McCrea's Joker looks like the Mawzir wearing clown make-up.
Hitman #2 (June 1996)
By Garth Ennis, John McCrea, Carla Feeny, and Willie Schubert
Cover by John McCrea
Edited by Peter Tomasi and Dan Raspler
At the end of the last issue, Tommy was nabbed by the Gotham Police for defending himself against Batman. Tommy didn't do shit but the Gotham Police, being stupid (you can tell they're stupid because they're police), figured if Batman was fighting him, he must be the bad guy. But Tommy was just saying goodnight to his date when Batman was all, "I heard via gossip from criminals and torture, both of which is notoriously unreliable, that you're going to assassinate The Joker." And even if Tommy did pick up that contract, you can't arrest a guy for not assassinating The Joker. Which he hasn't done yet. Or even attempted to do. Also if you're not a cop and you just run around at night pretending to be a bat, you aren't allowed to arrest people. Or hold them against their will. So when Batman is all, "I am the law!", and Tommy is all, "I'm standing my ground!", you can't seriously blame Tommy for shooting Batman in his bulletproof chest. You also can't prove that Tommy knew Batman's chest was bulletproof but at this point, when Tommy's life feels threatened (and since that's Batman's whole thing, making criminals afraid, you can't argue that Tommy didn't feel his life was threatened!), he kind of has the right to shoot Batman in his stupid face anyway. I guess that would still lead to his arrest if we're supposed to let justice take its course, so I guess I should take back the thing about the police being stupid. But I'm only taking it back for fictional Gotham police! Real police are still stupid. Also, Batman assaults Tommy when Tommy vomits on Batman's shoes and, well, the cops don't fucking arrest Batman! Some people can just legally get away with murder! Literally!
Anyway, what I'm trying to say about the end of the last issue, is that justice was both served and not served in various ways depending on if you're a cool person who gets loads of sex or you're a fascist cop-loving incel piece of shit.
Officer Tiegel shows up for, I think, the first time (at least in this series. For all I fucking know, she could already be an established character in Batman's world) when Batman pleads with her to not arrest Tommy. He fucking begs her! Like a chump!
By Garth Ennis, John McCrea, Carla Feeny, and Willie Schubert
Cover by John McCrea
Edited by Peter Tomasi and Dan Raspler
At the end of the last issue, Tommy was nabbed by the Gotham Police for defending himself against Batman. Tommy didn't do shit but the Gotham Police, being stupid (you can tell they're stupid because they're police), figured if Batman was fighting him, he must be the bad guy. But Tommy was just saying goodnight to his date when Batman was all, "I heard via gossip from criminals and torture, both of which is notoriously unreliable, that you're going to assassinate The Joker." And even if Tommy did pick up that contract, you can't arrest a guy for not assassinating The Joker. Which he hasn't done yet. Or even attempted to do. Also if you're not a cop and you just run around at night pretending to be a bat, you aren't allowed to arrest people. Or hold them against their will. So when Batman is all, "I am the law!", and Tommy is all, "I'm standing my ground!", you can't seriously blame Tommy for shooting Batman in his bulletproof chest. You also can't prove that Tommy knew Batman's chest was bulletproof but at this point, when Tommy's life feels threatened (and since that's Batman's whole thing, making criminals afraid, you can't argue that Tommy didn't feel his life was threatened!), he kind of has the right to shoot Batman in his stupid face anyway. I guess that would still lead to his arrest if we're supposed to let justice take its course, so I guess I should take back the thing about the police being stupid. But I'm only taking it back for fictional Gotham police! Real police are still stupid. Also, Batman assaults Tommy when Tommy vomits on Batman's shoes and, well, the cops don't fucking arrest Batman! Some people can just legally get away with murder! Literally!
Anyway, what I'm trying to say about the end of the last issue, is that justice was both served and not served in various ways depending on if you're a cool person who gets loads of sex or you're a fascist cop-loving incel piece of shit.
Officer Tiegel shows up for, I think, the first time (at least in this series. For all I fucking know, she could already be an established character in Batman's world) when Batman pleads with her to not arrest Tommy. He fucking begs her! Like a chump!
This is one of the most confusing panel layouts I've seen in quite awhile. I think they're supposed to be read in the order I drew the arrows.
Batman prostrates and embarrasses himself in front of Tiegel for no reason at all because Tommy manages to escape from the cops on his own. He uses his telepathy to learn that one cop was fucking the other cop's wife and set them against each other. Surprisingly, the cuckolded cop doesn't blow his partner's face off with his pistol. Sometimes comic books can be so unbelievable. Once the cop knocks out his partner, he goes for Tommy which allows Tommy to escape the squad car and make a run for it. Now Batman's going to owe Tiegel a favor even though she didn't do anything for him! Unless Batman, who wrote the book on technicalities (most of them called, "I Didn't Kill That Henchman I Put in the Hospital Since He Died On the Doctor's Watch and Other Stories of People Dying By Guys Other Than Batman"), will see this as a reason to not owe Tiegel a favor. I'm sure Batman will learn pretty quickly that Tommy can handle himself.
Meanwhile, The Mawzir has arrived in Gotham and is hunting Tommy.
Meanwhile, The Mawzir has arrived in Gotham and is hunting Tommy.
This takes place on page 107 of Hitman #2. What a long comic!
