Tuesday, October 18, 2016

Future Quest #4

"By the power of...oh wait! That's not a Hanna-Barbera cartoon!

The Review!
More characters are added to the story in this story about five billion characters. The most important character is Omnikron! He's the big all-powerful alien who has exploded all over Earth and across all time. So now the other four billion, nine hundred ninety nine million, nine hundred ninety nine thousand, nine hundred ninety nine characters are searching for the Bits of Omnikron. Some of those characters are the bad guys and some of them are the good guys! Some new characters introduced this issue who I'll totally forget about by next issue? Mightor! He's a famous caveman. Ug! He's a not as famous Neanderthal! Todd Messick! He's some kid or something. He's probably annoying. I get that feeling because he sees a dinosaur and totally knows it by name. Nerd. Then there's Kim Conroy who is into robots and artificial intelligence because she's Asian. Her son, Buzz, has a robot friend named Frankenstein Junior. Last of all but sexily not least, there's Jade X. I think she was already introduced in that story where she was trying to fuck Birdfuckingman but--as you can tell by his name--he wasn't all that into her. She's a bad guy who does freelance work for bad guys! But since she's freelance, that probably means she'll switch sides when she falls in love with somebody on the good side.

I get the feeling this comic book was written for people in their mid-fifties who are just enjoying every new character being introduced so they can get a huge hit of nostalgia and scream, "Oh shit! I remember that idiot!" I don't recognize a lot of these characters. I mean, Birdfuckingman, of course, because he was a lawyer with his own show for awhile. And I recognize Space Ghost because he had that talk show. And I recognize Jonny Quest even though I hate him. And I recognized the Herculoids because I loved that cartoon when I was a kid. But most of the others, I don't recognize or remember!

Not much happens here except for all that introducing I mentioned earlier that caused all of those older people's boners and lady lubrication, if any of them are still capable of that kind of good time. Who can tell?!

The Ranking!
No change! Four issues in and still no Blue Falcon and Dynomutt! Introducing those characters is about the only chance of me popping a boner and/or excreting lady lubrication! Mostly, this comic book has yet to give me any justification for why I'm paying $3.99 a month for it! I mean, Jonny Quest hasn't even died yet! Come on!

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