Do I want to know what Booster Gold was just about to do to Captain Marvel?
I don't want to think that a bunch of rape just happened and a bit more is about to happen but what can I do? I'm a product of my culture! Thanks, patriarchy and growing up in the 80s!
At the end of the last issue, Maxwell Lord IV and Booster Gold managed to break into Justice League Headquarters and not get their asses kicked by Batman. One of those is an impressive feat and the other one is absolutely fucking ludicrous. You can work out which is which because I've done all the math I can for one lifetime. If I have to figure out the volume of a reservoir by derivating the limit to an infinitely small progression one more time, I'll fucking probably get better at math. And who wants that? Also, you might be able to tell by my horrible description of a math problem that my final grade in a math class (Calculus freshman year) was at best a C. I suppose that's what I get for listening to Skid Row tapes on a mono tape player with one ear bud during class.
At the end of the last issue, Maxwell Lord IV and Booster Gold managed to break into Justice League Headquarters and not get their asses kicked by Batman. One of those is an impressive feat and the other one is absolutely fucking ludicrous. You can work out which is which because I've done all the math I can for one lifetime. If I have to figure out the volume of a reservoir by derivating the limit to an infinitely small progression one more time, I'll fucking probably get better at math. And who wants that? Also, you might be able to tell by my horrible description of a math problem that my final grade in a math class (Calculus freshman year) was at best a C. I suppose that's what I get for listening to Skid Row tapes on a mono tape player with one ear bud during class.
The mention of Oreos is the first time I've ever fantasized about being on the Justice League.
For me, J'onn will always be addicted to Oreos and not "Chocos." Stupid fucking Chocos. What the fuck are Chocos?! No way they're better than Oreos, even if they are cartoon food. And you have to admit, cartoon food always looks fucking delicious.
Batman decides the best course of action is to give Maxwell Lord the bat stink eye until he caves and tells them why he's insinuated himself into a position in the Justice League. But Maxwell Lord is all, "I don't take Bat shit from nobody!" That causes Booster Gold to feel uncomfortable, having hitched his star (costume reference!) to a madman, and leave the Justice League Headquarters by the front door. Which is on the side of a mountain. And which has, for security, a couple of pylons with some sort of microwave between them.
Batman decides the best course of action is to give Maxwell Lord the bat stink eye until he caves and tells them why he's insinuated himself into a position in the Justice League. But Maxwell Lord is all, "I don't take Bat shit from nobody!" That causes Booster Gold to feel uncomfortable, having hitched his star (costume reference!) to a madman, and leave the Justice League Headquarters by the front door. Which is on the side of a mountain. And which has, for security, a couple of pylons with some sort of microwave between them.
The days when I would climb to nearly the top of the Redwood trees in my elementary school are far behind me but I'm still pretty sure I could hop that white pylon.
The Royal Flush Gang (in disguise!) short out the fence because they can't be bothered to hop over when nobody is looking. The fence shorting out cuts the power to the entire headquarters which might seem like a flaw but who am I to say? Batman works in mysterious ways! It's probably meant to kill all the power so that everybody knows the fence was shorted out and somebody not powerful enough to hop or fly over has just broken in!
In the dark, Guy Gardner makes Batman ears with his fingers and Batman gets pissed. I don't know why either of those things happen! I get Guy Gardner is a jerk but why make fake bat ears in the dark?! He's Batman! You know he can see you! Also, um, why do it in the first place?! What kind of an insult is that?!
Booster Gold follows the Royal Flush Gang and finds them hiding behind some rocks getting into their costumes. It's not as sexy as "people getting undressed to get into a different outfit" might suggest to perverted peepers like me. I meant like you. It basically amounts to them taking off their overcoats, putting white powder on their faces, slipping on the domino masks, and throwing crowns on some of their heads. Also there are only four of them so it's the worst Royal Flush I've ever seen. I guess Ace will stop by later to make me think about terrible things like previously mentioned.
To stop the battle getting out of control and possibly killing some of the nearby press (even if Batman wouldn't give a shit about that), Batman turns on a gigantic force field bubble surrounding Justice League Headquarters Mountain. Well, at least that's something. Four issues in and while it seems like the Justice League saved the day once, they really only saved the day from Maxwell Lord's fake terrorist situation and now they're battling villains whose sole purpose is to target the Justice League. Seems like they're shaping up to be about on par with the New Teen Titans.
Batman tells the League to stand down while Booster fights the Royal Flush Gang alone. I guess this is his real interview for the League. He defeats Queen, King, Jack, and Ten pretty handily but even so, if I were Batman, I'd pass on Booster as a member because he tells a lot of really lame jokes during the fight. And the League already has Blue Beetle for that role.
And then Ace shows up.
