Green Lantern #11 (April 1991)

This cover acts as if Guy Gardner against the Green Lantern Corps is a surprise.

I understand the interrobang used on the cover is meant to show surprise that another Green Lantern Corps exists and not that Guy Gardner has pissed them off. I'm pretty good at reading comprehension. I'm not bragging. I'm just stating a fact that the United States Educational System proved when I would take standardized tests to rate my reading comprehension and no matter what grade I was in, the test results would be all, "You are basically an 11.9th Grader. And also you are the sexiest third grader in America."

Here's an example of my reading comprehension from 6th Grade and not an example of my ruin everybody's funsion: one time, Stephen Chufaros was ecstatically going around showing everybody the dictionary definition of "fart." Everybody was laughing their butts off because the definition was "an explosion of gas from between the legs." I was all, "Can I see?" And then I read it and told everybody, "Oh, it says an 'expulsion of gas from between the legs which isn't as funny. You are all nitwits." After that, Stephen Chufaros was so unpopular that he never spoke to me again and only spoke to everybody else in class constantly and all the time. Ha ha! Jerk!

Maybe that was less a story about my reading comprehension and more a story about me just being able to fucking read a sentence correctly as opposed to Stephen Chufaros and all the other idiots in Mrs. Singer's class.

The Qwardian who supposedly died from purposeful spontaneous combustion didn't actually die. He just got some first degree burns on his face as punishment for being asked a question. I suppose your face erupting in flames is a surefire (ha ha!) way to stop you from helpfully answering questions unless the actual answer to the question is "Ah! Ah! Ow! My face is burning!" The Qwardians regroup to watch Guy Gardner and see what he does. They speak of their master as their "scarlet liege." That means it's equal chance of their master being either Sinestro or the Scarlet Skier.

That would be awesome if these clowns turned out to be the real Guardians.

Given an infinite amount of time and an infinite amount of space which, luckily, is exactly what are universe is (as far as the people who don't believe in God know, that is. As for the people who believe in God, they fucking believe in God. Why would you care what they know or don't know when their fundamental belief is just so fucking silly?), we have to expect every possible coincidence that could happen as having happened (or going to happen (or will have certainly have going to happen (you know what I mean))). If that theory holds true, aliens that look exactly like Earth clowns need no other explanation than a coincidence in an infinite time-space continuum. If you don't like that theory because I insulted your belief in an infinite magic being (which seems weird that people believe in an infinite magic being but can't believe in infinite space and time, right? One just seems like the status quo but forever; the other seems like something you'd read in your seventh grade boyfriend's Monster Manual), you could argue that the Poglachi's once visited Earth's past, planting the seed of the Clown Archetype into the mind's of men, which is how jesters and clowns and other irritating performers came to be. Or you could just shrug your shoulders and remember this is a fucking comic book written by a convicted sex pest.

A cosmic circus that looks more boring than an Earth circus? If their mission is fun, they're failing miserably.

If these Poglachi are the real Guardians of the Universe, does that mean that maybe Dick Grayson is a Green Lantern? I think that's how you know these guys are lying. If they were telling the truth, Dick would have a Green Lantern ring that he'd be using to make Green Light buttplugs for Babs.

Butt plugs are the most underrated of all sex toys. Go get one! Stick it up there and go about your day! Enjoy life!

The Poglachi declare that they give the rings to the most fun people in the universe so that they can go about teaching everybody else in the universe how to have fun. Which means they'd probably give one to me so I could introduce butt plugs to every cosmic civilization! I might cause a few wars sticking the butt plugs in the wrong holes on some aliens. But you'd have to imagine those would be pretty fucking weird aliens if I shoved a butt plug in their breathing hole. Gross!

Guy tries to force one of the Poglachi back to Oa so the Guardians can set him straight. When Guy gets violent, he's stopped by the Poglachi's Green Lantern Corps (like on the cover!).

Three, possibly four, of these Lanterns look fun. The Poglachi's lies are not holding together.

The Poglachi introduce each of their Green Lantern Corps in a way that somehow explains how they're making the universe a more fun place to live.

“In brightest day, in blackest night, no evil shall escape my sight. Let those who worship evil's might beware my power . . . Green Lantern's fleshlight!”

