Deathstroke #4

This cover seems awfully familiar, Mister Bisley.

Have I not been guessing what was in that briefcase all this time? I really don't even know where to begin. But then it hit me. I bet it's comic books! Underground comic books poking fun at the aging Deathstroke still trying to make it in the super power hitman game! Or maybe it's just naked pictures of him at the Y.

All it's going to take to get out of these restraints is one paper clip held in the mouth.

Oh no! What is this?! Deathstroke has been caught and is in prison! I guess all of those naysayers and the briefcase were right! He's just an old has-been. Of course, the warden acts all smug and patronizing about having Deathstroke in his prison. But too bad he decided to save money and cut corners on restraint costs! "Oh, just get the really cheap one that looks really good but has that flaw where a paper clip poked into a small hole just beneath the perp's chin will make the whole thing crumble to the ground! Seriously, what are the odds someone is going to be arrested with a paperclip in their mouth!?"

Interesting Fact: On the Death Star, a Code Six meant an X-Wing was in the trench.

Deathstroke vomits up a grenade, shoves it in the warden's mouth, and blows him to pieces. The explosion also give Slade his way out. Deathstroke successfully killed his man! Issue over by page five! That was quick!

Turns out he's on a plane telling this story to Christoph so that Christoph can write up a press release for Hitmen Weekly. Deathstroke needs to make sure the story is spun correctly so all those mean kids stop picking on him. Then he tells Christoph to take a vacation while he parachutes out of the plane. Is that how he leaves all planes? Now I know why landed on the Batjet back in The Dark Knight comic!

Deathstroke takes a little time off as well. His hands are shaky and it seems like the briefcase may have been on to something. Perhaps his enhancements or his healing power is breaking down.

Super heroes don't get old! They just shuffle off to Earth-2!

Also, we finally get to see what's in the briefcase:

Hunh?

This reference to Grant and Ravager really shook some cobwebs loose from the memory vaults. All I had was an inkling of this Ravager guy being Slade's kid and going up against the Titans. I remembered Jericho and Rose but had completely forgotten about Grant! So I did an internet search on "Ravager" and "Jericho" at the same time, believing that Ravager must have had some interaction with the Titans during Jericho's stint with the team. But I was wrong about that. This was from the Teen Titans series before the one with Jericho.

Nightwing was still Robin when Grant died! And that's probably Beast Boy, not Changeling!

I don't know why this is evidence that Deathstroke's ability has slipped. Perhaps Slade was supposed have killed Grant. I would go reread this story line but I left all of my old Teen Titans comics at my mom's house when I grew up and became a man! I also left my Team Titans and the original Deathstroke series! And a bunch more as well.

Deathstroke's weapon's tech, Peabody, did the analysis on the mask and blood. He determined that the blood was fresh and Grant was still alive. And that this might be a ransom and not a slight. I still don't know how it would be a slight. I think Deathstroke was probably supposed to have killed his own son. If he failed, that's the only way this would ruin his reputation. While speaking with Peabody, they determine their best lead is to check out the Blackhawks. Maybe that's why there were cancelled? Deathstroke is going to kill them all!

Why is there a body hanging in Deathstroke's hideout? Who is he? MYSTERY!

One of the Blackhawks is named Laszlo although he now goes by Attila. I guess some bad blood exists between Slade and Laszlo. Again, not much is explained. But Deathstroke sets up a fake meet with him to try and figure out what's going on with this Grant stuff.

And since Laszlo is a Blackhawk, he has to be flying a plane when he and Deathstroke meet up or else he's just lost 95% of his interest factor. Deathstroke arrives flying in some kind of heavy metal baby carrier. And even though he's up against an airplane, he's still using his sword! And he chops off one of its wings in mid-flight!

It's believable because of the way he's bracing his arm with his other hand!

Once Deathstroke and Laszlo get on the ground, Slade realizes this wasn't a lead at all. The Blackhawks were just tracing the Nth Metal and Peabody's involvement in selling it. Ravager's mask was made out of Nth Metal. I guess it's more widespread than just inside Hawkman's body.

