Sunday, June 23, 2013

Wonder Woman #21

It's only a slight matter of chance that you're reading this right now. Not this commentary. The entire blog. When I first created Eee! Tess Ate Chai Tea, I only did so because of the name. I posted a few lame entries here and there but didn't do anything with it. That doesn't have anything to do with what I was about to say. So, when I really got back into blogging, I was planning on creating an Aubrey Plaza Shrine and Stalking Site. It was simply going to be creepy pictures of Aubrey's face taped onto photos with me in them. But then either I thought better of it or I received a note from my future self telling me that the Aubrey Plaza Shrine didn't turn out so hot and maybe I should look into that whole DC New 52 thing to temper my obsession. And what do you know? My future self got me back into comics.

Unless my future self only sent that note back because the Aubrey Plaza Shrine worked and he met her and they fell in love and the selfish bastard didn't want to share her with me! Well, I'll show him! The stupid bastard forgot that anything I do to myself now, he'll have to live with! What's the quickest way to develop kidney stones?

Anyway, instead of writing about how adorable Aubrey was in Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, I guess I'll write about Wonder Woman today.

Getting back into the story, Wonder Woman was busy fighting Artemis while Hera, Zola, Lennox, and Zeke tried to make a run for it. They didn't get very far before they were stopped by The First Born and Cassandra. There's enough family drama to allow Zola and Zeke to make yet another run for it! This buys everybody enough time so that Wonder Woman can save the day. Or at least save a couple of minutes since I don't think The First Born is going to be a pushover.

Oh my god! Remember how cute Wonder Woman was in Mystery Team?!

While Wonder Woman battles The First Born, Cassandra chases down Zola. I think I use that sentence structure too much. While this, that. I wonder if Aubrey likes that sentence structure? Maybe it can be a secret message from me to Aubrey. Every time I use it, she'll realize I'm thinking of her. See? I just thought of her!

Wonder Woman and The First Born and Lennox beat each other up for a bit but The First Born eventually gets the upper hand. It wouldn't be a comic book if the hero didn't appear to be completely down and out at some point.

Trust me: Cliff Chiang's Wonder Woman looks amazing underneath Aubrey's amazing looks.

Orion BOOM TUBES into the battle and begins going toe to toe with The First Born. I don't  remember if Orion is Darkseid's First Born. But it would make sense if he was! It would be like an even match or something. Orion is simply happy to be able to unleash his full fury on something other than a baby.

Meanwhile, Zeke has defeated Cassandra with his little round Orphan Annie Eyes. I don't know exactly what Zeke's power is but it seems to be knocking women out with his baby blues. They're not quite as stunning as Aubrey's velvet browns but that's to be expected being that the baby isn't adorable like Aubrey is.

Orion's Boom Scooter goes to fetch Zola and Zeke to keep them safe by BOOM TUBING them back to Apokolips. Hmm, that doesn't sound very safe so maybe he BOOM TUBED them somewhere else. Like the local Dairy Queen.

But before the destination of the BOOM TUBE is revealed, the entrance of the BOOM TUBE has to close. The First Born is holding it open so Lennox drop kicks him in the face and Lennox and The First Born wind up back where they started while the others end up on board some kind of star ship. Perhaps it's Captain Cosmic's starship and they'll all get to meet T2T!

Except it isn't. It also isn't Aubrey's apartment. It's New Genesis and everybody gets to meet Highfather!

Wonder Woman #21 Rating: +1 Ranking. I'm glad Orion didn't take getting his balls squeezed personally. I know I never have. The reason I'm glad is because now everybody is on New Genesis and we get to see The New 52 New Genesis! Now excuse me while I go marathon some Parks and Recreation for the rest of the day. Again.

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