So giving the ring to a space incel so he can fuck green construct Real Dolls is fun? Sure, I see how it's fun for Hubba-7! But that didn't seem to be what the Poglachi were talking about when they expressed their mission. I suppose they're of the reality television ilk who believe that "inspiration" is some kind of actual purpose instead of just a vague piece of legerdemain to make yourself think you're actually improving the world. "If Hubba-7 got a ring and was able to fuck loads of fake woman then anybody could! It just proves that dreams come true if your dreams are sweaty little pornos that you'd never actually reveal to any other sentient being."

Patine uses the ring to constantly change her appearance. Fun! Thoom and Boom use the rings to beat the shit out of each other. Super fun! Skronk uses the ring to create back issues of rare comic books to add to his collection. Okay, that sounds like fun. Spudd uses the ring to watch old television sitcoms. Fun! For real this time and not sarcastic! These characters are really growing on me! Blorb uses the ring to create art. Unless it just creates flowers and sucks its fingers while looking at the flowers and also I suspect its fingers are actually its dicks.

Inspiring! We all would if we could! The most fun!

Merelda uses her ring to do some light cleaning all over the universe. How is that fun? That's way closer to actual Guardians of the Universe work! And the final member of the Poglachi Green Lantern Corps, the raccoon-looking motherfucker, flies around giving hotfoots to evil-doers. Just as I suspected when looking at him: a true hero of fun!

The Poglachi suggest that Guy would "fit right in with this group" which causes Guy to freak the fuck out because who would want to fit in with these wackos?! Sexless freaks who love comic books and television and trying to suck their own dicks? I mean...I mean...where the fuck is my ring?

Guy Gardner easily defeats all of the Poglachi Green Lanterns, leaving just Merelda. Just as he's about to defeat her, G'nort jumps in to help which allows Merelda to defeat Guy because, well, that's just how things go when you team-up with G'nort. Not that Guy wanted to team up with G'nort. That's just how things go when you don't want to team up with G'nort but he's, like, right there just dying to team up with you.

Guy and G'nort are captured, waking up bound in shackles in the anti-matter universe of Qward!

Good explanation. Terrible phrasing.

Guy and G'nort are taken to the Scarlet Liege to answer all the questions the Qwardians have about Hal Jordan and the new Green Lantern Corps being recruited and the Guardians coming back from their love shack. And the Scarlet Liege is none other than Sinestro! Of course! Why didn't I guess that?! I mean I did guess that. It was so obvious. But there's something weird about him so I don't think "the enemy is Sinestro" is as simple as that sounds.

He's massive now with loads of little Sinestro guys at his beck and call.

Green Lantern #11 Rating: B+. I enjoyed the "fun" Green Lantern Corps but they weren't utilized enough. A quick introduction, quicker defeat, and then it was off to Qward for some answers. No answers yet, of course! There's still one issue left to explain everything. The story began trying to find out how G'nort got his ring and ballooned up to finding out who made these fake rings and who appointed these fake Guardians and who would go through all this trouble making a ridiculous counterfeit Green Lantern Corps and what's their purpose? It seems to be Sinestro and he hates the Green Lanterns enough to try any stupid shit to get them off their game, I guess. But also, Sinestro is supposed to be dead and this Sinestro is weird with all the little flaking off Sinestros and Sinestro being twenty feet tall. This story is fucking weird which means I have no idea what the fuck will happen next issue. At least Guy Gardner was written well this issue. He seems to truly be interested in solving this mystery and stopping these cosmic fraud from continuing. Sure it's for selfish reasons. But the selfish reason is to prove he's the hero the Guardians believe he can be so is that really so selfish? Is it? I really don't know. I dropped out of philosophy because dopes loved answering absurd questions with even more absurd questions! It was like if my Calculus teacher was all, "What's the derivative of this equation?" and one of the students asked back, seriously, "What's the derivative of your mom?" And then another student would be all, "Do moms even exist or is the idea of 'motherhood' just a semantic development projected onto every generation of offspring in their need to survive?" And then another student was all, "Is the 'chalk' really 'writing' on the 'blackboard'?" And then I, trying to keep up, was all, "Why is the 'blackboard' actually 'green'?" And then everybody sneered and spit on my shoes.

Green Lantern #10 (March 1991)

Guy Gardner fucks dogs.