While Deathstroke tals with Laszlo, Christoph is busy being stabbed through the left eye by the same guy who did the same thing to Elmer the philanthropist. This mystery man also uses Ravager's blade from the briefcase (the case was sitting open next to Christoph). Christoph does recognize the man, though. So it could be Grant. And the stabbing people in the left eye also points to it being the person who put out Deathstroke's right eye. Was that Grant who did that? I can't recall how he lost his eye so I'll look it up!

Oh, turns out his wife shot him in the face. Typical! Unless she had man hands, Christoph's killer probably wasn't Adeline. But it might still be Grant!

Deathstroke #3

Why introduce a guy in Deathstroke? Must be a throwaway character.

See?! This happens on Page Three!

Deathstork Deathstroke kills this Legacy guy on page three which means this Legacy guy must be legion. Not a super hero or a futuristic super group! Just a whole mess of guys in purple and green suits named Legacy. Slade comes to the conclusion that Legacy was just an amateur trying to make a name for himself. But Deathstroke's handler or agent or butler Christoph is worried that more and more skilled killers are going to be after Deathstroke. Either for big cash or big rep.

And just to be sure the reader is having a tough time figuring out if Slade is a killer with a conscious or just the best mercenary there is, his first mission is to kill a guy trying to make the world a better place.

Unless the guy really does turn out to be doing evil, wicked, naughty things with those weapons.

Slade drives a snowmobile right into the fortress like grounds of Elmer the philanthropist. And he immediately begins killing dozens of innocent guards. You know, Deathstroke is really trying his hardest not to be likable. Killing his whole team. Starting a gigantic fight on the freeway causing injury and suffering to dozens of people on the way home from work. And now killing a bunch of union security guards that most likely have no skill with any weapon at all. Maybe they can hit a target on a piece of paper at the range. But they have no chance against Slade. So Deathstroke goes about killing them trying to force Elmer to come out. And then Deathstroke runs into another Legacy.

This guy has a passing resemblance to Ambush Bug.

While Deathstroke is fighting Legacy, some other guy never shown on panel is busy killing Elmer. The does call himself no one, though. So he might be the same guy that's over in Batman and Robin. Or he could have really meant he was no one.

Before Slade cuts Legacy's head off, he has to listen to Legacy jabber on about how he's actually the first Legacy and was enhanced since their last tussle. Deathstork Deathstroke brings Legacy's head back as a trophy or maybe just to stop Legacy's head from being enhanced after he finds Elmer has already been killed by someone else. I mean no one else.

The stupid idiot has an Inferiority Complex.

Deathstroke is just a big punk asshole. And this issue lost all of the fun. The problem with writing an evil or amoral character is making him likable. Or at least making him entertaining enough that the reader doesn't care if he's cutting people in half every other panel. But Deathstroke was just violent and boring this issue. That's too bad, Slade! You better pick up the humor next episode!

Oh yeah. I should probably mention. The final pages give Legacy's origin. The parents of Lovetap or whatever the name of the girl in Harmory was have been paying meta-humans to kill Deathstroke because he killed their daughter. They're offering each person 20 million dollars if they succeed. And they'll keep doing it until one of them does. I think the idiots taking this offer are, well, idiots! They should at least be insisting that the parents pay them something up front to take care of their families or their cats when they die. Because they're going to die! Why does everyone think they can kill Slade all of a sudden? What the fuck is in that briefcase! I mean that Laura Palmer!

Deathstroke #2

I began this entry about 20 minutes ago and forgot I was supposed to be reading Deathstroke as it sat in the scanner and I chatted on Facebook! Also, that cover is fucking confusing! What the hell is going on? Deathstroke has a big arm and a tiny foot and he's hopping over cars and there are robots and a sword and fire and ROAD RAGE CARPOCALYPSE! OMG! I'm so excited!

Did this comic take place before #carpocaplypse or after?

The comic begins in the secret back room of some diner. This is the bar where the Super Villains hang out. See? There's a woman in a tight body suit with a belt that holds gear or ammo. And there's a guy with a glass case over his head. And there's another guy with some suspender shoulder strap gear bag thing. And then the guy with the turban. Yeah, he's obviously a bad guy, amirite?!

Look! They both have a Laura Palmer!

