk! I was happy and full of joy and I was expressing it! We grow up with enough social inhibitions shoved down our throat over bullshit made-up rules that don't matter. Why would somebody want to make another person feel bad or feel lesser for expressing joy in their shared existence with others?!
What I'm trying to say is that Conservatives suck! The connection between my opening paragraph and that line is obvious enough to me but if you don't see it, maybe re-read the opening paragraph again while constantly thinking, "Conservatives suck!", and maybe you'll get it. If this were a typewritten essay handed in to Dr. Guenter in my Humanities class, he'd have written on it in red pen: "EXPAND ON THIS THOUGHT!" But it's not and I have my degree now so suck it, Dr. Guenter!
No, no! Don't suck it, sir! I really loved you as a professor! I'm sorry!
Kyle always did strike me as an easily manipulated tool of The Man.
The good thing about most easily manipulated tools of The Man is that they're also usually easily reverse manipulated, especially if you can talk to them one-on-one. But that's why most easily manipulated tools online aren't easily reverse manipulated because if you let them know how they're being manipulated, one thousand other easily manipulated tools will chime up to call you a DEMONcRAT or a HiLIARy lover or whatever the fuck stupid expression they've chosen to glom onto at the time because not a single one of them has ever had an original thought or successfully comprehended the world around them.
If you think I'm going especially hard on right wingers today, it's because you've got to point out on the regular how much you despise them so they'll stop enjoying your company which they are absolutely not welcome to enjoy. You've got to let them know they're not welcome here because they're dumb jerks that nobody likes (especially me!). Even the people they're living their life for, doing their own version of Virtue Signaling by praising Jesus or waving an American flag or saying "retard" as often as possible, don't like them. The only reason anybody got angry about people making fun of Charlie Kirk is that they know that's the way people will react to their death. And what scared them even more is that Charlie Kirk was supposedly a major figure in the right wing movement and look how fast everybody forgot about him and everything he said or did! It's like Rush Limbaugh. The only reason anybody talks about either of them is in an effort to appease their own fears. If people can forget these famous conservative asshats immediately, how the fuck do they have a chance at being remembered or loved in death?
Hmm. I didn't mean to imply that Kyle Rayner is conservative! I hope it didn't come across that way. I might not like Kyle Rayner but it's not because his ideas are shitty and unkind and from the stone age! I just don't like him because, um, fuck. I don't really know why! Maybe because he got his ring while pissing in an alley? Is that a thing that happened? I think that's what happened, right?! Also maybe his ideas are shitty and unkind and from the stone age. Why would I know having never read any Kyle Rayner comic books ever?! Stupid drunk alley piss boy. Man, I fucking hate Ganthet!
Tommy spends the first few pages of the comic book making Kyle Rayner look like a stupid asshole. That's not for geniuses like me who already knew he was a stupid asshole. That's for the people who liked him for some reason so they could, possibly, think, "Hmm. I never realized how huge a stupid asshole this stupid asshole was!" I suppose they could also be thinking, "What the fuck?! Kyle Rayner's super duper cool! Garth Ennis can suck my dirty butthole!" That's almost 100% what they thought because if I know one thing about Kyle Rayner fans, it's that they have dirty buttholes. If I know two things about them, it's also that they're stupid assholes!"
Man, I have friends who like Kyle Rayner! I hope they never read this "review"! Or if they do, it helps them to realize they need to wipe better.
If you think I'm going especially hard on right wingers today, it's because you've got to point out on the regular how much you despise them so they'll stop enjoying your company which they are absolutely not welcome to enjoy. You've got to let them know they're not welcome here because they're dumb jerks that nobody likes (especially me!). Even the people they're living their life for, doing their own version of Virtue Signaling by praising Jesus or waving an American flag or saying "retard" as often as possible, don't like them. The only reason anybody got angry about people making fun of Charlie Kirk is that they know that's the way people will react to their death. And what scared them even more is that Charlie Kirk was supposedly a major figure in the right wing movement and look how fast everybody forgot about him and everything he said or did! It's like Rush Limbaugh. The only reason anybody talks about either of them is in an effort to appease their own fears. If people can forget these famous conservative asshats immediately, how the fuck do they have a chance at being remembered or loved in death?
