Justice League International #17 (1988)

Blue Beetle versus The Air Compressor.

I remember really enjoying this series when I was sixteen. Now I'm sorry I've re-read it at fifty. J.M. DeMatteis and Keith Giffen aren't anywhere near as hilarious as I thought they were. It's possible they're writers of that particular breed that can capture the fleeting humor of the moment which never lasts the test of time. It's even more possible I was just easily entertained at sixteen, full of wonder and the optimism of life. It's most possible that I've become a bitter old man that cannot enjoy anything anymore.

Between the end of that last paragraph and beginning this one, I've thought about my feelings regarding Justice League International and I've concluded that Giffen and DeMatteis just aren't great writers.

Along with contemplating my feelings toward this comic book to reach the conclusion that this isn't as great as I remembered it, I also read the first page.

A Jim Nabors reference? Maybe this was hilarious in 1988 because maybe it was national news that Ronald Reagan was a huge Gomer Pyle fan? They were probably good friends! Or maybe Jim Nabors was recently celebrated at a dinner at the White House? Or maybe it was just "funny" to reference Jim Nabors, sort of like how it was hip to reference Chuck Norris in the Oughts or Abe Vigoda in the Tens, or how everybody loves to love Betty White because, um, she's old?

Jim Nabors isn't what upset me about this first page though. What annoyed me was how Oberon points out that Captain Atom couldn't have handled the situation in Bialya because he can't even figure out the electrical system in their headquarters. What does one have to do with the other?! Captain Atom is a military man who accidentally gained the power to blow shit up. Who (other than Oberon, apparently) is expecting him to understand electronics?!

It's because Batman can do everything, isn't it?

Also, yes, I understand it's a call back to an earlier story. But because the two things have nothing in common, it just makes Oberon sound petty and resentful. The panel on the following page doesn't help where Captain Atom says "What was that?" and Oberon responds by lying about what he, apparently, mumbled. That's also a regular DeMatteis and Giffen "punch line" which they love to fall back on.

Batman, Green Flame, Booster, and Beetle are all trapped in Bialya since Queen Bee took over by killing Rumaan. Batman is disguised as Maxwell Lord so of course he corrects Fire (currently still Green Flame) when she calls him Batman. He then precedes to refer to her as Green Flame instead of Bea and Michael and Ted as Booster and Beetle. Where does he get off?! Oh, yeah, I remember. He's Batman.

Oh yeah. It was jokes like these that made me love this comic book.

It turns out that reading a comic book without thinking too much about it allows you to remember the actually funny and enjoyable moments while conveniently speeding past and instantly forgetting the terrible bits. I guess taking time while reading a comic book to comment about it and to think about every panel only made me realize I don't really enjoy comic books that much. Perhaps the real problem is that when a comic book was seventy-five cents, I didn't mind reading a comic book quickly and enjoying the ephemeral nature of the medium, whether it was great or mediocre. But once comic books were four or five dollars, I felt the right to demand quality from the writer and artist on every single page! So here's another option as to why I don't enjoy this comic book as much as I used to: I'm reading it as if it's a five dollar investment and expect more than it's seventy-five cent worth is providing.

You might be wondering why Booster, Beetle, and Fire are running around in their underwear and pajamas. The only explanation I can give is who cares? Ooh la la!

PSA: do not climb a ladder when people are shooting at you. You are not Batman.

The military guys chasing Batman fall off the ladder after Batman blows a smoke grenade in their face. It gives us a chance to see some of the loopholes in Batman's "I don't kill" philosophy.

Keep in mind these two men are only military men following orders to apprehend some escaped convicts who illegally entered the country under suspicious circumstances. Although also keep in mind that they're Bialyan. So, you know, evil incarnate, I guess!

Batman's smoke grenade was non-lethal so he is absolved of any injury that might lead to death which stems from the act of blowing the grenade up in somebody's face, I suppose. Also since the poor Bialyan can't speak English well (in his own Goddamned country even! Fucking Batman), Batman uses it as an excuse not to help the man escape injury. And once injured, through no direct action on Batman's part (if you allow for Batman's use of loopholes in his "I don't kill" philosophy), Batman leaves him to possibly bleed out or die from his injuries (two broken legs aren't nothing!). Not Batman's problem! The guy should never have chased Batman up a ladder and then hung from an insecure laundry line and then fell dozens of feet and then chose not to roll on impact thus shattering both legs! Fucking idiot.

This is also why I probably loved this comic book at sixteen.


And this.

Whenever somebody calls out the male gaze, I think, "Stop erasing lesbians!" Does that make me a feminist? I think so!

Captain Atom arrives to save the day and/or cause a nuclear catastrophe. He and Wandjina explode in a massive nuclear blast that probably doesn't cause any real harm because it derived from super-powered people. Captain Atom probably sucks it all back in like a reverse fart.

Captain Atom wins the battle and Queen Bee strides out onto the battlefield to accuse Batman and the others of invading her country. But she's willing to let them go because she wants to look compassionate in front of her newly acquired exploitable population.

See? All Bialyans are terrible!

Speaking of people who are all terrible, have I shit on Trump supporters recently? No? Well, this was that then.

Meanwhile, Manga Khan learns that Scott Free is the son of Highfather from New Genesis. So he decides to head to Apokolips to start trade negotiations with Darkseid. The members of the Justice League stalking Manga Khan install Boom Tube technology into their ship thanks to Barda's power rod. Do I need to construct a dildo joke here or was it readily apparent with all the component parts just lying there?

This issue has letters from John Q. Gerdes of Collinsville, Illinois; "Cool Canadian" of Don Mills, Ontario; Charlie Wells of Bangor, Pennsylvania; Scott A. Leonard of Plano, Texas; Carleton K. Brown of Springfield, Massachusetts; Timothy Chin of New York, New York; Dennis Rospigliosi (address withheld); and Jesus Vergel of Inglewood, California. Not a single one praises the letterer. Shame.

Justice League International #17 Rating: C. This comic is about average now and it was absolutely average then. But it was average in a sea of even more mediocre post-Crisis comic books coming out of DC. It makes me a little worried to re-read the 1980s Suicide Squad though. Was that series really as good as I believe it was?! If that one winds up being terrible, I'll know it's true: I was a fucking idiot when I was younger. Or maybe I'm just hopelessly bitter, angry, and uninterested in everything now. A little of both, probably.