I sincerely thought the Ultra-humanite story was over last issue.
I guess when you break a guy's nose in comic books, he doesn't know to stay down. I've never broken my nose. I've never broken any bone in my body! Although I've had some truly horrific accidents while biking down mountains and some seriously close shaves that probably caused half of my timeline other selves' stories to end. But just like the Ultra-humanite, I have continued to force my story past the logical conclusion! Everything after 37 has really just been gilding the lily. Euphemistically, I mean. The lily is my penis.
While I've got you here, you should check out my book reviews too!
You might be thinking, "What happened to Pickle Boy? Is this Pickle Boy?" Well, it isn't Pickle Boy and he's being punished for hijacking my blog and lying about my having killed myself. Why would anybody believe that kind of nonsense?! I'm into suicidal ideation not actual suicide! Sheesh!
On a separate topic, does anybody know how to get toxic sludge out of your hair?
While I've got you here, you should check out my book reviews too!
You might be thinking, "What happened to Pickle Boy? Is this Pickle Boy?" Well, it isn't Pickle Boy and he's being punished for hijacking my blog and lying about my having killed myself. Why would anybody believe that kind of nonsense?! I'm into suicidal ideation not actual suicide! Sheesh!
On a separate topic, does anybody know how to get toxic sludge out of your hair?
Did he though? He just looked like he always looked: nerdy.
Don't you hate it when, at the first sign of physical injury, the genie that used your body as its home immediately begins hitting up a new potential body to inhabit? I wouldn't begin planning the funeral as soon as one of my loved ones was hauled away in an ambulance. Mostly because I hate planning things. It's so much work. I'm sure my sister could do it.
How did we not know Alan was gay? Only a queen can throw this kind of subtly devastating shade.
If you weren't following me on Alan's shade, it was leaving the "Ultra" out of "Ultra-humanite." It seems obvious to me but you can never tell what people on the Internet are going to purposefully misunderstand in pursuit of their own agendas!
Ultra-Humanite, having only received the slightest of broken noses, orders his men and animal-men to attack the Justice Society.
Ultra-Humanite, having only received the slightest of broken noses, orders his men and animal-men to attack the Justice Society.
Asks the guy who loves to shit in people's mouths.
The way The Atom hesitates while asking the question in the previous panel shows he understands the irony of the question.
Alan's face is engulfed by a half-man, half-dragon which causes his construct to disappear. Probably because he loses concentration and not because his face is covered. I didn't mean to suggest that Green Lantern's constructs obey the laws of toddler Peek-a-boo. When this happens, Jesse falls out of the sky and is caught by Wally West. Jay watches and thinks, "Oh, to be in my twenties again!" And then as Wally and Jesse are introducing themselves, he's all, "You two can flirt later!" It's almost as if this old guy only sees Jesse as somebody's romantic interest. That's a well written old white male!
Jesse Quick says the speed formula, 3X2(9YZ)4A, and turns into a naked red blur. What kind of formula is this? What do the variables represent? Why isn't there a right side to the equation? Does this possibly replace a variable in the speed formula of s=d/t? Oh shit. Sorry. I forgot I was reading a comic book! Never mind.
The Ultra-Humanite's hybrid army gets routed by a super hero force containing three speedsters. But he doesn't realize there's no better hand in super hero poker (aside from maybe four speedsters? I guess a speedster flush and a speedster straight and a speedster full house too. But now I've let the reality of poker rules ruin my stupid joke), so he goes all in by summoning a giant version of his old ape self. I guess if you want to defeat three super quick and agile heroes, it's time to call in the huge, bumbling, slothful giant monkey.
For being on the cover, the giant ape spends more panels on its back defeated than actually battling the JSA. The only casualty on the good side is Wildcat blowing out his knee by simply standing around and existing as an old person. Seriously, it sucks. The body can just go fuck itself sometimes. I mean, I wish it could. But I guess that's why manual stimulation is so popular.
Meanwhile, Hourman goes to an AA meeting because he was addicted to Miraclo. Now he's found out his son Rex has cancer due to taking Miraclo. I bet it was developed by Monsanto. Can I say that without getting sued? Not that I care. Fuck Monsanto. Who could have guessed that a corporation whose name is a cross of Monster and Giganto would be evil?! Not like my new company, Murdatan. Our company motto is "I'd kill to get a chance to sell my soul to Murdatan!" Our product is none of your business.
