Detective Comics #21

I'm surprised Batman hasn't accidentally hung himself already.

Perhaps this issue will create that moment, that special spark, that will make Justice League of America #5 more believable when Batman comes swinging in to avenge Catwoman's fourth death. Too bad it won't be Ann Nocenti writing that moment. Maybe I could learn the names of some rare sex positions and why they were named the way they were and how dangerous they are and when they were invented and how they've evolved over time and how many penguins are involved.

Speaking of penguins and sex, there was a trivia video game back in the late eighties or early nineties that asked the question, "How many times a year does a penguin have sex?" The answer was one and a bunch of us said, "Aww! That must suck!" And my friend Carlos said, "That's more than me!" He was the most honest one of us. Although to be fair, I was counting masturbation!

Last issue, the woman with the arms came to Gotham and noticed how Bruce Wayne had made something of himself. I had no idea who she was. It turns out she's the girl he was falling in love with back in Detective Comics #0. Bruce thought she was dead after he inadvertently helped her and/or her lover kill the man he was training with. I don't remember the specifics! Maybe I should simply say she's one of Bruce Wayne's ex-lovers and leave it at that. That's really all the reason she needs to want him dead.

The heart of the story begins with a diplomatic function being held at Wayne Tower. Some important person is visiting Gotham and Batman wants to make sure that this important person doesn't wind up dead. Batman is busy handling the obvious troublemakers while the real assassin is looking conspicuous loitering at the base of Wayne Tower. Luckily Harper is hanging around outside trying to get her ass into a Robin costume and she notices the woman in the white dress snooping around.

On second thought, maybe Batman had better hurry the fuck back.

And he does! Batman crashes his Batplane into the office without accidentally killing everybody. He also thinks, "Not my preferred way of making an entrance." Oh, bullshit! Any time Batman gets to crash through a window or a wall or the wall of a window factory, he gets an uncomfortable claustrophobic feeling in his armored underwear.

I also realized, just now, that I should probably have taken a closer look at the cover. You stick a woman in tight fitting leather and then wrap her around Batman and I simply assume it's Catwoman! Jason Fabok obviously realized people would be confused since, on closer inspection, I see he placed strands of Harper's blue and pink hair whipping about from under the costume. Some Master Comic Book Reader I am!

Batman tells Harper that she'll never be Robin because Robin is dead and not even DC's regular comic book readers believe Harper will ever get the job so she might as well just get the fuck out of the building. So she does but she's not giving up! She'll be Robin as sure as Harvest is Vampire Tim Drake from the future!

Batman gets a tingle of recognition in his man parts and asks this woman who she is. She replies, "Penumbra!" That's a pretty clever name since "penumbra" means "almost a bra" which totally describes her outfit!

If she's one with the shadows, why caller herself "nearly shadow"? I think she lacks confidence.

Meanwhile Harper goes back to the job she was supposed to be paying attention to before she decided she was Strider reborn. Or born? Or unfictionalized? Whatever! Shut up! The thing she was doing was taking care of the spotlights for the big event. She turns the spotlights on the fourteenth floor of Wayne Tower where Batman is battling Penumbra. I wonder if all the stomping and battling is keeping the Court of Owls awake as they try to sleep on the 13th and a half floor.

The spotlight removes Penumbra's shadow power because light destroys shadow. Or light creates shadow. Or light has an ambiguous relationship with shadow, anyway. Once the shadow power is gone, Batman recognizes the woman before him as Mio, the woman he fell in love with in the Himalayas who ultimately betrayed him. He speaks her name and she seems to recognize herself again for one brief second before she steps out of the window and plummets toward the ground. But being nearly a shadow, she simply disappears before she hits the ground. At least that's how Officer Strode tells it to Batman! Officer Strode is one of two Gotham Police Officers that think Batman is good for the city!

Afterward, Batman gives back all of the ghetto crime-fighting tools he took from Harper to keep her out of trouble. Maybe he figures she'll stop trying to become his sidekick if she has her own identity and his okay to run around Gotham like a lunatic. I hope she doesn't take a Bat name! Unless it's Bat Guano!

Back in the Himalayas, Penumbra is being punished for being a crapassassin. Looks like Ra's al Ghul is finally going to make a comeback in The New 52 after being punked out by his daughter over in Batman Incorporated. Although Batman Incorporated sort of has a half-assed relationship to the New 52 Universe, so Ra's has probably already forgotten that that was a part of his story. I wonder if Ra's al Ghul has enough Lazurus water coursing through his veins that he'd be able to bring Damian back to life merely by pissing on his grave?

The back-up story is about Man-bat. Man-bat may or may not or may possibly have or have not killed a transient. But the most important part of the story is the part about the Venomized dogs running around Gotham that Man-bat is putting a stop to because Batman didn't give a shit that they got away. I'm glad this story is tying up that loose end because I was really worried for all of Gotham's children with those dogs on the loose. Fucking Batman. I guess since there was no money to be made on real estate by stopping the dogs, he just let them go. Because letting them go might terrorize enough people in the neighborhood that they'll want to move and sell their houses for way under market price! Which would give Bruce Wayne a chance to buy up another district of Gotham!

The Man-bat story also mentions stories from the other Batman titles, so I think this story is simply an advert couched in a Man-bat story. "Hey everybody! Check out the other exciting stories going on in the other Batman titles! Yay!"

Detective Comics #21 Rating: No change. I didn't learn anything new about Alfred Pennyworth or Batcow in this comic book, so it wasn't very interesting. I'm not sure why Ra's al Ghul is trying to kill Bruce Wayne again. Wasn't he over that? Is he pissed because of whatever Bruce Wayne's Batman Incorporated did to Talia at the end of Batman Incorporated which won't happen for a few more issues? Also, I don't care about Kirk Langstrom's guilty conscience over something he probably didn't do anyway.