This sounds sarcastic.
When I write a passionate opinion online, some people reading that opinion who believe the exact opposite feel personally attacked. They will then drop a comment which personally attacks me and they'd be hard-pressed to see how they're in the wrong in that occasion. But I didn't direct my opinion at them. I didn't say they couldn't have the opposite opinion. But all they see is somebody attacking something they love as if I were purposefully directing the attack at them. But they're wrong. I can hate the thing they love and say it online! What I shouldn't do is seek them out personally and scream that opinion in their face. Which is basically what anybody attacking me in the comments is doing simply because I said something which they disagreed with. I'm only saying all of this to preface this statement: The Global Guardians fucking suck dirty assholes.
You know who else I think is shit? The Legion of Superheroes. Or The Legion of Super-heroes. I don't know which one is correct and I hate them so much that I don't fucking care enough to look it up. Fuck those twats.
Now remember my logic trap! If you disagree and decide to comment here, you're an asshole! Ha ha! Checkmate, motherfuckers!
Why is my brand "turn everybody who might possibly want to read my old-as-shit-fashioned blog against me"? Even I hate myself.
The cover says the art is by Bart Sears so imagine my surprise when I opened it to see this:
You know who else I think is shit? The Legion of Superheroes. Or The Legion of Super-heroes. I don't know which one is correct and I hate them so much that I don't fucking care enough to look it up. Fuck those twats.
Now remember my logic trap! If you disagree and decide to comment here, you're an asshole! Ha ha! Checkmate, motherfuckers!
Why is my brand "turn everybody who might possibly want to read my old-as-shit-fashioned blog against me"? Even I hate myself.
The cover says the art is by Bart Sears so imagine my surprise when I opened it to see this:
Motherfucking Darick Robertson, motherfuckers! Yes!
Look how Darick did Bart Sears' version of Catherine's hair but in an aesthetically pleasing way as opposed to the way Bart did it which didn't please my aesthetics at all. If Darick's version of Catherine's hair were a delicious looking photo of somebody's ravioli dinner presented on a naked pair of tits and posted on Instagram, Bart Sears' version of Catherine's hair is a picture of a naked person lying passed out in the bathroom from food poisoning while the toilet and walls are covered in bloody diarrhea and vomit posted on Rotten.com.
Robertson's work here, early in his career, definitely has an amateurish quality, tending toward the cartoony side of comic book art. In that respect, it might be, on a technical level, a bit worse than Bart's art. But I can't stand Bart's style so much that I'll take an early-foot-in-the-DC-art-door Darick Robertson over Sears any day!
Robertson's work here, early in his career, definitely has an amateurish quality, tending toward the cartoony side of comic book art. In that respect, it might be, on a technical level, a bit worse than Bart's art. But I can't stand Bart's style so much that I'll take an early-foot-in-the-DC-art-door Darick Robertson over Sears any day!
It's got a bit of a "Daniel Clowes but with a colorist" feel to it.
I say "with a colorist" but Captain Atom has the Ghost World color palette down pat. Sue is close but just a little too green. Her tone and levels are spot on though!
I could scan some more panels that would get a Bart Sears' fan to post a comment saying, "You like this shit over the superbly muscled and big-haired Bart women?! You're a fucking pathetic piece of shit, you fuckclown!" But I won't because I don't want anybody to be able to argue that my opinion that Darick's art is better than Bart's may be wrong. No, you know what? I'm all for fairness! Here you go, chumps:
I could scan some more panels that would get a Bart Sears' fan to post a comment saying, "You like this shit over the superbly muscled and big-haired Bart women?! You're a fucking pathetic piece of shit, you fuckclown!" But I won't because I don't want anybody to be able to argue that my opinion that Darick's art is better than Bart's may be wrong. No, you know what? I'm all for fairness! Here you go, chumps:
Ugh, Darick. I feel like I can shit on Darick's early work because I fucking love his art in Transmetropolitan.
Maybe Darick was working from an early version of the script that said, "Page 3, Panel 2. Captain Atom and Catherine have a sneezing fit."
As you can see from the sneezing panel, Captain Atom has received some evidence pointing toward Queen Bee as Max Lord's assassin. But when he demands to go punch her in the face himself, Catherines says, "Achoo!"
Every current member of Justice League International gathers in New York to meet their new interim leader. For some reason, Guy Gardner is also there. Maybe the paper work showing he's been sacked hasn't had time to go through. I guess it doesn't really matter because the new leader—whose name I refuse to learn just for this "Breakdowns" story arc—decides to conduct immediate job interviews to decide who should stay and who should go. He comes up with this idea when he asks about Batman and discovers Batman is on part-time status. I'm pretty sure Batman was the only hero he wanted to meet and now he's punishing the rest of the League.
The new guy fires Captain Atom but keeps the Elongated Man which proves that he is sabotaging the team on purpose. Perhaps Ralph hired him to keep Sue from porking Captain Atom (if she hasn't already?). Captain Atom, having nothing more to do after being fired and having no leash to hold him back, heads to Bialya to punch Queen Bee in the face. But Max's replacement calls ahead to Bialya to let Queen Bee know he's coming and that he's unaffiliated with the United Nations so if he's murdered, it won't cause an international incident. Jack Lantern puts on his murdering foreign invaders gear and comes in his underwear. I dropped the "O" from his name because fuck if I can ever figure out where to put the apostrophe. Jack Lantern sounds more ominous anyway.
Queen Bee actually isn't told about Captain Atom's incipient visit because Harjavti is back. He planted evidence to make it seem as if Queen Bee was behind Maxwell Lord's assassination so that the Justice League and Queen Bee would destroy each other. He's working with Jack Lantern because Jack double crosses everybody all the time. He's two-faced like, um, a Jack O'Lantern? And the rest of the Global Guardians' minds are currently swiss cheese. I think that's different from how their minds normally are. I wouldn't know because I've never read any other comic books starring them because they suck dirty assholes. Did I mention that?