Inside Deathstroke's Laura Palmer is the Thing That Has Yet To Be Revealed. No, it isn't an Elder God. I mean, it could be. But I doubt it. It's something mysterious that has pissed Deathstroke off to no end to the infinite power. That's a lot of pissing off! But the bald guy he's showing it too, the guy Deathstroke wants information from about the person who put him on the mission to get that Laura Palmer, isn't telling Deathstroke anything. In fact, he thinks he's covered his back for this meet up.

Does this guy not really know who Deathstroke is? Gonna take a lot more drunk super villains than this to take Deathstroke down.

And then I turn the page and laugh out loud. Deathstroke is right there with me!

And all he needs is a dagger!

Deathstroke kills everyone in the bar just for raising their hands. They never make a move on him before he starts cutting their heads in half. Seriously. Deathstroke knows what he has to do and he does it. Don't let some bald asshole with a Laura Palmer full of money get the advantage! If he thinks he has power over you, fucking start cutting people in half and show him he's a stupid fucking moron!

And he gets the point. He runs to his getaway humvee limousine to try and outrun Deathstroke to the airport. But it's Deathstroke? First you have to think: "Would this fool Batman?" If it wouldn't then you know it wouldn't fool Deathstroke! So the guy's getaway car blows up because Deathstork Deathstroke already placed explosives in it and now he's trying to escape Deathstroke on foot! He calls in back-up and a gigantic helicopter arrives to stop Deathstroke.

Really? I think it's going to take Stormwatch at this point. Or Batman. Or maybe Nightwing.

Well, this Mikel guy who Deathstroke is trying to kill also realizes it's going to take more than a big ass helicopter to kill Deathstroke. He also sends in a couple of guys on motorcycles with guns. But they lose their heads immediately. The helicopter is still somewhere off panel shooting at Deathstroke as the final back-up arrives:

This guy is the most retardedest villain of all! He has wheels for feet! He can only fight you if you're on the road!

Deathstroke gets really excited about seeing an actual super person with a stupid name attack him! Now it's time to really show what he can do! Nobody will produce any more stupid Laura Palmer's filled with embarrassing things when he starts killing off a few stupidly named super beings!

So Road Rage calls him out and Deathstroke grabs one of the motorcycles from the guys he just beheaded. And he ghost rides it into that bitch Road Rage!

This really works.

Regarding my caption on that last picture, here's a little story about ghost riding bikes into assholes. When I was 19 or 20, my friend Paul and I were hanging out drinking in my mom's basement (yes, I lived in a fucking basement. My nerd cred is off the charts). We decided we wanted to go get some snacks at 7-11. He hopped on my BMX and I grabbed my Hosoi skateboard and off we went. On the way there, some guy on the corner of a street my cousin lived on threw something at us. It was either an egg or a water balloon. I'd seen this guy, Eric Mellow, at the house on multiple occasions. I knew him from when he was in pre-school because I used to take the bus to elementary school with his brother Eddie. My first thought was it was this guy (now in high school, of course) fucking around. So I turned and yelled, "What the fuck, asshole!?" I seriously did not mean that statement in any way other than the way that you would say that to someone you were cool with. Really.

So the guy begins screaming his head off and comes charging across the street pulling his shirt over his head. I guess because you can't fight very well with a shirt on. As he ran into the circle of light cast by the street light, I realized I didn't know who this guy was! Still screaming, he threw himself against me. He fell on his ass and I was knocked back a step or two off of my skateboard. With the skateboard closer to him now, he began to reach for it as he stood up. As he was just standing and bending, reaching for my board, I see my BMX come sailing by itself from behind the van next to me. My friend Paul had turned around and ghost rid the thing into this guy. It smashed into him, knocking him down and allowing me to pick up my board. I charged the guy, swinging my board at him and yelling, "I'm going to fucking kill you!" I hit him once in the shoulder or arm with the trucks of the board and he turned tail and fled. I hopped on my board and headed back down the street thinking, "What the fuck was that?"