The argument could be made that Guy Gardner fucks alien women who look like dogs. But two things about that: 1. Guy Gardner clearly stated in Issue #5 that he doesn't fuck alien women because they're weird colors; 2. G'nort has consistently been played as being absolutely dog-like in his manner which suggests all beings from G'nort's planet are clearly humanoid dogs. Being that I never took debate, I'm surprised at how easily I'm already seeing points against my conclusions. Sure, these dog women aren't "weird" colors so maybe Guy would like to fuck them. But they are normal dog colors which leads me to suspect Guy is attracted to regular Earth dogs. The argument against my second point could be that no other alien of G'nort's species acts the way G'nort does because he's mentally disabled. These two bitches in the spa with Guy Gardner could be the most eloquent and charming dog ladies anybody has ever met. Also they're naked. Also also Guy is naked. Also also also there is a weird white substance floating around the top of the spa.

The best defense against Guy Gardner fucking dogs is this: "This is only the cover, Tess! Hold your fucking stupid horses you extremist buttfucker! You know how covers often lie!"

I was recently talking to my next door neighbor and the subject of some other tenants in my building came up. He mentioned how loud and vulgar they were and, as a point of clarification to express their vulgarity by repeating something they said, he simply muttered, "Buttfucker." That made me laugh so loud. When is the last time I heard the term "buttfucker" used as an insult?! Junior high?! You need to be an immature virgin or ex-military to think the term "buttfucker" is an insult! Once you're an adult who has never been in the military, if somebody called you a buttfucker, you'd be all, "You know it!" as you tried to conceal your sudden erection!

As evidence that I haven't heard that term used since junior high, I just searched my blog for the word "buttfucker." No results. I rest my case. I am a mature adult buttfucker. If the term had even once been on my mind past junior high, I definitely would have used it. Have you read the other 4,500 entries on this blog?

This issue begins with G'nort singing parody versions of Earth television show themes with Guy's typical reaction.

I'm beginning to rethink my constant defense of Guy Gardner.

Guy Gardner probably doesn't mind punching the dumb space dog in the face because the dumb space dog has a Green Lantern power ring so Guy knows he can't actually hurt him. Guy also probably knows that dogs are so needy and loyal that even if you punch them with a massive green fist made of light, they'll continue to want to be your friend. Poor little loyal doggies! I'm so sad now thinking about asshole dog owners and their dogs who just want to be loved! And I don't even like dogs that much!

Guy gets his first glimpse of G'nort's home planet where one of the continents is shaped like a massive bone. That's too unlikely to be a coincidence therefore, according to the logic of Kirk Cameron and Ray Comfort, a doggie God created this planet for his loyal doggy creations. Also according to the logic of Kirk Cameron and Ray Comfort, I am ignoring all other possible reasons why there is a continent shaped like a bone which would be more reasonable than a magic doggy daddy in the sky.

Evidence for Comics Gaters that they're wrong about their history of comic books via a panel from 1991 where Guy does not say retard like you know every Comics Gater wants him to.

I hesitated to write that caption because I'm not totally convinced that Guy won't utter the word "retarded" sometime during this four issue story arc. If that happens, I'm going to have to apologize to Comics Gaters, admit that they were correct about everything, and become a woman hating asshole on the spot, I guess.

The doggies of G'nort's planet greet him as a hero when he returns. He's more beloved than Guy Gardner. Probably because he tries his best even if he sometimes screws up while Guy Gardner doesn't want to try at all and simply wants to be loved and adored for being the hero that he most obviously isn't. Especially after last issue when he crashed a plane, set a fire in some fictional European DC country that's the last bastion of Communism, and smashed some New Jersey guy's house because he looked, to Guy, like a mobster. That's supervillain shit! Do the Guardians not care that they're sponsoring an Earth supervillain?! Maybe the whole point of this story will be Guy learning a little something about heroism.

Guy seems surprised when all the dog people who act totally like dogs begin sniffing his butt and crotch. Oh, DC doesn't show it that explicitly. But I, an astute reader of fine vintage comic books, understand what Gerard Jones was getting at (even if I hate typing the words "I understand what Gerard Jones was getting at." Please do not take that out of context!). Guy drags off G'nort in an effort to find G'nort's uncle and solve the mystery of how G'nort got his ring.

Now he's abusing G'nort just because he fell for G'nort's dad joke!