In the dark, Guy Gardner makes Batman ears with his fingers and Batman gets pissed. I don't know why either of those things happen! I get Guy Gardner is a jerk but why make fake bat ears in the dark?! He's Batman! You know he can see you! Also, um, why do it in the first place?! What kind of an insult is that?!
Booster Gold follows the Royal Flush Gang and finds them hiding behind some rocks getting into their costumes. It's not as sexy as "people getting undressed to get into a different outfit" might suggest to perverted peepers like me. I meant like you. It basically amounts to them taking off their overcoats, putting white powder on their faces, slipping on the domino masks, and throwing crowns on some of their heads. Also there are only four of them so it's the worst Royal Flush I've ever seen. I guess Ace will stop by later to make me think about terrible things like previously mentioned.
To stop the battle getting out of control and possibly killing some of the nearby press (even if Batman wouldn't give a shit about that), Batman turns on a gigantic force field bubble surrounding Justice League Headquarters Mountain. Well, at least that's something. Four issues in and while it seems like the Justice League saved the day once, they really only saved the day from Maxwell Lord's fake terrorist situation and now they're battling villains whose sole purpose is to target the Justice League. Seems like they're shaping up to be about on par with the New Teen Titans.
Batman tells the League to stand down while Booster fights the Royal Flush Gang alone. I guess this is his real interview for the League. He defeats Queen, King, Jack, and Ten pretty handily but even so, if I were Batman, I'd pass on Booster as a member because he tells a lot of really lame jokes during the fight. And the League already has Blue Beetle for that role.
And then Ace shows up.
Booster Gold now knows which way Ace dresses.
Ace is a robot so he might not have a penis. Although I've never seen an image that says "I am a man with a gigantic penis and you will rue the day you met me!" than that previous scan.
If Ace is a robot and he's programmed to defeat every member of the Justice League, does that mean he's Amazo? I suppose it means he's going to be defeated by Booster Gold or Doctor Light, since whoever programmed him didn't know they were on the Justice League. Like that moment in The Return of the King when that lich lord guy is all, "No man can defeat me!" And then the knight takes off her helmet and her glasses and her hair tie and she's all, "I'm no man nor librarian! I'm a woman and an object of lust!" Then she kills him and Aragorn falls in love with her. Meanwhile Frodo is showing her panties to the other hobbits so they think he scored.
Ace defeats everybody but Batman, Booster Gold, and Blue Beetle. He doesn't defeat Blue Beetle because Blue Beetle knows better than to try to fight him. And he doesn't defeat Batman because he doesn't get a chance before Booster Gold picks him up and tosses him toward the Justice League Force Bubble. Beetle unplugs it and plugs it back in just in time to cut the robot in half! Spectacular! What a ploy! I wonder if they would have done that with a living being?! Probably.
In the end, Booster Gold is asked to join and Maxwell Lord takes it upon himself to become the press liaison of the Justice League. Batman isn't happy. He's so not happy that he's probably going to sock Guy Gardner in the jaw next issue.
Justice League #4 Rating: B-. The jokes were all terrible. Except the joke where Booster described everybody's dialogue as terrible because that's a great J.M. DeMatteis self-own! Some writers aren't aware when they're writing terribly. But Giffen and DeMatteis know when they're writing terribly and then refuse to write better. They just make a joke about how bad their writing is and move on. I have to admire that level of laziness in your craft!
If Ace is a robot and he's programmed to defeat every member of the Justice League, does that mean he's Amazo? I suppose it means he's going to be defeated by Booster Gold or Doctor Light, since whoever programmed him didn't know they were on the Justice League. Like that moment in The Return of the King when that lich lord guy is all, "No man can defeat me!" And then the knight takes off her helmet and her glasses and her hair tie and she's all, "I'm no man nor librarian! I'm a woman and an object of lust!" Then she kills him and Aragorn falls in love with her. Meanwhile Frodo is showing her panties to the other hobbits so they think he scored.
Ace defeats everybody but Batman, Booster Gold, and Blue Beetle. He doesn't defeat Blue Beetle because Blue Beetle knows better than to try to fight him. And he doesn't defeat Batman because he doesn't get a chance before Booster Gold picks him up and tosses him toward the Justice League Force Bubble. Beetle unplugs it and plugs it back in just in time to cut the robot in half! Spectacular! What a ploy! I wonder if they would have done that with a living being?! Probably.
In the end, Booster Gold is asked to join and Maxwell Lord takes it upon himself to become the press liaison of the Justice League. Batman isn't happy. He's so not happy that he's probably going to sock Guy Gardner in the jaw next issue.
Justice League #4 Rating: B-. The jokes were all terrible. Except the joke where Booster described everybody's dialogue as terrible because that's a great J.M. DeMatteis self-own! Some writers aren't aware when they're writing terribly. But Giffen and DeMatteis know when they're writing terribly and then refuse to write better. They just make a joke about how bad their writing is and move on. I have to admire that level of laziness in your craft!
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