Wednesday, June 26, 2013

New Guardians #21

Anybody else suddenly have Snow White on their mind?

I guess Kyle's father turned out to be a boring asshole because immediately after having dinner with him for the first time in twenty-something years, Kyle's decided to head into deep space on a fantasy adventure. I take it he's the burglar.

Kyle Rayner has been chosen by the Bohemian Guardians to be their guide on a Magic Bus trip across the universe. Hopefully when they take off from Oa, Kyle will fly them off in a white light bus with "Furthur" tagged on the front.

You're already making the same mistakes simply by believing that the universe needs to be policed!

What is wrong with these Guardians? Bohemian or Corporate, they're all the same. Why do they have to be in control? I suppose giving an honest and brave native of a planet a weapon to fight cosmic invaders could be a good thing. That would enable every planet the ability to protect itself from serious universal threats. But that's not what they do! Instead, they give a weapon to two beings per infinite sector (since I imagine the sectors continue out to infinity in a cone or wedge shape from Oa) to protect the entire sector. They also simply give rings to people who can overcome great fear. I suppose there are lower protocols that try to choose honest people as well. But I don't think it matters much since, according to Guy Gardner's old history, rings even give up from choosing the intended target if the target is too far away! Lazy fucking rings. After the Guardians miserly give out these two rings, they then demand the new Green Lanterns follow their orders and fight the fights they want them to fight. And then most of those threats have been creations of the Guardians or other Lantern Corps! The whole system is fucked up and needs an overhaul and I think it's going to take a bit more than an acid fueled road trip across the universe.

Kyle might be thinking some of the same things I'm thinking because he declines the job of tour guide. But Hal Jordan thinks he should reconsider.

Hal Jordan refusing to fight an ally? This truly is a brand new era for Green Lantern!

I had a visceral reaction to that first panel. That image of Hal Jordan really touched me. It brought back memories of the Green Lantern I first knew as a young boy and I suddenly realized why I'm always so hard on Hal Jordan. He fucking disappointed me. He dropped the ball. He became a villain and a dick and a failure and I guess I never forgave him. I missed his return in the 00s, so I can't speak to how he was during his comeback. But I've been bitter and spiteful toward him and I think it's time to forgive him. This is the first scene I've read in a long while that has left me liking Hal Jordan. And he just looks like a fucking hero in that first panel.

Hal accompanies Kyle out into space to beat up on some Space Sharks.

It looks like they're organic creatures modified into space ships. So there must be an alien race called the R'hemmorah who pilot them.

They battle Space Sharks while discussing Kyle's possible gig as parole office for the Bohemian Guardians. Hal doesn't trust them and he needs Kyle to keep an eye on them and protect the Corps from them if they should begin acting like the Corporate Guradians. I enjoy comic book scenes like this where two of the most powerful people in the universe aren't very concerned with the physical battle around them. The real problem is a philosophical one that they're trying to talk out. Obviously this scene isn't about Kyle and Hal trying to save the world from these Space Sharks. Still, it gets old seeing the most powerful characters in the DC Universe being beaten down time after time only to rise up and overcome. The physical threats they face should be their least concerns. Like Superman saving the astronauts and trying to disable the satellite's reactor in Superman Unchained, those are the threats that should challenge them. Trying to stop the threat to innocents. Let's see more of Superman not just beating down the next Doomsday type alien when it comes to Metropolis but Superman finding a way to not destroy Metropolis while battling the creature. That's the difficult part.

Kyle tells Hal he'll think about it and then goes back to Earth to think about it.

The Bohemian Guardians would love a lava lamp!

Kyle doesn't hit on Carol when he finds out she and Hal broke up. Instead he flies out to the edge of the Omniverse with the six dwarfs to investigate some thing called The Anomaly! Dozens of ships from around the universe have gathered around The Anomaly, including the tree rocket from Saga. The Anomaly simply looks like a massively massive wad of chewing gum. Or a space tumor.

Kyle wonders what it is and one of the Bohemian Guardians tells Kyle that the Guardians don't guess. They either know or they don't know. Which is kind of stupid since one of the main ways to figures stuff out in science is to guess! Sure, it's educated guesses based on previous observations of things. They're called hypotheses! And this Bohemian Guardian has one so he's just being a dick face when he first answers Kyle. I thought I might like the Bohemian Guardians better but they're not starting out on the right foot. Or the wrong foot. Or any fucking foot. Stupid bastards.

So, the Guardian's hypothesis is that it's the universe's reaction to a piece of the old universe remaining behind. As Kyle calls it, a cyst. That's a really good analogy, Kyle! Now they just have to pop it! Or leave it alone. I don't think they can remove it because there's nowhere to remove it to. Oh, maybe a black hole!

What to do with it may end up being a moot point since a crazy alien named Exeter guards The Anomaly and will not let anybody near it. Is this the same Exeter from Mork and Mindy? He really was a fucking alien!

I like this guy!

The Bohemian Guardians ignore Exeter's will and simply fly across the boundary commanding Kyle to deal with the alien. They really are arrogant pricks, aren't they? At least Kyle tries to talk with the alien as he manages to keep it from killing the Bohemian Guardians. Rayner's use of his power ring while battling Exeter sets off a chain reaction which causes the cyst to burst, releasing its physics-flawed piece of the previous universe. Not that the previous universe's physics were flawed. But they were probably different than his universe's physics. Which means the creature released from the cyst is going to warp all kinds of reality and cause all kinds of trouble.


New Guardians #21 Rating: +3 Ranking. Characters actually acted reasonable in this thing! Holy shit, Justin Jordan. I've been unsure what to think of Jordan so far because he had to take over that trainwreck Deathstroke and didn't really do much with it. And Team 7 was all over the place although, I suppose, it was meant to be another 90s style comic which I can't stand. So I couldn't judge there either. But this issue was really fucking good. How's that for a review? "Really fucking good!" -- Eee! Tess Ate Chai Tea! DC, you can use that for your New Guardians' Trade Paperback advert in a few months.

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