After leaving the Ultra-humanite's fate to the police (along with a folder full of evidence of Ultragen's crimes), the JSA visit Johnny Thunder in the hospital. He tells them what he's been up to so that they can have a plot point to work on next issue. He's discovered that the Bahdnesian people are missing from their island! For everybody thinking "Who?" and "What the fuck?" and "I don't really give a shit about the JSA. Why would I care about the Bottlenesions?", they're Johnny's genie's people. And I guess they need to be found for some reason? I guess it's good that somebody somewhere cares what happens to the local populace of a place that's suddenly gentrified (even if it is only a fictional character from a comic book published in 1992). Because you certainly aren't going to find anybody like that in Portland, Oregon.
Justice Society of America #5 Rating: B. The Ultra-Humanite's story was over last issue. This issue just detailed his story's death throes so that the artist could draw a giant ape, I guess. It wasn't worth it at all. But it was better than the other half of the comic book where a bunch of old men crowd into a hospital room to visit another old man. My favorite part was where Wildcat and The Atom's dialogue bubbles were mixed up so that it looked like that they enjoy role playing each other in conversation.
Alan's face is engulfed by a half-man, half-dragon which causes his construct to disappear. Probably because he loses concentration and not because his face is covered. I didn't mean to suggest that Green Lantern's constructs obey the laws of toddler Peek-a-boo. When this happens, Jesse falls out of the sky and is caught by Wally West. Jay watches and thinks, "Oh, to be in my twenties again!" And then as Wally and Jesse are introducing themselves, he's all, "You two can flirt later!" It's almost as if this old guy only sees Jesse as somebody's romantic interest. That's a well written old white male!
Jesse Quick says the speed formula, 3X2(9YZ)4A, and turns into a naked red blur. What kind of formula is this? What do the variables represent? Why isn't there a right side to the equation? Does this possibly replace a variable in the speed formula of s=d/t? Oh shit. Sorry. I forgot I was reading a comic book! Never mind.
The Ultra-Humanite's hybrid army gets routed by a super hero force containing three speedsters. But he doesn't realize there's no better hand in super hero poker (aside from maybe four speedsters? I guess a speedster flush and a speedster straight and a speedster full house too. But now I've let the reality of poker rules ruin my stupid joke), so he goes all in by summoning a giant version of his old ape self. I guess if you want to defeat three super quick and agile heroes, it's time to call in the huge, bumbling, slothful giant monkey.
For being on the cover, the giant ape spends more panels on its back defeated than actually battling the JSA. The only casualty on the good side is Wildcat blowing out his knee by simply standing around and existing as an old person. Seriously, it sucks. The body can just go fuck itself sometimes. I mean, I wish it could. But I guess that's why manual stimulation is so popular.
Meanwhile, Hourman goes to an AA meeting because he was addicted to Miraclo. Now he's found out his son Rex has cancer due to taking Miraclo. I bet it was developed by Monsanto. Can I say that without getting sued? Not that I care. Fuck Monsanto. Who could have guessed that a corporation whose name is a cross of Monster and Giganto would be evil?! Not like my new company, Murdatan. Our company motto is "I'd kill to get a chance to sell my soul to Murdatan!" Our product is none of your business.
After leaving the Ultra-humanite's fate to the police (along with a folder full of evidence of Ultragen's crimes), the JSA visit Johnny Thunder in the hospital. He tells them what he's been up to so that they can have a plot point to work on next issue. He's discovered that the Bahdnesian people are missing from their island! For everybody thinking "Who?" and "What the fuck?" and "I don't really give a shit about the JSA. Why would I care about the Bottlenesions?", they're Johnny's genie's people. And I guess they need to be found for some reason? I guess it's good that somebody somewhere cares what happens to the local populace of a place that's suddenly gentrified (even if it is only a fictional character from a comic book published in 1992). Because you certainly aren't going to find anybody like that in Portland, Oregon.
Justice Society of America #5 Rating: B. The Ultra-Humanite's story was over last issue. This issue just detailed his story's death throes so that the artist could draw a giant ape, I guess. It wasn't worth it at all. But it was better than the other half of the comic book where a bunch of old men crowd into a hospital room to visit another old man. My favorite part was where Wildcat and The Atom's dialogue bubbles were mixed up so that it looked like that they enjoy role playing each other in conversation.
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