Guy Gardner learns that G'nort's uncle, G'newmann (from the planet G'newt), also has a Green Lantern ring. He uses it to make himself rich which, as far as me or Guy or anybody else paying attention to the Guardians of the Universe, seems to be slightly unethical behavior. He also uses it to get laid a lot but that's less ethically dubious because can't it be argued that all Green Lanterns, simply by dint of being heroic figures in the universe, use it to get laid? I don't mean they're all Warren Ellis using their positions to dupe women into lying with them fornically! I just mean they're impressive creatures! And being impressed by somebody sometimes leads to coitus! I should know. This one time, I impressed this girl, and she used one of my friends to get into my bed. See, she gave us both her number but I never called her. My friend Aaron did call her and so she started doing things with him. I believe he thought they were dating but she was just hanging out with him until she wound up around me again. Then she took the opportunity to touch my penis through my jeans. It was pretty exciting! It wasn't until much later that I realized Aaron thought I stole his girlfriend whereas I thought I was just having sex with that woman I impressed (and he knew I'd impressed her too! He said as much that night! He said, "Did you see the way she was looking at you? She couldn't take her eyes off you the entire drive home." That's what he said!) whom I just never called because I had computer games to play. Anyway, sorry, Aaron! I didn't look at the situation through your eyes because I was looking at the situation through my dick's eyes.

Guy's investigation stalls a bit as G'newmann gives him the runaround (which G'nort thoroughly enjoys!). He figures G'newmann will answer his questions eventually so he decides to stay for dinner.

They just served him feces, didn't they? Or vomit.

It's possible they also served him week old roadkill but I suspect Guy would have eaten that. Being served shit causes Guy to freak the fuck out and he threatens G'newmann with even more physical violence than he's been heaping on his nephew. G'newmann caves and gives Guy a mental image of the Guardians that gave him the ring. Guy doesn't recognize them but he knows Jordan will so he seeks out Hal 20 million light years away in his little Green Lantern recruiting bubble apartment. Hal explains to Guy that something has been giving the aliens he encounters a negative view of the Green Lantern Corps. Hal is confused by this but I'm just left thinking, "Maybe they encountered the Green Lantern Corps? They are basically a fascist organization!" Guy doesn't immediately think, "Maybe it's these jerks who have been giving out Green Lantern rings to total idiots!" But once Hal figures out what Guy is up to, I bet he'll put the pieces together.

I think the last time Hal met G'nort, Hal called him an idiot.

Jordan gives Guy detailed directions to the alien race he believes are pretending to be Guardians. As you can see, they're called the Poglachi and they look like clowns. I'm only typing that sentence because it's true. I scanned the previous panel so you didn't think I was making it up. Somebody believing I wrote that, even as facetious crap about a dumb comic book, would ruin my already lackluster reputation. I was so upset by that bit, I almost tore up my comic book immediately. But I desisted because this comic book might be worth two or three bucks.

Gross, guys. Arisia is like fourteen!

Oh double gross. I just remembered Gerard Jones wrote those panels. At least Guy, Hal, and Arisia are fictional characters so, really, I don't care if they have a space threesome. But it would have to be written by somebody other than Gerard Jones. Like Vladimir Nabokov, maybe. Or Stephen King.

The villains behind G'nort's fake power ring seem to be Qwardians. Maybe this adventure is how Guy makes the connections he later uses to get his own Yellow Lantern Ring. Except a fake one that doesn't run on fear because that's not a thing yet. It's just yellow so that he can beat the shit out of Hal Jordan easier.

Guy defeats the Qwardians but he doesn't recognize them immediately and he doesn't have time to question them before they're incinerated by The Red Heat. I guess that's what happens when a Qwardian fails at his job. But at least he's found the Poglachi encampment.

Was Pennywise a Poglachi?

Imagine the first aliens humans came into contact with looked like this. Somebody'd hit one in the face with a cream pie and spray some seltzer on another and they'd fucking decimate us with their clown lasers and balloon soldiers.

Green Lantern #10 Rating: C. Aside from punching a dog multiple times, Guy's characterization wasn't too bad in this one! He sought help from Jordan, he acted like a human being while speaking with Jordan, he begged Jordan for help, he bonded over eye-fucking a minor (oh wait that was part of the bad stuff! Never mind), and he actually said some nice things to G'nort. Those nice things amounted to "I hit you because bros hit each other out of love" so really it wasn't that nice. But G'nort loved it and felt included! So, you know, results matter, I guess. But the alien race of clowns named the Poglachi? Fuck that shit. Fuck it right in a clown's corn hole. Imagine the stupid honking every time you thrust into that festive mess of confetti and lube. You know how clown cars can fit loads of clowns in them? I bet their butts are like that! Except instead of clowns, it's dicks. I'm ending this blog post right now and I swear I am not going to search for clown porn now.

Green Lantern #9 (February 1991)

Now I want to rewatch A Boy and his Dog.