As I was propelling myself down the street, Paul had picked up the bike and was ahead of me. He looked back at one point and said, "Hey Jeff! Keep skating, he'll tire out!" I thought, "What the fuck is he talking about?" as I looked back over my shoulder and saw the biggest motherfucker I'd ever seen in Santa Clara running full steam after us. But even sprinting, there was no way he was going to keep up with me on my skateboard and Paul on the bike. So we rode off laughing toward 7-11.

We were still laughing about it in 7-11 when a car came screeching into the parking lot and sliding sideways into a space. The same guy (I would find out later his name was Jimmy Arthur) came barreling out of his car toward the store entrance. I was on the other side of the window and I gave him a what-the-fuck-are-you-going-to-do look since I felt safe in the store. Apparently rage filled morons don't care about things like that. He came at me, yelling at me for attacking his friend. I may have tried to reason with him. What can I say? I'm an intellectual! But as I did, I kept my skateboard up in front of me like a lion tamer keeps a lion at bay with his stool.

I don't know if it was the alcohol I'd had previously, or perhaps my skateboard blocked the swing, or maybe Jimmy Arthur just throws the fastest punches in the world, but I didn't see his fist until it connected with my cheek bone. The blow knocked me to the ground and I was absolutely stunned that I had just been punched by this neanderthal. Sure, I had made his friend bleed! But that was confused self-defense. When I realized I'd been hit, my mind exploded with one thought: "That fucker hit me!" Yeah, that was the extent of analysis of the events. I jumped up almost as soon as I hit the floor and I swung my skateboard at Jimmy Arthur's head. He blocked the blow with his arm and there was a deafening crack as the trucks connected with his forearm. His eyes grew huge and he seemed to realize the disadvantage he was at, especially with Paul just on the other side of the counter, cowering. I mean, acting as back-up. Jimmy, like his friend before him, beat a hasty retreat.

Paul and I didn't think much about it after that. Okay. That's a lie. We thought about running into this maniac every single day! Santa Clara isn't exactly Metropolis. A few weeks later, we found ourselves at a house party that was getting broken up by the cops. While everyone was milling about on the lawn, I ran into Eddie Mellow. Remember him from a couple paragraphs before? I knew his brother hung out at Jimmy Arthur's place, so I figured Eddie would know him too. So I asked him what Jimmy Arthur thought about the confrontation. Eddie's eyes grew huge and he stuttered, "That was you?! He works out thinking about you guys!"

So Paul and I took extra special care the next few months. But nothing else ever came of it. When I finally knew I was in the clear was when we were playing tackle football one weekend with a bunch of guys. And some friends of friends invited Jimmy and the other guy I hit. They walked onto the field without a hint of recognizing us. I kept expecting to lose my head in a tackle that day, but nothing happened. So I stopped worrying about retribution after that.

So that story was proof that Deathstroke ghost-riding the motorcycle into Road Rage would actually work!

After Deathstroke does that, he knifes Road Rage in the chest and throws him into the helicopter, causing it to crash on top of Mikel!

Yet another guy Vic Morrow'd in the new 52!

This entire sequence was being broadcast live by a newscopter. Deathstroke phones Christoph to let him know there shouldn't be any doubts about his abilities after this. And we still don't get to find out what's inside Slade's Laura Palmer.

Deathstroke #1

I know I'm going to be typing 'Deathstork' every fucking time I type Slade's name.

Deathstroke is a fun read so far. I've just read about half the comic and gotten to the point where they reveal his target. Um, looks like an old school Nosferatu type vamp to me. Anyway, he's being teamed up with a bunch of "Hey this assassination and covert op shit is fun" free-swinging kids. Not kids exactly but they may as well be. By the time you hit your mid-late thirties, all those early twenty-somethings might as well be toddlers. You can't understand their fucking language! They laugh at the stupidest shit. They don't know any pop cultural references that matter! And yet they all think they're Goddamned Einstein. Except they would only know Einstein as the old man with funny hair that you photoshop phrases over.

The people reading this on Blogspot are probably nodding in agreement. The people reading this on tumblr are probably calling me a bitter old fuck. Whatever! What I'm trying to say is that I understand this look on Deathstork Deathstroke's face as he first meets his new team.

I'm willing to bet 20 other writers in the New 52 would have actually used 'Harmory'!

