Friday, April 19, 2013

Batman and Red Robin #19

I really thought it was going to be Batcow.

This issue begins with sassy, perky Carrie Kelley delivering porn to Damian. But Damian is dead so Alfred ends up with it and Bruce becomes concerned that his ten year old son was dealing with a sexy community college girl. Also, it may not have been porn. But it was $1000 for five discs of "Playhouse 90 Kinescope". That sure sounds like porn to me!

Whatever it was, Bruce wants to know somebody that knew Damian in a different way than he knew Damian. A very different way. Hopefully a different way? Anyway, he goes out to pay her a visit and the $1000 Damian owed on the discs.

Okay, I'm over Damian.

Bruce Wayne kind of freaks out a bit at this young girl dressed as his son who answers the door. Instead of finding out about her or paying her bill, he just turns around and gets back in the car and tells Alfred to get them the fuck out of there. Meanwhile, Carrie is yelling out of the window wondering where Damian is. Doesn't she watch TMZ? I'm sure TMZ would have aired the story about billionaire Bruce Wayne's son getting killed in a tandem bicycle accident with Robin the Boy Wonder.

Batman finally does the sane thing and goes insane. He's decided to find Frankenstein, Agent of S.H.A.D.E., kidnap him, and, I presume, find out the secret of bringing life back to the dead. His search for Frankenstein leaves him out of touch with Alfred for long enough that Alfred becomes concerned and contacts Tim Drake to maybe go track him down.

Batman and Frankenstein have a reasonable discussion about the ramifications of resurrection on the human condition.

Or as reasonable as a monster like Batman can manage.

Red Robin eventually finds Dr. Batmanstein holed up in Castle Frankenstein in the arctic. He's begun dissecting Frankenstein so that he can figure out how resurrection works. Even with whatever knowledge Frankenstein has and even though it might be blasphemy to say this about the Goddamned Batman, I don't think Bruce has the scientific knowledge to reverse engineer life from unlife. Although maybe with Tim Drake acting as Igor, they can figure it out!

Although for my money, I'd just go back and offer the Robin job to Carrie Kelley. The Robin suit finally looked good on someone!

Yeah but do you want your son looking like a stitched up bag of luggage the color of cat vomit? There are so many other resurrection options open to you in the DCnU!

Red Robin decides it's time to get into a fist fight with Batman because Tim Drake apparently isn't as smart as everybody thinks he is. He also claims that Batman can't bring Damian back. But is Tim living in the same universe that Bruce is? Obviously people come back from the dead in this world. It happens all of the time, especially in the pages of the Suicide Squad. So let Batman exhaust his options because he just might stumble upon one that works.

Frank's head tells Batman that he's allowed him to dissect him to see how wrong it would be to turn Damian into a Monster like this. But Batman isn't listening to anybody anymore. He's crazed and desperate. So Red Robin remotely fires the lasers on his jet to destroy all of the equipment in Doctor Batmanstein's lab. Batman isn't exactly thrilled.

He should kill Tim too. Once he figures out the secret of resurrecting someone, he can bring Tim back too.

Batman takes off to figure something else out while Frank whines about needing to be stitched back together. Can't he do it himself?

Batman and Red Robin #19 Rating: No change. I don't imagine we'll be seeing much of Carrie Kelley any time soon. She just seemed a character thrown in as a nice twist for the cover. But you never know now that she's out there.

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