Sunday, November 4, 2012

The Fury of Firestorm #13

Hopefully Dan Jurgens received the memo that this comic book is a Teen Romance.

For awhile, I thought the romance between Jason Rusch and Ronnie Raymond was just a joke I was making. And then I believed they really were having a romance but the writers were being really subtle about it. And then the Zero Issue had them finally merge like the original Firestorm and it did it while Narration Boxing wedding vows! So I wasn't being sly and edgy and funny at all. The book really is a teen romance!

And I love it for that!

I don't think Jurgens got the memo that Ronnie's mom is a racist dirtbag!

Okay, maybe I made that up about Ronnie's mom. Maybe! It seemed like it could have gone that way for awhile but then she met Jason's one-armed dad and it seemed there might have been a little fire there. And now they're pretty familiar with each other because their kids were involved in that Firestorm project together. And now they keep skipping out on school events because they're seriously involved with each other. And their parents, Al and Joanne, seem to be fine with it! If a little confused.

"It's gay teenagers."

The boys are missing their school conferences because they're battling some gigantic robot attacking a nearby air force base. But it seems to be immune to the Firestorm Transmutation Power. Or maybe Ronnie Raymond is just doing it wrong since that was never his specialty. The robot tosses them into a grounded fighter jet, destroying it. This pisses off the base commander, General Eiling. Oh no! Not him!

In all my excitement about how well Jason and Ronnie were getting along, I'd forgotten the spoiler I'd heard about this issue. Until now. We're gonna have a shitty guest star!

The robot eventually retreats from the battle and doody-headed Ronnie Raymond believes they defeated it. But the robot heads back to its secret base with all of the data it's collected from the fight. Someone is learning about Firestorm and I doubt it's for a good cause. While the robot is downloading its data, Ronnie and Jason make it back to school a bit late.

Jason is still wearing panties?

Later that evening while Tonya and Ronnie are working on a school report, some thugs break into STAR Labs. They set off the alarm on purpose. Apparently Jason, being the complete and utter nerd that he is, has a STAR Labs Scanner in his house because when he hears the news, he rushes right over to merge with Ronnie. Right in front of Tonya!

The gay sex sound effect is awfully close to the vagina exploding sound effect.

The jerks breaking in to STAR Labs are working for the same people that sent the data collecting robot after them earlier. They're testing Firestorm in the same way Deathstroke was tested by Zealot and the Omega Men. Someone likes what they see and wants Firestorm for reasons that won't be explained until next issue. And the mystery man (it's Captain Atom's crippled genius scientist!) wants him even after Skull Crusher, Black Star, and Relay seemingly defeat him. And Captain Atom (probably) is looking on from the moon declaring that he must return! Why? Isn't the moon nice this time of year? You spent so long pouting only to come to the conclusion that you must leave the human race and now a few months later, you're already ready to return? Fine! Just don't be written by J.T. Krul.

I guess Relay has Gaydar. Also, Dan Jurgens seems to think Jason's disembodied head is actually a ghost head floating nearby observing the action instead of just thinking inside Ronnie's mind while using Ronnie's body.

The Fury of Firestorm: The Nuclear Men #13 Rating: +2 Ranking. I'm just super happy the romance is continuing even though Ronnie keeps trying to pretend he likes girls and Jason is keeping Tonya by his side as his beard. But I gave he comic an extra boost in the rankings not because the action part of the story was very good (it was just mediocre) but because Ronnie's mom and Jason's dad have begun dating!

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