I didn't even know a series called The Batman Chronicles existed.
The Batman Chronicles #4 (Spring 1996)
"Hitman"
Story By Garth Ennis, John McCrea, Glen Murakami, and Ken Lopez
Cover by Jim Balent and Kelley Jones
Edited by Jordan Gorfinkel and Darren Vincenzo
One-third of this comic book was presented in the 1997 Hitman trade paperback. I went to my local comic book store yesterday when I realized I didn't have Hitman #4 and decided to pick this up as well (I also came home with Planetary Loves Batman: Night on Earth and the 2023 Outsiders #1). So that's actually my scan of the cover! Plus I'll get to read the Robin and the Huntress stories as well! Oh joy.
"Hitman"
Story By Garth Ennis, John McCrea, Glen Murakami, and Ken Lopez
Cover by Jim Balent and Kelley Jones
Edited by Jordan Gorfinkel and Darren Vincenzo
One-third of this comic book was presented in the 1997 Hitman trade paperback. I went to my local comic book store yesterday when I realized I didn't have Hitman #4 and decided to pick this up as well (I also came home with Planetary Loves Batman: Night on Earth and the 2023 Outsiders #1). So that's actually my scan of the cover! Plus I'll get to read the Robin and the Huntress stories as well! Oh joy.
Even if this art wasn't so obviously McCrea, if you asked me who wrote the story that begins like this, 100% I'd say Ennis.
I didn't follow the Contagion story arc back in '96 or the subsequent Cataclysm and No Man's Land. But seeing that Batman's face isn't clean shaven under the mask, I'd have to assume that he's really been going through it lately. That's "Batman's in a big arc" face. Also the gun in his mouth (presumably not held by his own hand because, fucking hell, that's a whole different story). If Batman winds up with some thug's gun in his mouth [I'm using "thug" in the comic book context that we've all grown used to from reading comic books for years and not in the Conservative replacement for the N-word usage] then you know Batman's fucking tired, man. He's at the end of his rope. He's ready to fucking drop. Or, I don't know, he learned a knew League of Assassins move? The Gun Chomp?
The guy holding the gun was after Tommy Monaghan but somehow he wound up with Batman at the end of his barrel. He makes the stereotypical bad guy mistake and, instead of quickly pulling the trigger when he has the chance (had the chance. The fact he didn't pull it as soon as Batman found it in his mouth means Batman regained the upper hand), he decides to describe to Batman how many times he's going to skullfuck his head before cashing it in to the highest paying mob boss.
For those wondering how Batman wound up with a gun in his mouth, the narrative rewinds to six minutes earlier when we meet the Eraserhead baby as an adult.
The guy holding the gun was after Tommy Monaghan but somehow he wound up with Batman at the end of his barrel. He makes the stereotypical bad guy mistake and, instead of quickly pulling the trigger when he has the chance (had the chance. The fact he didn't pull it as soon as Batman found it in his mouth means Batman regained the upper hand), he decides to describe to Batman how many times he's going to skullfuck his head before cashing it in to the highest paying mob boss.
For those wondering how Batman wound up with a gun in his mouth, the narrative rewinds to six minutes earlier when we meet the Eraserhead baby as an adult.
In 1996, you couldn't tell these were bad guys just because they used the R-slur.
Tommy's hunting the retaaarrghh but not out of the goodness of his own heart; he's just doing his job. I don't know why somebody would pay to have the Eraserhead baby killed. Seems cruel especially since it died at the end of the movie. I think. Or did it grow more powerful like Obi Wan? Was it even a baby? What the fuck did I watch all those years ago between Meet the Feebles and Kids?!
Another dude with a gun (the one in Batman's mouth six minutes later) spies Tommy and decides to blow his head off for a cash prize. Does everybody in Gotham walk around with a dollar amount over their head like the health bars of players in an MMO? Batman spies the gun wielding criminals and sighs loud enough for Alfred, back at Wayne Manor, to roll his eyes.
Another dude with a gun (the one in Batman's mouth six minutes later) spies Tommy and decides to blow his head off for a cash prize. Does everybody in Gotham walk around with a dollar amount over their head like the health bars of players in an MMO? Batman spies the gun wielding criminals and sighs loud enough for Alfred, back at Wayne Manor, to roll his eyes.
Do I understand visual comic book cues or what?