Hmm. I didn't mean to imply that Kyle Rayner is conservative! I hope it didn't come across that way. I might not like Kyle Rayner but it's not because his ideas are shitty and unkind and from the stone age! I just don't like him because, um, fuck. I don't really know why! Maybe because he got his ring while pissing in an alley? Is that a thing that happened? I think that's what happened, right?! Also maybe his ideas are shitty and unkind and from the stone age. Why would I know having never read any Kyle Rayner comic books ever?! Stupid drunk alley piss boy. Man, I fucking hate Ganthet!
Tommy spends the first few pages of the comic book making Kyle Rayner look like a stupid asshole. That's not for geniuses like me who already knew he was a stupid asshole. That's for the people who liked him for some reason so they could, possibly, think, "Hmm. I never realized how huge a stupid asshole this stupid asshole was!" I suppose they could also be thinking, "What the fuck?! Kyle Rayner's super duper cool! Garth Ennis can suck my dirty butthole!" That's almost 100% what they thought because if I know one thing about Kyle Rayner fans, it's that they have dirty buttholes. If I know two things about them, it's also that they're stupid assholes!"
Man, I have friends who like Kyle Rayner! I hope they never read this "review"! Or if they do, it helps them to realize they need to wipe better.
"Doughball" is such a good insult. It's like is he making fun of his mind or his body or both at the same time?!
Mr. Truman and his goon Mr. Feekle have lied to Green Lantern about Tommy's plans so that he'll arrive and arrest Tommy. After that, the cops can kill Tommy and Kyle can be all, "I didn't kill him! I was just manipulated like a stupid asshole to do the dirty work of killers! Ask Batman! He'd understand!" And Batman would knock the reporter's microphone out of his face and be all, "Tommy who? I don't know who you're talking about and he never made me look foolish at all!"
The two fight for awhile like Marvel heroes and then Tommy is all, "Hey, Kyle, knock it off." And Green Lantern is all, "Holy shit how do you know my name!" And then Tommy is all, "It was my mother's name!" And then they cry and hug it out and head over to Noonan's for a few beers.
Or something.
Over those beers, Tommy learns that Kyle is an easily manipulated tool of The Man. Duh!
The two fight for awhile like Marvel heroes and then Tommy is all, "Hey, Kyle, knock it off." And Green Lantern is all, "Holy shit how do you know my name!" And then Tommy is all, "It was my mother's name!" And then they cry and hug it out and head over to Noonan's for a few beers.
Or something.
Over those beers, Tommy learns that Kyle is an easily manipulated tool of The Man. Duh!
I mean, I'd probably be easily manipulated if they sent Dana Scully in to butter me up too.
Tommy lets Truman know that he's still kicking and that maybe they can meet up to talk about that government agency job of his. It's a trap, of course. Truman and Feekle figure as much so they go after some insurance: kidnapping Sean Noonan.
That doesn't work out too well for the agents they send.
Afterward, Noonan gives Tommy a call to let him know that what they thought would happen happened. It's also an opportunity for Garth Ennis to push the violence and humor to the side for a moment to make sure readers remember the third tool in his writing bag: sappy melodramatics!
I don't mean that as an insult! Sappy melodramatics really work in works like this when the humor and violence are over-the-top and extreme. Subtle emotional arcs isn't what's called for after a guy just mows down twenty people with a fucking machine gun.
The Ranking!
I had a few people in my life whom I often thought of as my dad or father figure. None of them were my actual dad. Great story!
I had a few people in my life whom I often thought of as my dad or father figure. None of them were my actual dad. Great story!
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