Those three panels make me chuckle. I hope this comic is more of that. And don't get me wrong! I like young people as much as I like toddlers! In moderation and not in my house! This 40 year old needs his fucking nap time! Go drink your beers and your breast milk elsewhere!

Before I go back to reading the comic, here are two hits on image searches for Deathstork.

The first one is an actual Deathstork. The second one (the idea of which I love, if not the art so much) is probably because the artist types like I do.

Slade and his team have been hired to kill this vampire guy in midair. Not while he's a bat! But while he's flying a load of munitions and nuclear secrets to Iran. The team flies their jet next to the vampire's jet and Slade hops on over.

The whole premise of Deathstork Deathstroke the Terminator is that he can do everything better than everybody else (except Batman. And sometimes Nightwing). He makes the impossible look easy! And he makes the literally impossible look figuratively plausible! Or something. Hey kitty cat!? Judas?! Am I drunk?

Damn, that actually sounds like a good idea! The problem with having a business that allows me to sleep when I'm tired and wake up when I'm rested is that I have no set schedule. It's four in the morning and I'm not sure if it's a good idea to start drinking or not. When am I supposed to be falling asleep? Although a Cup and Saucer breakfast at 7 in the morning with a nice buzz going sounds good.

It's what's for dinner! Or breakfast. Or is this fucking lunch?

When Deathstroke tears into the plane, he's greeted by some monster soldiers. They aren't vampires. They're humans injected with Clayface DNA. That sounds somewhat less than sexy.

Deathstork Deathstroke mentions they're going to be hard to kill so he just throws them out of the airplane. Problem solved! I bet the normal Clayface could easily survive that. But not a soldier who was merely injected with Clayface's seed.

Deathstroke takes the briefcase which is full of secrets and the vampire guy taunts him into opening it. You know? Aren't briefcases always full of secrets? Maybe we should just start calling briefcases 'Laura Palmers'.

I was searching for a picture of June Cleaver with Ward's briefcase so I could photoshop her saying, "Don't forget your Laura Palmer, dear!" But this came up on the search. Those are two separate search results side by side. Looks like June has a wandering eye!

Deathstroke opens the briefcase and asks, "Is this a threat?" Whoever hired Deathstroke wanted him to get his hands on whatever was in the briefcase. I don't know what it was yet. Remember the whole secret part from like one paragraph ago? But Deathstroke don't care! He don't give a shit! He just blows the fuck out of the plane and jumps back to the other jet!

By the end of the comic, I still don't know what is in the briefcase. I'm guessing a bottle of Viagra because the message is clear: everyone in the assassin game doesn't think Slade Wilson can cut it anymore.

Out of the previous 40 titles I've read, Deathstroke has the best comic book ending of them all. I wasn't expecting it (and I've only had a slight bit of sake so far) mostly because the comic book was fun. And I love fun comic books. That's why Mister Terrific was ranked so much higher than it otherwise might have been if going on pure story and writing. Fun makes up for a lot. So when I got to pages 17 and 18, I was shocked and delighted by what happened. And since I can't find those pages online and I can't scan them, let me tell them to you.

Panel One: The new kids are celebrating. Deathstroke a shadow in the background watching.
Sharpshooter: "--to the Harm Armory! To gettin' paid to bring the pain!"
Glasses: "Hells yeah!"

Panel Two: Christoph, Deathstroke's "Agent" toasting the kids around the table.
Christoph: "It's a great start, guys--a really great start."
Lovetap: "So what's next?"
Christoph: "Well, there's a bunch of work we can start throwing your way--if you're interested."
Lovetap: "Oh, we're in."
Sharpshooter: "Definitely."

Panel Three: Christoph: "And what do you think of the 'up-and-coming' team, Slade?"

Panel Four: Slade: "I think there is no 'up-and-coming.' There's only competition."

Panel Five: Harm Armory looking confused.
Sharpshooter: "What?"

Panel Six: Deathstroke raising his mask.
Slade: "And I don't work with it."

Next Page: Deathstroke shoots the shit out of the Harm Armory!