According to that bitch-ass sell-out-for-hot-takes punk Malcolm Gladwell, I guess I'm an expert at reading comic books. No way I haven't spent 10,000 hours reading comics. Oh God. OH GOD. WHAT HAVE I DONE WITH THIS SINGULAR, FINITE TIME ON THIS BEAUTIFUL PLANET?!
This is Tommy's first appearance outside of The Demon and Bloodlines/Bloodbath (I think) so he's still casually using his x-ray vision and telepathy. I seem to remember he basically goes months without using his powers in any noticeable way in his regular series because they hurt him to use and, well, the comic isn't about his powers. It's about his ethics and his struggles and his loyalty to his friends and neighborhood and how, even as an assassin, he can garner Superman's respect. But probably not Batman's. Nobody has Batman's respect except Nightwing, Alfred, and Batcow.
Batman tries to sneak up on Hitman and his new friend but Tommy hears somebody thinking about Catwoman's tits and then sees Batman approaching from behind a wall. I'd suggest they all suddenly find themselves in a Mexican Stand-off but I don't think you can have a Mexican Stand-off when Batman's involved. Because Batman is always in control.
We'll get to how Batman winds up with a gun in his mouth but first a word from our sponsors:
This is Tommy's first appearance outside of The Demon and Bloodlines/Bloodbath (I think) so he's still casually using his x-ray vision and telepathy. I seem to remember he basically goes months without using his powers in any noticeable way in his regular series because they hurt him to use and, well, the comic isn't about his powers. It's about his ethics and his struggles and his loyalty to his friends and neighborhood and how, even as an assassin, he can garner Superman's respect. But probably not Batman's. Nobody has Batman's respect except Nightwing, Alfred, and Batcow.
Batman tries to sneak up on Hitman and his new friend but Tommy hears somebody thinking about Catwoman's tits and then sees Batman approaching from behind a wall. I'd suggest they all suddenly find themselves in a Mexican Stand-off but I don't think you can have a Mexican Stand-off when Batman's involved. Because Batman is always in control.
We'll get to how Batman winds up with a gun in his mouth but first a word from our sponsors:
How am I just now, 30 years later, learning about a New Gods series by Rachel Pollack?!
Tommy explains the situation to Batman in a way that would make Batman say, "You're free to go, Tommy Monaghan. Go murder the weird disease spreading government weapon dude before it explodes and spreads more disease everywhere. I, Batman, would never kill it but letting you go to kill it doesn't make its death my responsibility. Still no blood on these hands!" But Tommy knows Batman might still come for him because, you know, all the murder.
You can't have a true Mexican Stand-off if one of the people involved is an absolute imbecile.
Batman thought those thoughts on purpose so that he could force Hitman to stop him from stopping him which Batman doesn't actually want to do because the disease bomb guy needs to die for Gotham's sake. So even though Batman could disarm both Tommy and Eckstein in a matter of seconds, he allows Tommy to find a way to escape. I think he even nods subtly to Tommy's bullshit so that Eckstein finds it easier to buy. The amount of times Batman stops people from being killed in Gotham versus the amount of times Batman doesn't stop Deathstork, Hitman, or Red Hood from killing terrible people in Gotham has to be proof that Batman basically allows anti-heroes to murder in his town as long as they're killing the right people. Maybe he even keeps The Joker alive because The Joker's poisons always somehow kill awful people?! Is that why Joker's still alive?! Did Batman know Jason Todd was a fucking violent prick and needed to die so he let The Joker do it?!
I knew it! The new League of Assassin's move!
Batman just happens to catch up to Tommy just after Tommy shot the government weapon in the head, mortally wounding it. Batman pretends to try to save the creature's life by standing between Tommy's guns and the dying creature but it expires while Batman defends it. Just like Batman knew would happen! As the creature dies, it begins a countdown where it will explode and spread even more disease throughout Gotham. So Tommy burns it up with a white phosphorous grenade and then flees the scene while Batman's vision clears. Batman realizes he needs to help fight the plague so he lets Tommy go. Just like he always lets Red Hood go. Just like he always lets Deathstork go. This motherfucker who doesn't kill is a collaborator and an accomplice! He's like a person who claims they've never killed an animal in their life as they dig into a juicy steak! Sure, okay, whatever. I guess your hands are technically clean?