Even though this comic book was called Green Lantern and there are multiple Green Lanterns, I absolutely thought it would fully focus on Hal Jordan. Never being interested in Hal Jordan, I suspect this was the first issue I actually purchased off the rack. Of course a book called Green Lantern doesn't have to just feature Hal Jordan! How limited my scope of thinking used to be and still is and always will be! After Guy's story here, I believe Gerard Jones goes into the pilot for Green Lantern: Mosaic with John Stewart. After that, I suspect it goes all in on Hal Jordan working with the entirely new Green Lantern Corps. If I'm wrong, I don't give a shit. I don't care about being wrong anymore. It's refreshing! You don't waste years of your life insisting you're right simply because our brains are wired to suspect that we're the smartest person in every room and whatever thought your brain can come up with is reality. Once you realize you're constantly wrong about so much in life, it's easy to let your ego slough off like you've taken the exact perfect amount of psychedelic mushrooms. Somebody can point out that you're wrong about something and you don't frenetically start building a castle and moat to prepare your defenses of the most wrong idea you've ever had. The Internet would have far fewer daily confrontations if more people could just allow themselves the room to be wrong.

This reminds me of a comment I once got on a Justice League International comic book. I think it was an annual. Near the beginning of the book, Blue Beetle warps to Reachworld and I surmise that it amounts to nothing and he'll be back because it didn't seem like something that was happening in continuity. By the end of the review, Blue Beetle hadn't returned and I admit my speculation was wrong and that the trip to Reachwold was probably going to be a story in a future issue of Blue Beetle. But some Internet choad who couldn't realize how intentionally biased my reviews are toward things like Lobo and Lobo's crotch and Lobo's pectoral muscles and Guy Gardner got super heated with me about something. I snapped back facetiously because I find getting angry with people you don't know anything about on the Internet funny. And then he rebutted that he can't stand arrogant assholes who think they're right about shit and make up lies about the story when they could have just read the upcoming previews to know that Blue Beetle was going to have an arc on Reachworld. Obviously, the guy was a self-hating arrogant asshole who always thought they were right. But also, did he not read the rest of my review? Could he not comprehend how they're written as I read them by the way I speculate on them as I go? I obviously answered my own question about Reachworld and came to the right conclusion without ever having to read Previews which I never do because I like to fucking approach media ignorant! Fuck that guy! I'm no longer facetiously angry with him! I hate his fucking guts!

Goddammit. That was facetious. But from here on out, let's go back to pretending my anger at stupid comic books and Internet trolls and Scott Lobdell is real. Okay? *wink*

This issue begins with Guy Gardner critiquing the Mad Guardian's kidnapped city choices.

Don't blame the Guardian, Guy! It's boring old Hal and Ollie that took him to these terrible towns.

Rose confronts Guy while he's stealing snacks from the local general store. She doesn't care that he's stealing snacks; she thinks he's stealing Hal Jordan's glory. But Guy helped Hal save, um, whatever the fuck they just helped save. Themselves, I guess. Because all of the alien cities are still stuck on Oa and that was pretty much the extent of the Mad Guardian's plan. Step 1: mind control John Stewart to be his best friend. Step 2: kidnap every city he'd ever been to. Step 3: don't get your ass kicked by Hal Jordan (and, um, Guy Gardner!). See? Hal and Guy really just saved John Stewart when you think about it. Nobody else on the planet is in any better shape than they were before. At least all of the Xudarians were still alive before Hal and Guy and John "saved" everybody.

After meeting Guy Gardner, Rose has the usual feminine reaction to his pure, unadulterated machismo.

At least Rose's son appreciates machismo.

Guy Gardner shows that he's not a total selfish prick when he gives the coffee grounds he stole to John and Hal after he hears them jonesing for some. Does that make Guy the smartest Green Lantern on the planet? Is he the only one that thought, "Hey, the Mad Guardian stole a number of Earth cities. I should get some coffee?" That was a rhetorical question to emphasize that he indeed was the only one who thought that. Hal assumes Guy stole the provisions and, well, Guy did steal the provisions. But I'm sure he could have asked for them as well! He's a space cop! Who's going to refuse to give free shit to a space cop? From what I've seen of Earth cops, they take free shit all the time whether or not the people they're taking it from consent!

The Guardians finish their council and give the good news to Guy: he'll be returning to Earth as the one and only Green Lantern of Sector 2814!

In your stupid smug face, Hal Jordan!

Anybody could have seen this coming from 2.9 million miles away. Anybody but Hal, John, and Guy, I mean. Who would hire Guy Gardner as the recruiting agent for their organization?! First off, you'll never get any women to join. You would think after writing "first off," I'd follow that with a sentence that begins "second off." I thought the first off bit said enough.

See?! I hadn't even read this panel when I made my list of reason why Guy shouldn't be the recruiter!

That wasn't a typo! My list of reasons only had one reason!

Hal takes off on yet another road trip but this one intergalactic and hopefully doesn't end in any holes because the holes in space are super duper dangerous. John remains on Oa to babysit the aliens. And Guy Gardner returns to Earth to find nobody respects him any more than they did before. They all continue to treat him like a joke. Maybe he should have had Hal sign a notarized proclamation that Guy Gardner suffers from brain damage and his rampant terrible attitude should be treated as a disability. He can't help that his personality was changed by a traumatic brain injury! The team cares so little about Guy's brain health that when he banged his head on the underside of the computer console and his personality changed completely to that of an overly polite twat, they celebrated it! I bet Batman studied exactly what happened so that if Guy ever goes crazy the way Hal Jordan soon will he can smash Guy over the head with a skillet in just the right place for Guy to turn nice again.

Since the Justice League don't give a fuck that Guy has gotten a space promotion, Guy decides to announce it to the people of Earth.

Did he steal this speech from A Charlie Brown Christmas?

Halfway through the issue and Guy Gardner hasn't even begun his solo adventure. Unless being ignored by everybody he's trying to impress counts as an adventure. He hasn't even run into G'nort yet.

Guy Gardner flies around destroying as much property as possible in the name of fighting crime. I guess that makes the comic book funny? Ha ha. I'm laughing a lot at the antics of Guy Gardner, Gerard Jones! You have really nailed his heroic attitude of endangering lives and setting fires to communist cities. I just have one small questions: what is the difference between Guy Gardner and a super villain? I don't mean to imply that you've done a terrible job with your writing and your characterization, Gerard Jones! I'm just trying to understand how all of these "heroic" shenanigans don't get Guy Gardner arrested? Is Joe Staton's cartoony artwork supposed to make it so the reader doesn't take any of this destruction seriously?

You know what? Never mind any of that! I'm probably just too stupid to understand the subtleties of making Guy Gardner not just an arrogant prick who does heroic stuff but an outright menace to the people of Earth.

Moving on to something I am smart enough to understand, G'nort arrives! He's a space dog that is also a Green Lantern! He's very funny because he's a dog and also a space police man (but only due to nepotism (which is also very funny! Ha ha!)). G'nort is such a great character that nobody ever complains when he makes an appearance in a comic book.

Punching the dumb dog guy is hilarious! It's like how my grandparents just laughed and laughed when that fat guy with the Hitler mustache constantly bullied that skinny guy in the bow tie!

G'nort mentions the phrase "two Green Lanterns" and "Earth" enough times so even readers as dense as I am understand that Guy Gardner discovering another Green Lantern on Earth is something he can't abide. Also helping paint that picture: the violence!

Guy needs to know why this idiotic creature has a Green Lantern ring so he contacts the Guardians. One of them appears and says, "I have never seen this dog in my life. He isn't one of ours." Guy figures that solves that and the Guardian will take away G'nort's ring but the opposite happens. The Guardian, seeing that G'nort's technology is of a kind that only the Guardians could have made, believes that Guy must discover the mystery of who gave G'nort the ring. Guy isn't a space detective but he's willing to take on this case if it will mean taking the job away from G'nort so Guy can be the only Green Lantern of Sector 2814. Not that G'nort is officially a Green Lantern of Sector 2814. Apparently whoever gave G'nort his ring said he was made a "Green Lantern-at-large." So he gets to go wherever he wants and right now, he wants to be wherever Guy is.

Green Lantern #9 Rating: B-. I hate the way Gerard Jones characterizes Guy Gardner in this issue but what can I do? Guy's a joke to most writers. And this was obviously a bit of a satiric send-up of the character. You can tell because G'nort is also in the issue and Joe Staton is doing the art duties. But I do like that Gerard Jones is going to explain where the fuck G'nort came from! I really don't remember that at all! The only thing I remember about G'nort becoming a Green Lantern was that his uncle had something to do with it. It's sometimes hard to believe that any editors allowed G'nort to become a mainstream character rather than a weird Ambush Bug kind of Green Lantern offshoot. Probably because he's so harmless and also because he's a big fluffy good boy.