Saturday, November 17, 2012

Grifter #14

Silly Grifter. Who brings a knife to a Midnighter fight?

Last issue, Grifter stole some information from Stormwatch's Eye of the Storm Headquarters. In the process, he defeated Apollo and Midnighter single-handedly. But Midnighter recovered to pursue Grifter and get a rematch here in this issue.

This issue had better be two panels long. Midnighter hitting Grifter and Grifter's head exploding. The end. Comic book cancelled.

Grifter and Midnighter wind up in a desert after teleporting from the Eye of the Storm. I hope it's the Gobi Desert for my own personal reasons and interests. Although it doesn't look like it. It'll probably end up being the Sahara. Why is that desert so popular? It's a fucking whore is what.

I guess the sand is too hot. So Grifter will be jumping around like this all issue.

I might not know what the fuck Grifter is up to in this panel that may or may not have been photoshopped, but I have learned exactly one thing so far: Marat Mychaels can draw fingers literally one trillion times better than Rob Liefeld. Now, you may think I'm using literally incorrectly here and I'm using it to exaggerate the truth while making it still sound like I'm telling the truth. But I am telling the truth! If Rob Liefeld's finger drawing were rated 1 on a scale of 1 to 3 trillion (and I'm being generous here!), then Marat Mychael's fingers score a 3 trillion. See? Literally 3 trillion times better. It's a very touchy scale which is why it needs 3 trillion points of comparison.

Although judging by the size of his sun, they didn't teleport to Earth. Or maybe Marat Mychael's just can't draw a sun the way he can draw fingers.

Apollo, Charlie, and The Engineer realize that Midnighter and Grifter are going to simply keep telporting to various points on the globe because Grifter impregnated Charlie with a virus to fuck up its teleport mechanism. Why did Grifter do this? Who cares.

It looks like Marat Mychaels spent all of his skill points on drawing fingers because he definitely doesn't know how to draw The Engineer. Yuck!

From the desert, Grifter and Midnighter end up in the ocean with a shark about to eat them. Here's Marat's shark.

Why does DC hate Grifter fans?

Just before the shark eats them or they drown, Midnighter and Grifter teleport again. Fuck me, this is so exciting. It's the best idea for a comic book ever. Please let it go on all twenty pages. They end up in front of a train on a trestle and dive for cover.

That's something Apollo has never heard Midnighter say ever.

After falling from the trestle, the two combatants end up in the streets of Tokyo.

Apparently Marat Mychaels believes cavemen populate Tokyo.

Let me guess. They're going to teleport again. Where haven't they found themselves yet? Snow. Jungle. War torn area. Bordello. Stockyard. Kindergarten playground.

And they never will find themselves in any of those places because Charlie fixes his teleportation system and teleports Midnighter back to the Eye of the Storm. And just when Grifter was beginning to believe he could win the fight. Sure you could, Grifter. We'll give you this one because it's your own title and it's already headed for the trash heap. Charlie teleports Grifter somewhere else and says what DC, the creative team, and every fucking intellectually honest reader of this comic book has been thinking for the last year.

Fuck I hope he's better written wherever DC decides to stick his ass when this title is cancelled.

Grifter ends up deep within Belle Reve prison confronting Amanda Waller and Deadshot. Amanda already recognized Grifter's hacking work on her systems from earlier because she spent so much time on Team Seven with him and he wasn't the hacker but, hey, whatever. Too bad nobody is going to be given authorization to kill this guy in his final issue. Maybe King Shark will simply bite off Grifter's hands so Grifter has to use his telekinetic powers to shoot his guns and wipe his ass from now on.

Grifter #14 Rating: -1 Ranking. The story was boring. The art was bad. The fight between Grifter and Midnighter was barely even a fight. It was a lot of interruptions with Grifter Narration Boxing how he actually had a chance to defeat Midnighter. But then editorial probably said Grifter was in no way allowed to defeat Midnighter ever again so they get separated instead of having a satisfying conclusion to the conflict where nobody at all is satisfied.

No comments:

Post a Comment