Convergence: The Atom #2

I said everything I had to say about Steve Dillon's artwork last commentary.

Last issue ended with Ray Palmer surprised to find that Ryan Choi has been living inside of his hand for the last year. That has to be sort of embarrassing, right? Hopefully he couldn't see out somehow and just thought Ray Palmer went on the lake in his rowboat a lot. Especially in the morning right after he woke up. Or in the shower. Or in a public bathroom stall in the middle of the day after seeing some nipples poking out of a particularly lovely sweater.

During that year, Ryan was able to communicate with Ray in such a way that Ray thought he was going crazy. Apparently Ryan was able to say everything except "Hello, Ray! This is Ryan Choi! I seem to be lodged in your right hand! Could you please masturbate with your left one until we can puzzle out this dilemma?"

Ray and Ryan don't have much time to figure out how this insanity happened because Ray's foe, Barracuda, isn't as dead or knocked out as he seemed to be at the end of last issue. Barracuda is back up on his flippity floppity feet and trying to kill Ray.

No, I'm looking through you and Ray finds you intangible. You are, indeed, a ghost, sir.

Ryan says that when he was murdered, he made a connection to "that other place." Ray guesses Ryan means heaven but Ryan says, "Ray. Physics." I don't know what that means! Does Ryan mean he's in the Anti-Matter Universe and the portal is in the palm of Ray Palmer's hand? See? Palmer? It's a clue!

Ryan only needs a tiny of a fraction of his brain power to beat up Barracuda, so while he does that, he's also thinking about Ryan's riddle.

I guess it's not the Anti-Matter Universe so much as the Extra-Matter Universe.

Ray decides that Ryan deserves a chance to live again. Ryan is all, "No! No! I've enjoyed living my life in the shadow of a white man!" And Ray is all, "No! I will not be a party to this injustice! I've been so gross and problematic this last year! You will be more than just an extension of me! You will be more than my right hand Asian sidekick!" Ray then tells Ryan to get ready because he's about to have a body!

Whoops! Ryan has been living in the other hand! You should have told him the plan was to get inside the hand he hasn't been getting into for the last year! Idiot!

Hopefully Ryan can reform Ray's hand into the shape of a man because life is going to be really awkward as a disembodied hand.

Ryan can and does! It's impressive! No, wait. I meant it's gross and disgusting. Ray's thumb becomes Ryan's head! I hope Deathstroke kills him again because I'll never be able to take Ryan Choi seriously. Ray probably used him to wipe his ass! Ryan's head has probably been inside Jean Loring's asshole!

What's wrong with being a cynic?!

Ryan enters one of Barracuda's pores and does something medical to him so that he can't polish his trident anymore. That's enough for the Atoms to declare victory and be teleported back to Gotham where their real opponent awaits: Deathstroke!

Ray wakes up in the hospital to find there's been no sign of Ryan Choi. But his hand is still missing which means that Ryan is still out there somewhere! Unless it was all a psychotic delusion and Ray sacrificed his hand for a hallucination. Although that's just what Tom Peyer wants us readers to think, the tricksy devil! Ryan has probably been down at the YMCA showering nonstop trying to get the smell of Ray's cock and balls off of himself.

Later, Deathstroke decides sneaking into a hospital room and murdering Ray Palmer in a backless gown is the fairest fight he'd like to get into at his age.

Get it?! Unarmed man?! Ha ha! Good one, Ray!

Ryan hops out of Ray's Shrinking Belt because he was lying in wait all this time! He knew Deathstroke would try to kill Ray! Somehow! Probably because he read the script beforehand. Hee hee. Before"hand"!

Speaking of hands, Ryan uses his new control over the Extra-Matter Universe to redistribute some of Deathstroke's mass to Ray Palmer. Ray gets his hand back and Deathstroke becomes...well, probably the biggest laughingstock at the Mercenary Ball.

His cock is going to look huuuuuuuge!

I suppose Deathstroke is placed in Arkham Asylum after this encounter because he's probably insane now and he probably has a new, wackier name like Tiny-Hand-Stroke. Ryan and Ray go off to start a Chuck E. Cheese. And that's it!

Convergence: The Atom #2 Rating: Surprise! Ryan Choi is alive again! Of course he's alive in a universe that no longer exists, so does it really matter? I still think seven of the worlds in this tournament are going to be moved to the seven question mark planets in The Multiversity Guidebook. So DC will once more have the Pre-crisis universe of Earths One and Two, the Post Zero Hour Universe, and the Pre-Flashpoint Universe. That leaves three extra worlds plus Telos. Maybe they'll save those for the next crisis that kills The New 52.

Divergence: Green Lantern
"'Renegade'! Beginning a new chapter in Hal Jordan's life as he becomes the universe's most wanted outlaw."

Just because Hal beat the shit out of Kilowog and stole one of the most powerful weapons in the universe, he's got to be labeled a bad guy? That doesn't seem cool. I suppose I'm going to have to buy into the conceit that Hal has turned himself into a martyr to preserve the Green Lantern Corps dignity and the respect the rest of the universe has for them. Or once had for them. Or will once again have had again.

That space cop from a recent Green Lantern, the one that totally disrespected Hal, has found Hal loitering in the orbit of his planet once again. This time he's bound to teach Hal a lesson and arrest him. He'll be a huge big shot in at least one, maybe two billionths of a sector. Hal turns it around on the guy and kidnaps him to Hal's ship, the Darlene. I bet he was a huge fan of Roseanne.

Be here next month for Green Lantern: Wiseguy!

Hal dumps the Chief in space and takes off. But he does leave the Chief with a beacon and a space suit so he can be rescued as soon as Hal is out of the Sector. And then Hal is off to continue his undercover work across the universe in his spaceship named Darlene! Yeee-haw!