If you're wondering why The Mawzir has a Swastika on his forehead, it's because he was one of the Nazis hanged at the Nuremberg trial. I'm not sure if they ever delve into exactly which one he was but maybe it doesn't matter. Maybe he's a composite of several of them which is why he has so many arms and dicks.
I'm guessing about the dicks but I can't believe that's the satisfied face of a man with just one dick.
Even with the threat of Batman trying to stop him, Tommy decides to go through with his hit on The Joker. Why not? It's the righteous thing to do! Oh, sure, Gandalf would be all, "Blah blah blah can't bring people back to life who didn't deserve to die blah blah blah so you shouldn't do the opposite blah blah blah now get to suckin', Frodo blah blah blah." But I'm all, "You know the fucker's going to kill again and anybody who would take the sin upon themselves of throwing the first stone to stone his motherfuckin' ass is a fuckin' hero no matter what Gandalf and Jesus say!" Jesus basically says everybody deserves a chance to redeem their past actions. But he doesn't explicitly say everybody deserves four thousand chances to redeem their past actions! I bet even Jesus would be all, "Okay, okay," as he takes a hit from his long pipe, "enough already. I give you my blessing to shank that bitch."
Word spreads on the street that Tommy's going into Arkham to put a fucking cap in The Joker's ass so everybody starts throwing jobs at him to murder psychos in Arkham. He's earning a million for The Joker but if he's going to be in the place, why not spread a few bullets around, you know?
Even with all of Gotham knowing Tommy's gonna be assaulting Arkham, he still manages to get inside thanks to his x-ray vision and his telepathy. Even Batman's left holding his dick out in a tree on the perimeter as Tommy strolls through Arkham making a few bucks.
Word spreads on the street that Tommy's going into Arkham to put a fucking cap in The Joker's ass so everybody starts throwing jobs at him to murder psychos in Arkham. He's earning a million for The Joker but if he's going to be in the place, why not spread a few bullets around, you know?
Even with all of Gotham knowing Tommy's gonna be assaulting Arkham, he still manages to get inside thanks to his x-ray vision and his telepathy. Even Batman's left holding his dick out in a tree on the perimeter as Tommy strolls through Arkham making a few bucks.
Normally I'd be against this kind of casual murder but I've been pushed to my limits by the real assholes of the world and now I just picture Tommy doing this in the offices of Fox News and I don't even blink an ethical eye.
Tommy doesn't murder any notable characters but, just to make things exciting, he does knee-cap the Mad Hatter in response to Mad Hatter not paying a debt. That seems fair! I know a few powerful guys who could use a good knee-capping for not paying their debts but I can't say who because I think it's against the law to speculate about somebody knee-capping the U.S. president.
Tommy considers murdering all of Batman's rogues gallery but that would really put a damper on Batman's sales so he just heads right up to The Joker. He shoots the Joker in the head only to watch as The Joker transform into The Mawzir. So that cover actually was kind of a spoiler!
Tommy considers murdering all of Batman's rogues gallery but that would really put a damper on Batman's sales so he just heads right up to The Joker. He shoots the Joker in the head only to watch as The Joker transform into The Mawzir. So that cover actually was kind of a spoiler!
Fucking bad-ass character design. Except for the clown hair.
I don't know what all the Nazis hung at Nuremberg looked like because I ain't a fucking weird little psycho bitch like Todd Bowden from Apt Pupil (and everybody who pays for a Twitter subscription as well, I'm assuming) who has spent any time at all giving a shit about the monsters hanged at the trial but I suspect a number of them were probably balding with that George Costanza look. So it's probably a really specific part of the character design.
The Mawzir blows Tommy away with all of his guns but I guess he doesn't mortally wound him because I just checked this issue and it's definitely #2 and not #60.
The Ranking!
This is only the second issue of this series about a stupid fucking character from Bloodlines which introduced a mass of throw-away characters and it's already become legend just by introducing a naked Nazi demon with ten arms who can't be killed and has a Swastika cut into his forehead while also wearing the greatest cape worn since every single one of Tolkien's characters. Plus Batman's been thrown up on and made to beg and failed to stop Tommy sneaking into Arkham and nobody ever fucking complains about it. I mean, Kevin Smith makes Batman tell a story about how he slightly peed his pants one time because of being too close to an explosion and nobody ever stops talking about that. Which shows why Garth Ennis is such a great comic book writer. Who else could write superhero comic books while making the super heroes look like fucking jokes and yet still amassing tons and tons of super hero loving fans?! He's a fucking God!
The Mawzir blows Tommy away with all of his guns but I guess he doesn't mortally wound him because I just checked this issue and it's definitely #2 and not #60.
The Ranking!
This is only the second issue of this series about a stupid fucking character from Bloodlines which introduced a mass of throw-away characters and it's already become legend just by introducing a naked Nazi demon with ten arms who can't be killed and has a Swastika cut into his forehead while also wearing the greatest cape worn since every single one of Tolkien's characters. Plus Batman's been thrown up on and made to beg and failed to stop Tommy sneaking into Arkham and nobody ever fucking complains about it. I mean, Kevin Smith makes Batman tell a story about how he slightly peed his pants one time because of being too close to an explosion and nobody ever stops talking about that. Which shows why Garth Ennis is such a great comic book writer. Who else could write superhero comic books while making the super heroes look like fucking jokes and yet still amassing tons and tons of super hero loving fans?! He's a fucking God!
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