Awesome. Just fucking great ending for a Deathstroke book. But what I love most is the fun! This is what I thought Grifter was going to be. I thought Grifter was definitely going to be a fun comic book about a wild gunman doing...well, I didn't know what he would be doing! But I was expecting fun! But Grifter is taking itself seriously. This book the stuff of comic book legend. It's what I remember comic books being. Gritty. Gory. Funny. Wild. And no horrible dialogue being forced down your throat just to fill a panel! Because every time Green Arrow had a speech bubble coming out of his mouth in the first three issues of that comic, it was painful! I think it was literally painful! I was using literally in a hyperbolic way there! Can you do that? Does that break the universe?

Right now, I love this comic! And I like that it ended the way it did and it wasn't forced. Like Batman The Dark Knight where the whole comic goes on telling a story just to get to some stupid ending panel with a buffed out Two-Face proclaiming he is now ONE FACE! You know what, Two-Face? I'm fucking one face as well! It's not hard to be one face!

My sincerest apologies to my buddy, Bobby, who had part of his face blown off in Iraq. I don't mean to be bragging about my one face. But you know, remember that time I squirted Taco Bell hot sauce in your eye on the way to miniature golf? I was just trying to prepare you for the future, buddy!

Voodoo #4

Voodoo finally has a introduction blurb explaining who she is. "Sent here on a mission to gather information on Earth's heroes, Priscilla Kitaen is an alien shapeshifter with a mysterious past. Is she humanity's last hope or our worst nightmare? For now, she is VOODOO!" I was going to praise it for coming in after we'd learned everything unlike Grifter's whose blurb was a big spoiler. But this one is too! We haven't seen any reason yet why she'd be humanity's last hope! I bet that's the story in this issue.

The story begins with Voodoo crawling through ventilation duct in a government building.

This is now the best image for this motivational poster on the 'nets.

OH HAI CEILING VOODOO!

Voodoo drops from the ceiling and smothers a couple of guards into unconsciousness with her big flippin' tentacles. She then steals one of their ID cards and his identity as well. I don't know exactly what she's looking for in this government installation. Maybe something she read in Fallon's mind lead her here.

Black Jack and Fallon and their boss, Chief Hurley (not a fat unlucky guy) are trying to figure out who she is. An orphaned girl by the name of Priscilla Kitaen disappeared 19 years ago when she was 4. So they're kicking around the idea that she was kidnapped by aliens and turned into some super alien spy. Not too farfetched!

Voodoo uses her stolen key card to find this guy locked in some room running intel on Super Heroes.

Hey! That guy is asking the same questions I'm asking! Dude, we'll find out in Action Comics #6. I think!

Voodoo also wants to know the answer to this question! She's broken into this complex to steal all of the data this agency has on the super heroes. She downloads it all into her USB memory stick with the cute little skull charm attached to it and then skedaddles.

Even though there's some trouble and some alarms go off and Fallon and Black Jack realize Voodoo has broken into the base because of something she read in Fallon's mind, Voodoo still gets away fairly easily.

Back at Skinny's exploded garage, the Daemonite hunting Voodoo is digging around and encounters some kid. He asks the kids some questions before killing him. And then this issue is done!

Stupid kid! It was a Corvette not a T-bird! At least he got the red part right!

Voodoo #3

Green Lantern is going to make a complete fool of himself.

Voodoo hitchhikes her way back to her alien commander. She's picked up by a truck driver whom she kills because he makes a pass at her. Maybe if he just flirted with her a little bit he'd be okay. But he reaches out and touches her knee without permission! Isn't there a Yo Gabba Gabba song about that kind of bad etiquette?

This is her boss and her bosses pets.

Her boss's name is Skinny. Yes, that means he's fat. The boss alien is acting just like a big fat ignorant redneck. Is he just trying to play the part? But why act like an ignorant asshole in the confines of your own headquarters? I think this alien really is just a big dumb prick.

The meeting with her boss teaches us a few things. Voodoo has a particle generator embedded under her skin which creates the clothing she wears every time she transforms. She needs just a few seconds of contact with a subject to change into that subject. Which means the stripper Voodoo must be her natural human form. Yes, she has a natural human form because she and her boss and the boss's girls are all lizard-human hybrids. It's painful for them to change while it normally wouldn't be for a pure alien lizard being.