As you can see from the sneezing panel, Captain Atom has received some evidence pointing toward Queen Bee as Max Lord's assassin. But when he demands to go punch her in the face himself, Catherines says, "Achoo!"
Every current member of Justice League International gathers in New York to meet their new interim leader. For some reason, Guy Gardner is also there. Maybe the paper work showing he's been sacked hasn't had time to go through. I guess it doesn't really matter because the new leader—whose name I refuse to learn just for this "Breakdowns" story arc—decides to conduct immediate job interviews to decide who should stay and who should go. He comes up with this idea when he asks about Batman and discovers Batman is on part-time status. I'm pretty sure Batman was the only hero he wanted to meet and now he's punishing the rest of the League.
The new guy fires Captain Atom but keeps the Elongated Man which proves that he is sabotaging the team on purpose. Perhaps Ralph hired him to keep Sue from porking Captain Atom (if she hasn't already?). Captain Atom, having nothing more to do after being fired and having no leash to hold him back, heads to Bialya to punch Queen Bee in the face. But Max's replacement calls ahead to Bialya to let Queen Bee know he's coming and that he's unaffiliated with the United Nations so if he's murdered, it won't cause an international incident. Jack Lantern puts on his murdering foreign invaders gear and comes in his underwear. I dropped the "O" from his name because fuck if I can ever figure out where to put the apostrophe. Jack Lantern sounds more ominous anyway.
Queen Bee actually isn't told about Captain Atom's incipient visit because Harjavti is back. He planted evidence to make it seem as if Queen Bee was behind Maxwell Lord's assassination so that the Justice League and Queen Bee would destroy each other. He's working with Jack Lantern because Jack double crosses everybody all the time. He's two-faced like, um, a Jack O'Lantern? And the rest of the Global Guardians' minds are currently swiss cheese. I think that's different from how their minds normally are. I wouldn't know because I've never read any other comic books starring them because they suck dirty assholes. Did I mention that?
Oh, my mistake. Ralph did get fired. I find that acceptable. This new leader knows what he's doing!
The team won't be much different without Ralph. I mean in a crime fighting sense. The comic book will be a lot different in that it won't constantly make me sick to my stomach having to look at that long neck and think about that nose twitching and constantly visualizing how he splits his dick into two separate rods to fuck Sue in the ass and vagina at the same time. Lucky woman!
That guy in the previous panel with the lavender hair is the new Max Lord whose name I refuse to remember. Darick's basically just drawing Simon Stagg. Maybe Darick refused to learn who the guy was as well and was just all, "He's Simon Stagg, right?"
Kara has her own plan to get things back to normal.
That guy in the previous panel with the lavender hair is the new Max Lord whose name I refuse to remember. Darick's basically just drawing Simon Stagg. Maybe Darick refused to learn who the guy was as well and was just all, "He's Simon Stagg, right?"
Kara has her own plan to get things back to normal.
It doesn't strike me as a bad idea.
Maybe I should be using this guy's name because I think it's a clue about his Nazi background. His name is Rolf Heimlich. One of my favorite German words is "unheimlich" which means "uncanny or weird." In other words, things that aren't like home. So you would think that Heimlich means something like "warm and cozy," or things that are like you'd find at home. But no! Germans are much darker and more disturbing than that! "Heimlich" means "secretly"! So it's more about how things which happen in the home should be kept secret from those not part of the family. That's fucking unheimlich, man! Anyway, this guy's name means "secretly" and he thinks like a fucking Nazi!
Oh boy.
That "rrrrrr" is not Kara's cat purring. Remember the cat had a tiny camera installed in its eye to spy on the Justice League. It was implanted by Metawise, Inc, a corporation which runs a 1-900 number that gives out super hero secrets to C-list villains. Heimlich must have felt he was being watched which is why he stopped himself from using the proper noun he really wanted to use instead of simply repeating "animals." Mr. Bigger of Metawise, sensing something way worse about Heimlich than anything a C-list super villain might be up to, decides to have his company do a deep background check on him. I think we all know what Mr. Bigger's researchers are about to discover.
Captain Atom gets his ass kicked by the Global Guardians but only because there are like twenty of them. Plus instead of blasting them with nuclear blasts because he has no idea which ones would instantly be killed (probably most of them), he just kept asking them, "Who shot Maxwell Lord?" The Guardians take Captain Atom prisoner and Jack Lantern calls up Sue Dibny to let her know that Captain Atom has been taken into Bialyan custody.
Captain Atom gets his ass kicked by the Global Guardians but only because there are like twenty of them. Plus instead of blasting them with nuclear blasts because he has no idea which ones would instantly be killed (probably most of them), he just kept asking them, "Who shot Maxwell Lord?" The Guardians take Captain Atom prisoner and Jack Lantern calls up Sue Dibny to let her know that Captain Atom has been taken into Bialyan custody.
Somebody's jealous!
Justice League Europe #29 Rating: B+. I'm starting to see how "Breakdowns" could have gotten my 19 year old self so excited (although I'd just recently started having sex so probably not that excited). A lot has already begun to happen. Max Lord shot. A new chief (who is probably a literal Nazi) coming in and not only dismantling the team but betraying them to Bialya. Mr. Bigger spying on the Justice League. The Injustice League acting as Max's bodyguards. Captain Atom captured by the Global Guardians who seem to be acting on Rumaan Harjavti's orders instead of Queen Bee's. Sue Dibny worried about Captain Atom fucking Queen Bee. That's a lot to process in just two issues! I only have one question about this story arc so far:
How many molars do people actually have?
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