The Ranking!
I give Batman a hard time about the not killing thing simply because he's so fucking preachy about it! If he was just all, "Look, I don't kill for personal reasons," instead of all, "I don't kill and nobody around me will kill either, so help me Batgod!" If he didn't give so much side-eye to Wonder Woman when she kills a dude, I wouldn't care so much. But the guy scolds people constantly while also not really giving that big of a damn when Damian cuts some evil ninja's head off. It's not the killing versus non-killing that I give any fucks about at all; its the scolding and the self-righteousness! Get over yourself, Batman! Maybe kill one guy just to see what it's like. See if it makes the world better or worse! And don't listen to that pansy-ass Gandalf shit about how we can't give somebody who has died life simply because they didn't deserve to die so why do we think we have the right to take somebody's life whom we think deserves to die? Sure, it saved Middle Earth because nobody was going to have the strength of will to throw the ring into Mount Doom's fire once they were that deep into Mordor. But, I mean, well . . . okay, I'm lying. I'm completely lying! I'm all in on Gandalf's lecture to Frodo about pitying Gollum and letting him live. I'm also all in on Batman not killing! I'm just trying to sound tough and cool and logical! But I'm the guy who wept harder than I've ever wept in my life while watching Pig (I mean other than when one of my own pets died). Although maybe that's not saying much because you probably wouldn't believe how much I cried when I realized what Tim Minchin was doing in the lyrics to "School Song" in Mathilda the Musical!
Oh, um, anyway, what a great story! So fun!
The next two stories are only ten pages long and have nothing to do with Hitman. So let's give them a quick read and get the fuck out of here!
Okay! I read them! Blech! Did people actually enjoy this "Contagion" story arc?! It feels like an excuse to have a bunch of people feel sad because close friends and family were dying. Oh no! One of Huntress's students is dying and Batman told her not to go find them because what can she do once she finds him? That's why he's doing the smart thing and just looking for the cure while he lets people die. Like the Eraserhead baby! And the other story? Oh no! Timothy Drake is dying and having hallucinations of a life where he doesn't have to lie to be Robin! And Alfred is crying! Boo hoo! Double blech! I hated both of those stories!
The Ranking!
I give Batman a hard time about the not killing thing simply because he's so fucking preachy about it! If he was just all, "Look, I don't kill for personal reasons," instead of all, "I don't kill and nobody around me will kill either, so help me Batgod!" If he didn't give so much side-eye to Wonder Woman when she kills a dude, I wouldn't care so much. But the guy scolds people constantly while also not really giving that big of a damn when Damian cuts some evil ninja's head off. It's not the killing versus non-killing that I give any fucks about at all; its the scolding and the self-righteousness! Get over yourself, Batman! Maybe kill one guy just to see what it's like. See if it makes the world better or worse! And don't listen to that pansy-ass Gandalf shit about how we can't give somebody who has died life simply because they didn't deserve to die so why do we think we have the right to take somebody's life whom we think deserves to die? Sure, it saved Middle Earth because nobody was going to have the strength of will to throw the ring into Mount Doom's fire once they were that deep into Mordor. But, I mean, well . . . okay, I'm lying. I'm completely lying! I'm all in on Gandalf's lecture to Frodo about pitying Gollum and letting him live. I'm also all in on Batman not killing! I'm just trying to sound tough and cool and logical! But I'm the guy who wept harder than I've ever wept in my life while watching Pig (I mean other than when one of my own pets died). Although maybe that's not saying much because you probably wouldn't believe how much I cried when I realized what Tim Minchin was doing in the lyrics to "School Song" in Mathilda the Musical!
Oh, um, anyway, what a great story! So fun!
The next two stories are only ten pages long and have nothing to do with Hitman. So let's give them a quick read and get the fuck out of here!
Okay! I read them! Blech! Did people actually enjoy this "Contagion" story arc?! It feels like an excuse to have a bunch of people feel sad because close friends and family were dying. Oh no! One of Huntress's students is dying and Batman told her not to go find them because what can she do once she finds him? That's why he's doing the smart thing and just looking for the cure while he lets people die. Like the Eraserhead baby! And the other story? Oh no! Timothy Drake is dying and having hallucinations of a life where he doesn't have to lie to be Robin! And Alfred is crying! Boo hoo! Double blech! I hated both of those stories!
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