And then Green Lantern shows up spouting stupid lines.

He's saying, "Little engine that could." Why is he saying that? Why even break in so noisily?

But then Green Lantern apologizes about the wall! Because, um, I guess he couldn't help himself? You try being sneaky with all that Green Power Ring power itching to be used. Green Lantern showed up because he (or The Guardians) detected deep space transmissions from this backwater auto shop. And Kyle was sent to investigate. I guess he thinks 'investigate' means 'vandalize the property'. The fat guy Skinny doesn't take too kindly to the interruption and he falls victim to the flipping the fuck out that so many characters have been doing lately.

This is how humans utilize intergalactic weapons of power.

That's a pretty good guess if he's using ANY FUCKING GUN EVER!

While Green Lantern is fighting Skinny and his girls, Voodoo gets away. Her and Green Lantern have a mini-moment where he decides to trust her even though she's basically claiming she's an alien by yelling how humans are jerks. And she's surprised by the way the first super hero she observes listens to her and acts somewhat kindly. Oh, did I mention that's her mission? She's supposed to be observing Earth's heroes and gathering intel for an alien invasion of her people.

Green Lantern chases Skinny into space after Skinny and his girls blast off in their flying saucer. They get away through a warp hole, leaving Green Lantern confused. Or more confused, probably. While everyone else is in space, Voodoo takes off in a nice little 1958? Corvette. That's about the only car I'd ever recognize. My uncle had one that I remember riding in quite a bit in early elementary. And then it ended up just sitting in his driveway under a tarp gathering rust for the next 20 years.

I looked it up online and this looks like a '57. The '58 looks nearly identical but has double headlights instead of just the singles. So I can't even recognize this car!

Meanwhile, back at the diner Voodoo stopped at in the beginning of the comic, some Daemonites are slaughtering everyone while looking for Voodoo! Oh no!

Voodoo #2

This issue begins with Voodoo having sex with Fallon. She's wearing Evans body so I guess it's heterosexual fucking. Although Voodoo is a lizard alien being. Voodoo might not have a typical or atypical Earth gender! I'll keep referring to Voodoo as a she though since it's easier and she keeps appearing on the covers of her comics as a female.

Voodoo is humping Fallon for information! I wonder how Voodoo's fellow alien lizard people would view this situation. Is having sex with a human comparable to a human having sex with a giraffe? Or maybe it's more like a man fucking a sea cucumber. Or a woman having sex with a stalk of corn? Whatever. I bet it's pretty weird!

While Voodoo slips into the bathroom to change into something more comfortable...

Like female skin!

...Fallon gets a phone call from their boss letting her know that Evans was found dead in the strip club. Fallon kicks in the bathroom door but Voodoo has already beat it out the window.

Back at the club, a police office makes the obligatory Jackson Pollock joke to describe the bloody mess. Which causes me to make the obligatory use of the word obligatory. Jerks. This brief scene lets the reader know that Voodoo is currently being hunted by the Feds. Which helps to explain the next scene where Voodoo is thinking about getting out of New Orleans when she's hassled by a man (not The Man, just some pig. Not A PIG, just some horny guy. Not Etrigan! Just a jerk on the street!) and then shot in the shoulder by a tranquilizer dart.

These tiny people are the Black Razors! Except they're not really tiny. They just look tiny.

These armored Power Ranger Teletubby agents quickly get beat up by Voodoo as she transforms into Lizard Girl. They call in reinforcements. Reinforcements end up being some cigar smoking super power named Black Jack. He's kind of a cross between Captain Atom and Wolverine and Captain Planet. I'm assuming he's a big macho jerk.

He's not as big a prick as I thought he'd be.

Fallon tells him to hang back and he does, no complaints. Good soldier! Fallon then goes in to collect Voodoo on her own. And fails, of course. They fight a bit and then Voodoo leaves looking like Fallon. She gives the safe word (Ripley. Ha ha) and makes her escape. Fallon emerges a minute or so later and all the federal people get eggs on their faces. And a sound effect goes, "WANH WANH." And they all hang their heads in shame and kick rocks and say, "Gosh dang it all to heck! We almost had her!"

And then there's a teaser for next issue: